Happy New Year's!

Oh boy, Mike just got his first iphone. He's over on the other couch playing with ringtones. It's really cute to see someone play with their first iphone... remembering the joy of your own first time.

So I was thinking about NYE. I hate NYE usually. It never lives up to the hype. And this year I was going to do it right and we were going to go have a four course meal at one of my favorite restaurants. But I've felt like crap for two days and am not up to it so Mike is cooking for me here. That, of course, is one of the perks of dating an amazing chef... dinner at home is anything other than ordinary and is usually better than most restaurants. Among other things I believe that duck rilette is on the menu for tonight. Yum.

So NYE is a great time for reflections and thinking about the future. So how was 2011? It was pretty awesome. I mean, at the moment I am exhausted and feel like crap... but the majority of the year was pretty good.

I was looking at my list of goals from last year to see how many I had accomplished. This was last year's list:

Take a writing course
Go to Paris
Move back into the city
Get engaged
Go back to Northfield for my ten-year college reunion
Eat gyro pizza in Northfield
Get out of debt
Quit my job or reduce my hours and get some other sort of new (non massage related) job
Take Tai Chi/ Qi-Gong classes
Learn sign language
Throw a Star Wars themed party
Celebrate my mom being healthy and beating cancer
Play on a soccer team
Play on a volleyball team
Fit into size 8 jeans
Take a strip-tease class
Make a video of me and my puppets
Smile every single day
Learn hypnosis
Have my family get a dog when my folks move back (this really might happen!!!)
Remain injury free and healthy in general
Learn acupuncture and Chinese medicine
Learn how to sew
Reduce my sugar and meat and alcohol intake (I've already cut out soda pop!!)
Read 50 books

I accomplished only ten of them. (the ones in red) Pathetic.

Now this year I could make a list of things that I actually KNOW I could accomplish and then I could feel better about being able to knock things off my list, but screw it, go big or go home.

Goal list for 2012

- do another cleanse

- eat vegetarian 80% of the time (with Mike cooking for me it is hard to do it all the time but with the new vegan restaurant that I am in love with by my work it will help)

- go out with my friends more

- write five pages a week

- introduce Pookie to Michael

- take fencing classes

- take swing dance lessons

- keep our bonsai tree alive

- get a new high score in Yahtzee (beat 640)

- learn how to use adobe photoshop

- get engaged/married

- take at least two yoga classes a week

- get down to a size 8

- visit a new city and hopefully state and extra hopefully country

- get a dog

- move into a new apartment

- go to Paris

- work harder/ care more about my appearance

- read two non-fiction books for every fiction book I read

- celebrate New Year's Eve 2012

- clear out my parent's attic

- drink less alcohol

- visit Sara's apartment (it's so weird to me that I have a super good friend whose apartment I have never seen)

- have more people over to my apartment

- do High Tea more

- win our volleyball league again

- work on my vertical jump and gain at least six inches

- stop procrastinating

- finish my to-do lists

- vacuum more

- do ten push-ups a day minimum

- work on keeping a positive outlook

- be a positive influence- make the people around me happy and see the best in them

- show my good side to everyone- I typically reserve it for the people who I feel are worthy or that I feel safe around but if I was my "best friend" self to everyone, I think it would dramatically change my relationships

- have more self-confidence in my writing

- enter at least four writing contests

- rock on!

holiday newsletter 2011- sorry it's a long one

It's that time again... time to post the holiday newsletter that I am too cheap and lazy to send out!

This has been one of the best years of my life. Who knew that being in my 30s would rock so much? I know I learned a lot and grew a lot in my 20s but I would much rather skip the 20s and have two helpings of my 30s.

What has been so great about this year?

Travel!

I love to travel and don't do nearly enough of it. I took four main trips this year. The first was to Minnesota for my ten year reunion. That was a blast. I am very lucky that I got to go to Carleton. And I want to thank Matt Siarny again for placing the application in my hand my senior year of high school and telling me that I should go there. He was right. And I'm very thankful for Facebook for letting me keep up with all the amazing people from there. You guys all rock.

My old roomies, Kip and Aaron

Gyro pizza! My main reason for going to reunion!

I'm so thankful I've been able to keep my vow to see my Pookie at least once a year!

My second trip was to North Carolina which was exciting for numerous reasons. I got to meet my favorite author, Orson Scott Card. I got to make some neat friends. I learned a lot about writing. I went to a new state. And I got to spend a lot of quality time with my mom. My favorite moment of the trip might very well have been when I got back to the room after a very long day in class and my mom and I ordered freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and milk from room service at 10 PM.

We made a quick (three hour) detour to go see the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, NC. Worth the trip. A castle in America. Crazy to think people really lived like that.

My boyfriend Michael and I took a mini getaway to Michigan for some wine tasting. Going on your first vacation together is always an important step in a relationship. You are together 24/7 for multiple days. How will that go down? Luckily it made us more in love than ever. And we found a new appreciation for Michigan wines.

My last trip was more recent- just down to Atlanta for Thanksgiving. My sister-in-law made her famous "pink stuff" dessert. I don't know exactly what's in it and I don't care, it makes me happy and that is all that matters!

My niece, Ella, and I had a blast in the crawl spaces behind the aquariums at the Atlanta aquarium.

My family's house in Oak Park went through MONTHS of construction. My parents moved back home. Everything was chaos but it turned out great.

The upstairs kitchen during the gutting stage.

The downstairs kitchen almost finished. The boys cooking dinner for the ladies.

I, of course, don't get to enjoy the new kitchens and bathrooms much since I've moved out of that house and now live in Logan Square. I won't lie. The apartment is small and far away from everything. But there are some perks, like the personal chef and the awesome park across the street. It's home.

My mom's health isn't great. She had a clean bill of health at her last check up- cancer free! Well, as clean as it can be. She still takes like 20 pills a day and has zero energy. But the way I think about it, I would rather her have a body that doesn't work that great and still have a good mind, than have a healthy body and be completely senile/ have alzheimers. I'm taking what I can get and am enjoying spending time with her.

Luckily soccer and volleyball keep me going out to Oak Park so I usually see them once a week. And speaking of volleyball... we won the league and regained our title of champs! As for soccer... well, this season didn't go quite so well.

I still don't see my friends nearly as much as I would like. Partly because of busy schedules but mostly due to laziness. I am making that my New Year's resolution so expect to be hounded by me soon!

I continued to give the occasional volunteer massage for women diagnosed with cancer and I realize that I am happiest when I am giving and when I am creating. So those are my major goals for 2012.

I'm the happiest and healthiest I've ever been. I love you guys! I hope we all become the people we want to be in 2012!

vegan food

I discovered the best vegan restaurant EVER. Native Foods Cafe. Amazing. When people hear vegan they think healthy. And bland and tasteless. Well this place proved them all wrong.

First of all, I got a side of the chili cheese fries which were far and away better than any normal chili cheese fries that I have ever had. In fact, all their food is so good that you could trick people into thinking it was normal food.

Which, technically, it is, but most people have a stigma against vegans.

This place makes it so easy to not eat meat. I think I might become a regular. (and become more regular in the process! ha!)

dumb girls

So today's funnies come from Reader's Digest. I particularly like the last one.

Sometimes men don't date women for their IQs. Here are some examples:

-Today, my girlfriend asked me if my grandmother had any kids.

-My girlfriend and I went out to dinner. We were going to get there 30 minutes early, so I told her to call to see if they could bump us up. The reservation was under my name. After being with me for a year, she didn't know how to say my last name.

-It took my girlfriend almost a full season of The Office to realize it wasn't a reality show.

And then just because I ran across this one yesterday:

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. -Dolly Parton

pizza

Tonight's the big night... my first time eating junk food since the cleanse. I get to eat delicious, yummy Lou Malnati's pizza tonight.

On the one hand, I'm super excited because it is delicious.

On the other hand, I've been feeling sooo good since the cleanse... I don't want to ruin that by eating heavy food with lots of carbs, meat and cheese.

But I have a most excellent night ahead of me, Mike and I are eating pizza, watching Legend (the 1985 fantasy movie starring Tom Cruise) and then we are decorating our tree.

Mike really wanted a tree but since our apartment is about the size of a postage stamp, we decided against it. But he really wanted it. He even mentioned maybe just getting a wreath instead. "We could hang ornaments on it!" It was sad. So I surprised him last night by getting a tree. A small one, which is sitting on top of our unused dining room table. It's his first real Christmas tree ever.

The man who sold it to me was very impressed because I picked it out in under 30 seconds. He said it was the fastest he has ever seen someone choose a tree.

Sorry, my life is not that exciting right now, so this is what I blog about.

food

Who had any idea that food could taste this good?

All I've had so far is vegetable soup- just some parsnips, celery, carrots and veggie broth (though I'm sure Mike added some spices because it is Mike after all) and it is mind blowingly good.

You want to enjoy food again like nobody's business? Just go seven days without eating it!

We've been planning out all of the wonderful food that we can't wait to eat again! Yum!

being a giver

I had two things happen yesterday that made me think about giving. The first was a conversation with my coworker who has a really cheap friend. She babysits for this friend but is always worried about how the friend will react to things. For example, if there was just a smidge of orange juice left, she would always ask before drinking it instead of just drinking it. The husband when she asked said, "Of course, just drink it, you don't have to ask." But she knew that the wife/her friend might very well care. My coworker just upgraded to a new bagless vacuum and gave them her old (which is still relatively new) one with extra bags because they were in need of one. They then went to a movie later that day where parking was $5 and her friend asked if she had the $2.50 in cash to pay for my coworker's half. She said she didn't have cash on her and her friend said, "That's okay, I know you're good for it." My coworker replied, "Seeing as how I just gave you a vacuum, I think we can call it even."

Now you can nitpick about points in this story, like the fact that if her friend drove and was therefore paying for gas, that my coworker should pay for the parking. And there are always going to be people who don't contribute whether because they are cheap or because they are struggling financially.

But I think when you start looking at being even and who owes who what, it is a recipe for disaster. This goes for money but also for time and help.

Since not that many people read this blog, I think I am safe from copyright laws and it is okay for my to go ahead and steal some paragraphs out of Steve Chandler's book "50 Ways to Create Great Relationships" about being a servant.

When the serving of others is done in a happy spirit, relationships blossom immediately.

However, when service is performed in the mood of self-sacrifice, the service is wasted. Anything we do out of a sense of obligation is not a gift at all. We're better off not even doing it.

Obligation does not build relationships, it wears them out.

How do you like it when you realize that someone who has done something for you did it out of a sense of obligation?

If I've enjoyed a wonderful romantic evening with my wife and tell her so the next morning, how would I feel if she turned to me and said, "Oh, I did it because I felt obligated. It was my duty."

Obligation does not create great relationships. Voluntary and creative service does.

Serve someone else's purpose. Find out when another person needs and provide it. Just for the fun of it.
...
Service of others has gotten a weird reputation these days. We seem to have lost the fun and spontaneity that can be associated with it. Somehow we now associate it with dreary servitude and shuffling around- a kind of subtle inferiority.

In truth, when service is provided with the right spirit, it's a pure joy. The endless energy and spirit that my friend Steve shows is proof enough for me. I never see him happier than when he's helping someone out.
...
Service is the opposite of inferiority to another person because in service the other person can't touch you. You are so high above your emotional center, you can't be intimidated. When your focus is on service, you are in the most spirited part of your being and it gives you the feeling of having wings.

People used to ask Mother Teresa how she found the inner strength to live such a life of self-sacrifice. All of her selfless service to the poor seemed so unimaginable to the journalists who interviewed her. However, as she often said in her interviews, "If people knew how much joy I was experiencing, they wouldn't consider this to be a sacrifice."

People who serve are way beyond the opinion of others. They are not worried about what other people think of them. They are too busy serving. And, as my mother used to annoy me by saying, "Busy hands are happy hands."

As part of my cleanse this week, I've been trying to implement this more in my life and I will say, it really works. Most of the things that I have been doing are little and don't cost me a thing: sending ecards, washing other people's dirty dishes in the break room sink, sitting and talking to a coworker who usually drives me a little nuts, replacing Mike's burnt out lightbulb, helping my mom unpack boxes. And even the ones that did cost me money like buying a new clock for the break room, were completely worth the small price.

And as if I needed more proof of this, I had my favorite client Tilney last night. She is a giver. What she gives off is energy and happiness. The whole spa cheers up when we know that she is coming in. My boss leaned her head out of her office on Thursday and said, "Guess who is coming in on Sunday to see you, Nikki? TILNEY!!!"

I want to be a person who has an effect on people like that.

After my massage with her I was in a great mood and ran into Nina in the break room. Nina had worked on her a few months ago and had said to me then, "Nikki, I just worked on one of your regular clients, Tilney. She is amazing." So I told Nina that Tilney had just come in and did she remember her. And Nina said, "Of course I remember her. I still have the tip envelope she made for me up on my fridge." Tilney instead of just filling out the To and From on the tip envelope, likes to embellish it and write things like "Goddess Nikki" and "statues should be erected in your honor" and things like that. More important than the money, I look forward to seeing what she writes on the envelope.

So as I was leaving yesterday I asked at the front desk if I had any tips and Justine said, "Just the cutest tip ever!" with a huge grin and hands me the envelope from Tilney.

It just a little piece of old ribbon but I couldn't stop smiling on my way home.

I'm going to try to give some smiles and spread some sunshine this month.

Love you!

guilt free cleanse

Do you know what is the best part about the cleanse?

The total lack of guilt.

You are supposed to take it easy, so if I don't exercise that day, I don't have to feel guilty.

I am supposed to drink between 6-12 glasses of this stuff, and I usually feel full with 8 so I don't have to feel guilty about over or under doing it.

And I don't have food guilt. Maybe that is more of a girl thing, and now mind you, I love and enjoy my food but afterwards there is the feeling of guilt... once I am full and my cravings have stopped, I think to myself, "Damn it Nik, you should have had the salad instead of the bacon blue cheeseburger."

But with this cleanse, I don't have to feel guilty.

That's wonderful.

I also don't get to eat, which is not as wonderful, but hey, only 6 days left!

And I'm hoping with my new found appreciation for food and moderation that after the cleanse I will have more self control and WILL actually order the salad instead of the burger.

The only thing that I dislike about the cleanse is that my ankles are killing me. Why? Possibly because of volleyball last night. More likely that they always hurt but that I usually take some Advil- which I can't do while on the cleanse- and so now I am really feeling it instead of masking it the way I always do. Is this a good thing? Doesn't feel like a good thing. Maybe the bad stuff in my ankles is being cleansed out and that is why I am feeling it? I'm going to go ahead and tell myself that to help me get through this.

Love you guys!

crashing

I was having an unbelievably delightful day.

Then around 5 PM I just crashed. Luckily Mike is as tired as I am so we agreed to sit on our asses tonight. Part of that sitting on our asses involves me doing my Christmas shopping- which is almost always done via internet these days.

And shopping for others led to me looking for things for myself (just looking) and it brings up my most annoying pet peeve in the world... some jackass decided to only make whole sizes for women's shoes starting at size 9.

Some brands carry 9.5 which is what I wear, but the majority don't. You get 7, 7.5, 8, 8.5, 9 and then jump to 10!!! Grrrrrrr!

That's my excuse for not wearing cute shoes. Poop heads. That and the ones I loved today were $117 which I can't justify for shoes that I will wear maybe five times a year.

Nikki, you don't need stuff. Remember that. You don't need stuff.

Yeah, yeah, I know. But sometimes I WOULD actually like to look cute. I mean, duh, I am always adorable and I know that but it would be nice to be girly and cute sometimes too. Why does it have to be so darn expensive? And it really is... because even when I find an adorable dress that I would be willing to splurge $109 on, it doesn't stop there... because then you need tights and shoes and a sweater and jewelry and if you are really going for it, a coat to match.

Sigh.

I guess I'll stick to my t-shirts until I win the lottery.

day 4 of the cleanse

Hello, welcome to day 4 of the master cleanse. I feel like a newborn baby. I swear my whole day revolves around eating and pooping.

And by "eating" I of course mean, drinking the cleanse solution. Which is still quite yummy. Mike got sick of it after day one, but I am doing okay. Day two was the worst for cravings. I wanted some french fries like nobody's business. Yesterday I didn't bring enough of the solution with me out to Oak Park and I got EXHAUSTED from playing volleyball. So of course now my mom is all worried about me doing this. However, when I do it correctly and actually drink enough of the stuff I am fine.

Plus last night I had a dream that I befriended Tom Hanks, which may or may not have anything to do with being on the cleanse but was still pretty damn awesome.

Mike wants to go to the independent movie theater tonight and watch a film about El Bulli, one of the best restaurants in the world. That's brilliant- go watch a movie about delicious, incredible food while we are on the cleanse?!? What can I say, we are gluttons for punishment.

master cleanse

Oh boy, tomorrow is the big day! It's day one of my cleanse.

Mike is doing it with me. I've been thinking that it will be a lot harder for him than for me, but who knows. Everyone's body reacts differently.

We are doing The Master Cleanse where you basically go on a diet of one drink- a mixture of maple syrup, cayenne pepper, lemon juice and water for ten days. There are also some teas and water that you take but all of your nutrition comes from the drink.

I've been weaning myself off of alcohol, caffeine and food for the last few days- eating only fruits, veggies and water. I feel kind of good, I must admit. My intestinal discomfort that I have been having whenever I eat meat is gone, because, well, duh, I haven't been eating meat.

This will be an adventure. It's funny because the people who are against people doing this cleanse are often the ones who would see nothing wrong with feeding children fast food. The people I know who have done this (and being a hippy massage therapist, I know a lot) are some of the healthiest and happiest people I know.

So I'm a little nervous but also excited to see how it goes. Ten days. Wish me luck.

christmas spirit

I am not feeling the Christmas spirit this year. All I can think about is how much money it is going to cost me. That's sad. That should not be what Christmas is about at all.

The thing I get most excited about for Christmas is that it is close to the shortest day of the year and that means the days start getting longer again! Which is certainly something to celebrate in my book.

Plus Mike and I really don't have any room to decorate the apartment. He sort of wants a tree... and suggested putting it on TOP of the dining room table- which to be fair, we never use so it WOULD work... it just seems like so much work... and for what?

Jeez louise. Bah humbug. What is wrong with me?

I'm not unhappy, I'm just not into Christmas this year. Which, you know what, is totally fair because we haven't even had Thanksgiving yet. So I don't have to be. So there!

I just miss being a kid and having that excitement of "Christmas is coming! Christmas is coming!"

today

Two momentous things happened today.

Well, not really momentous. Perhaps not even worth mentioning but here you go...

I bought my first eBook.

Yup. I did it. They suckered me in because there is a writing contest in which you write in the style of the book (use the characters, etc.) and they gave you the first three chapters to let you get a taste. But of course I am now sucked into the story and want to read it. But they only have it available as an ebook. So I got it and am reading it on my iPhone which is fine but weird since you can only read about a paragraph at a time.

I also saw a pair of identical twins today. Now identical twins who are dressed alike are always fun. But identical twins who are dressed alike who are ninety year old little white curly haired ladies?!? It was almost too much. They were getting on the bus as I was getting off so I didn't have time to get their picture. You'll just have to take my word for it that it was AWESOME!

I done thunk her up

I love how you can think about someone and then suddenly they appear. It doesn't ALWAYS work and it seems to work best if you aren't trying to do it purposefully.

Yesterday my mom and I were at Target and as we were checking out my mom made the comment about how she wonders if Kathy (my older sister's childhood friend) still works there. She worked there like fifteen years ago.

I didn't think much of it and continued on with my day. I got to volleyball last night and we were going to be short a girl. So Peggy called a bunch of people but no one could play. I tried a friend but she couldn't make it. And then who does Peggy finally manage to get to play for us?? Why, none other than my sister's old friend Kathy! What are the chances of that?!?

pandas rule

Okay, for some reason I am obsessed with pandas. Well, I mean, the reason is because they are AWESOME! My last minute Halloween costume this year was Pandemonium the fighting panda bear.

Talking about that at work led to my coworkers showing me an awesome website about pandas and how Chinese scientists are dressing like panda bears so that the babies will have as little "human" interaction as possible.

Here are the pics from the website:

You're welcome!

autistic basketball player

My friend posted this on Facebook today. I've seen it a million times and it still gets to me EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Today is a crappy sort of day. It's a nice reminder that there is good and love in the world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZtU676jA_k&feature=share

things I didn't do

Isn't it funny how a bad book makes you want to shoot yourself, yet a good book wakens part of your brain and soul that you didn't even know you had?

I'm thoroughly (you break that up and it is Tho Roughly) enjoying my bookclub book which is great because I just started it today (yes, we had five weeks to read it!) and I have to have it done by Friday. It's called The Gum Thief by Douglas Coupland and there was a section that talked about looking at people not for the traits they possess but for the traits they don't possess.

And Kyle said to me, "I saw this show on the Discovery Channel, and it said that beauty isn't only about the traits you possess, it's also about the traits you don't possess." He then said, "You're really beautiful, Bethany, because there are so many bad traits a lot of girls have and you don't have any of them."

I asked him, "Like what?"

"You're not greedy. And you don't plot or scheme, and you don't go all slutty or manipulative if you don't get what you want."

I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything, but I've been floating ever since.

It's always good to have a fresh new way of looking at things. And the "be thankful for what you don't have" thing has always worked wonders for me.

I don't have bells palsy, or a hare lip, and I only have five pimples on my face right now. I'm doing pretty damn well, thank you very much!

I don't molest children, do hardcore drugs, rob banks. Really, I'm a pretty good person. Whoops, I guess I'm not modest. Shoot, I was doing so well.

The whole concept is not a new one, however. When I was in the Pyramid at the Field Museum last week there was a section that talked about how the ancient Egyptians when they died would have to go basically stand trial for their lives and recite this whole list of things that they did NOT do to prove that they were a good person. Things like, "I did not kill anyone. I did not drink wine that belonged to the gods."

As for me... I did not waste the ENTIRE day doing nothing. I did not forget about my wonderful blog readers. I did not take my poo and fling it at passerbys like a caged monkey. (yes, random example, but I did NOT do it so it still counts.)

Sometimes when Mike comes home and we talk about what we did with our days it can be a little boring (I mean, all of our conversations are WONDERFUL obviously but still, our days are not always that exciting.) From now on if my day was a little boring and I don't have much to report, perhaps I will tell him what I did NOT do that day instead of what I did do. So many more possibilities.

weird clients

Do you know why I'm an idiot? No, not that reason... this reason...

So think about how many weird people there are out there? For those of us who ride public transportation, we see those people EVERY day.

And think about how many socially awkward people there are out there.

Yet for some reason I always expect my clients to be normal and wonderful.

Of COURSE I'm going to get some weirdos every now and then. That's just pure and simple math. It is bound to happen.

I am an idiot because I am still always surprised when it happens and think that the strange encounter is somehow because of me.

research

The best part about writing stories is doing research.

Today, for a short story I am writing, I learned all about asteroids and iridium and Middlesboro, Kentucky.

Now, granted, if I was getting paid to learn about these things that would be even better. But someday that will happen.

What a different world it is where we can answer any question we have with just the click of a mouse. I can't imagine the pain in the ass it would have been to do research for stories forty years ago. Though my writing teacher suggests that you should go to books for your research rather than relying on the internet and you will learn a ton more. But who has got the time for that?

french subtitles

I like to have a movie playing while I eat my lunch. (on days that I am eating my lunch at home) I usually just turn it on for fifteen minutes or so then turn it off and go do my other duties.

Why a movie? Because I don't have TV.

One of my favorite movies is the most recent Star Trek film. I probably watch it once every two months.

Since today is supposed to be a super productive day for me, I felt guilty about watching the movie.

My solution was to put on the French subtitles. And I actually read along with the movie. It makes me wonder how much better my French would be if I had been doing this all along. I jokingly asked on Facebook if that could be counted as an intellectual activity but it really is. Because I am learning how to properly translate French.

My problem with speaking French is that I just try to say the exact same thing that I would say in English and translate each word into French. It doesn't work that way. The result is that I speak broken French. You know how immigrants in America use improper words and verb tenses all the time? "I am eat my food tomorrow." That's what I imagine I sound like in French.

But the subtitle thing is great because you can see a normal English sentence and then see how you would ACTUALLY say it in French.

I'm not going to lie. My brain is a little bit tired after doing that for twenty minutes. But what an enjoyable way to learn rather than reading Proust or Baudelaire!

my happy pic of the day

There is nothing better than being serenaded by acoustic guitar. Mike has a lot of Bob Dylan songs in his repertoire. Turns out I love Bob Dylan songs... when other people sing them! When Bob sings them I have no idea what he is saying. But the man is a poet.

My current favorite song is called The Wedding Song:

I love you more than ever, more than time and more than love
I love you more than money and more than the stars above
I love you more than madness, more than waves upon the sea
I love you more than life itself, you mean that much to me.

Ever since you walked right in the circle's been complete
I've said goodbye to haunted rooms and faces in the street
In the courtyard of the jester which is hidden from the sun
I love you more than ever and I haven't yet begun.

You breathed on me and made my life a richer one to live
When I was deep in powerty you taught me how to give
Dried the tears up from my dreams and pulled me from the hole
I love you more than ever and it binds me to this all.

You gave me babies, one, two, three, what is more, you saved my life
Eye for eye and tooth for tooth, your love cuts like a knife
My thoughts of you don't ever rest, they'd kill me if I lie
But I'd sacrifice the world for you and watch my senses die.

The tune that is yours and mine to play upon this earth
We'll play it out the best we know, whatever it is worth
What's lost is lost, we can't regain what went down in the flood
But happiness to me is you and I love you more than blood.

It's never been my duty to remake the world at large
Nor is it my intention to sound a battle charge
'Cause I love you more than all of that with a love that doesn't bend
And if there is eternity I'd love you there again.

Oh, can't you see that you were born to stand by my side
And I was born to be with you, you were born to be my bride
You're the other half of what I am, you're the missing piece
And I love you more than ever with that love that doesn't cease.

You turn the tide on me each day and teach my eyes to see
Just being next to you is a natural thing for me
And I could never let you go, no matter what goes on
'Cause I love you more than ever now that the past is gone.

morning person

I am a morning person. I cherish mornings. I love getting up early and getting everything that I need to get done accomplished by noon. Then I have the rest of the day to chill. Because let's face it, the latter part of my days don't tend to be too productive. And the nights? Forget about it. It's so physically hard for me to stay up past 10 PM. It's about as hard as it is for a night person to get up at 6 AM.

So why is it that some of us are morning people and some of us are night owls?

And why is it that the world is totally geared towards morning people? That doesn't seem fair. I mean, I don't mind it. But if people told me that I had to stay up late to work on stuff, I would tell them to go bite themselves.

And night owls get a rep for being lazy but really they do the same exact amount of work, just at different hours.

What I was really thinking about today is how do you make a relationship work when one of you is a morning person and one is a night owl? I've tried it and it DIDN'T work very well. In fact, I think that was one of the things that led to our downfall.

This morning Mike's alarm didn't go off and I rolled over and looked at the clock and said, "Um, aren't you supposed to be awake by now?" Yup. And then I got to see him wander about confusedly for the rest of the morning. He apparently really NEEDS to snooze a few times before waking and when he doesn't get his snoozes he is very out of it. It was actually rather amusing.

When we are looking for someone to date we think of so many things that we are looking for... personality, looks, humor, cooking ability :) and so forth. Compatible sleeping schedules is not usually on the list, but maybe it should be. If Mike's snoozing bothered me, I would wake up grumpy EVERY morning. Luckily it doesn't. If he stayed up til 2 in the morning and woke up at 9 AM, I would never get to see him.

It's one of those things that couples CAN work around. Definitely not a deal breaker for most people. But it's even better when it's a non-issue!

LOVE

I'm sitting down to write this post, not because I have anything pressing to say, but because I get sad when I go to check my friends' blogs and they haven't updated in a long time. And I don't want you to be sad. I love you silly blog readers!

Let's talk about the word "love".

Is it over-used or not used often enough?

My boyfriend refused to tell me that he loved me for the longest time. It drove me crazy. However, because he wouldn't use the "L" word, he would come up with all sorts of other things to say to express his affection. He would list reasons why I was awesome. He would pay me compliments. Yet he wouldn't say "I love you."

Which, apart from driving me crazy and making me a bit insecure, was actually awesome. Because "I love you" can be so cliche and meaningless. But those other things he said were true and specific and took more effort.

But "I love you" means so much. It is the most powerful sentence we have to convey our positive feelings. That's a big thing.

However, if we use the word "love" to describe how we feel about pizza AND how we feel about our soul mates, does that somehow lessen the word? Shouldn't there be an extra special word just to describe loving someone?

French is even worse. The word "love" in French is "aimer" which is also the word for "like." So "Je t'aime" could mean either "I like you" or "I love you." WTF? To clarify you could use "adorer" which means to adore so that you mean love instead of like.

This is all coming about because I wrote "I love you silly blog readers." I do love you but there are so many different types of love. I think we need more words.

random thoughts for the night

What do I want to be when I grow up? A famous writer. I want to be someone who is quoted. I love quotes. I spent a little too much time today looking at quotes.

As a random side note: quote is a verb and quotation is the noun so really what I should be saying is that I love quotations but since it is socially acceptable to say quotes instead, I will do that, but I do still feel slightly bad about it.

Anywho, the best quotes are ones that make you think.

"There is no harder thing to give up than the thing that was supposed to make you happy." -Robert Brault

So true. Whether it be a relationship or a career.

We are all so scared of change. I'm including myself in that "we" even though I try not to do it. It is just human nature.

---

Not to completely change the subject but we live in such a weird paradox. On the one hand, we are part of this giant cosmos and live for such a short little blip of time that we can say, "Our problems don't matter at all in the grand scheme of things, so don't worry about them." Yet on the other hand, that special moment you had today where you looked at something beautiful and thought, "This moment is truly a gift" did matter. That is what makes life matter.

So which is it? What matters?

Does it matter what matters?

---

By the way, I often hate blog posts like this where the writer seems like they are trying to be all deep and are tackling life's serious questions. I'm not. Just rambling about the thoughts popping into my head.

stop procrastinating

I love yoga.

I know this.

It isn't like I forgot this.

Yet I stopped doing yoga for YEARS! Over three years.

And I just got back into it. I finally stopped putting it off and saying, "Yeah, I should really start taking yoga again." Instead I actually started taking yoga again.

And I feel great! My first class I didn't feel great. My body had to get used to using all these crazy muscles again.

But now I feel great. I am looser. I am stronger. I am standing straighter.

Hells yeah!!!

It's just a good reminder that I should a) always take yoga and b) stop procrastinating because it feels so good to do the things that you want to do.

iTunes doesn't totally suck

So I got my iTunes account hacked into earlier this month. Not sure exactly when. I lost all my music. Which as you can imagine made me quite sad.

However, I got to re-download all of my purchased songs for free! So it wasn't a total loss.

And they did send me very chipper and nice emails trying to help me.

Yeah for people not totally sucking!

And I had one of the most polite bus rides of my life tonight. People were helping each other and moving out of each other's way and standing up so women with children could sit. It was AMAZING!!!

Great America

Do you know what's fun?

Six Flags Great America.

This was the closest I have ever come to puking from a rollercoaster. I am going to blame it more on my lunch (who eats salad at an amusement park?!?) rather than the actual coaster. And I did have to skip one of the rides (I patiently sat to the side while the others went on Superman) as I waited for my stomach to settle.

But not even a little rain could ruin our day.

With the park rented out for my sister's company party, we breezed straight to the front of the rides with practically no wait.

We rode the American Eagle backwards which is by far the scariest ride- not because of the loops or dips, but because you are constantly afraid that THIS is going to be the moment it falls apart.

They had the Little Dipper set up which they had bought from KiddieLand when it closed and reassembled. It was a piece of my childhood and it is nice to see that it hasn't disappeared.

And I had the best funnel cake of my life. Seriously. After the last funnel cake I had I wasn't even sure I wanted one, wasn't even sure I still liked them. Oh, I do! This was the bomb.

And I got to spend the day with my boy and sister and awesome cousin Julia. Life doesn't get much better than this.

work it, girl!

I joined a gym today.

Not being a member of a gym was obviously NOT working for me.

Sure, I play vball and soccer once a week. I jog outside a few times. But I also have a boyfriend that feeds me delicious foods and quite frankly, I have been packing on the pounds.

Sometimes you need to admit that you can't do things by yourself. I don't think I can lose this weight by myself. Being motivated to push myself really hard while working out has never been my strong suit.

So I joined the new fancy gym today and it ROCKS! And has lots of great classes and amenities. Though it no longer offers fencing which is a bummer because I would have loved to have taken that. And I already took my first class. Which was tough but didn't kill me. A few more classes like that a week and I will start shedding some of this weight!

Yes, Michigan! The feeling's forever!

Hi again! It's been awhile. Just got back from vacation. Which was perfect. We went up to New Buffalo, Michigan which is a touristy little resort town on Lake Michigan. Not a lot going on there and NOTHING going on there in the winter. But our hotel room had a big ol' jacuzzi tub and a fireplace and a view of the lake, not to mention the most fabulous robes I've ever put on. I'm not a big robe wearer, but apparently that's because all I've ever worn before were crappy robes.

These robes make you feel like royalty. We looked them up when we got home-- they are $175 a piece! Insane!

Our first day there happened to be in the 80s which was perfect, warm enough that we even braved going swimming in Lake Michigan. It's so much cleaner on that side of the lake! We splashed around for a few hours and had a gay ol' time.

Thankfully we did that the first day because the second day was 70 (and then dropped a little in the afternoon) and a bit overcast. Bad beach weather but perfect for wine tasting!

And I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised at the quality of the wine in Michigan- both red and white. Not the best wine in the world. But definitely drinkable. Enjoyable even. And we got to go from winery to winery on a luxury mini bus so we didn't even have to worry about driving drunk or getting lost. And we now actually have a full wine rack! I don't remember the last time that happened.

I'm still trying to get back into the swing of things. My mind is still on vacation. But I'm a happy camper. It was a perfect little getaway that was less than two hours away.

&

Fascinating...

What character was removed from the alphabet but is still used every day?

September 2, 2011

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Johnson & Johnson, Barnes & Noble, Dolce & Gabbana: the ampersand today is used primarily in business names, but that small character was once the 27^th part of the alphabet. Where did it come from though? The origin of its name is almost as bizarre as the name itself.

The shape of the character (&) predates the word ampersand by morethan 1,500 years. In the first century, Roman scribes wrote in cursive, so when they wrote the Latin word et which means “and” they linked the e and t. Over time the combined letters came to signify the word “and” in English as well. Certain versions of the ampersand, like that in the font Caslon, clearly reveal the origin of the shape.

The word “ampersand” came many years later when “&” was actually part of the English alphabet. In the early 1800s, school children reciting their ABCs concluded the alphabet with the &. It would have been confusing to say “X, Y, Z, and.” Rather, the students said, “and per se and.” “Per se” means “by itself,” so the students were essentially saying, “X, Y, Z, and by itself and.” Over time, “and per se and” was slurred together into the word we use today:ampersand. When a word comes about from a mistaken pronunciation, it’s called a mondegreen. Find out why here.

(The ampersand is also used in an unusual configuration where it appears as “&c” and means etc. The ampersand does double work as the e and t.)

The ampersand isn’t the only former member of the alphabet. Learn what led to the extinction of the thorn and the wynn.

Are there other symbols or letters you would like to learn about? The most popular choice below will be our focus in the near future.

massage is still a no-go.

How sad is it that I have no desire to give massage anymore? It is possible that I am still just in a slump, a mini period of being burnt out, and I will get over it and love my job again, but right now I am not feeling it.

Do you know why this sucks? Because I used to LOVE my job. And I felt sorry for all those suckers who didn't love theirs and did theirs just for the money.

Well, I don't make a lot of money, so if I don't love it, why am I doing it?

To be fair, my first and third massages today were very enjoyable. It was just the second one that sucked. Stupid lower trapezius muscle, why won't you release?!?

And even with not loving my job at the moment, my life still rocks. So I'm not complaining.

Maybe this is what I need... the motivation to go out there and devote myself to writing. When I was loving my massage job I had no motivation to do anything different. Now I do.

Perhaps this is the kick in the pants that I need.

Or maybe I need to just get back in the groove.

It's been a weird month.

C'est la vie.

civil war stories

The best thing about doing research for a story is the weird things you run across, that you NEVER would have seen otherwise.

Like this little story:

The Barlow/Gordon Incident At Gettysburg

Returning from the banks of the Susquehanna, and meeting at Gettysburg, July 1, 1863, the advance of Lee's forces, my command was thrown quickly and squarely on the right flank of the Union army. A more timely arrival never occurred. The battle had been raging for four or five hours. The Confederate General Archer, with a large portion of his brigade, had been captured. Heth and Scales, Confederate generals, had been wounded. The ranking Union commander on the field, General Reynolds, had been killed, and Hancock was assigned to command. The battle, upon the issue of which hung, perhaps, the fate of the Confederacy, was in full blast. The Union forces, at first driven back, now reënforced, were again advancing and pressing back Lee's left and threatening to envelop it. The Confederates were stubbornly contesting every foot of ground, but the Southern left was slowly yielding. A few moments more and the day's battle might have been ended by the complete turning of Lee's flank.

I was ordered to move at once to the aid of the heavily pressed Confederates. With a ringing yell, my command rushed upon the line posted to protect the Union right. Here occurred a hand-to-hand struggle. That protecting Union line once broken left my command not only on the right flank, but obliquely in rear of it. Any troops that were ever marshalled would, under like conditions, have been as surely and swiftly shattered. There was no alternative for Howard's men except to break and fly, or to throw down their arms and surrender. Under the concentrated fire from front and flank, the marvel is that any escaped.

In the midst of the wild disorder in his ranks, and through a storm of bullets, a Union officer was seeking to rally his men for a final stand. He, too, went down, pierced by a Minié ball. Riding forward with my rapidly advancing lines, I discovered that brave officer lying upon his back, with the July sun pouring its rays into his pale face. He was surrounded by the Union dead, and his own life seemed to be rapidly ebbing out. Quickly dismounting and lifting his head, I gave him water from my canteen, asked his name and the character of his wounds. He was Major-General Francis C. Barlow, of New York, and of Howard's corps. The ball had entered his body in front and passed out near the spinal cord, paralyzing him in legs and arms. Neither of us had the remotest thought that he could possibly survive many hours. I summoned several soldiers who were looking after the wounded, and directed them to place him upon a litter and carry him to the shade in the rear. Before parting, he asked me to take from his pocket a package of letters and destroy them. They were from his wife. He had but one request to make of me. That request was that if I should live to the end of the war and should ever meet Mrs. Barlow, I would tell her of our meeting on the field of Gettysburg and of his thoughts of her in his last moments. He wished me to assure her that he died doing his duty at the front, that he was willing to give his life for his country, and that his deepest regret was that he must die without looking upon her face again.

I learned that Mrs. Barlow was with the Union army, and near the battlefield. When it is remembered how closely Mrs. Gordon followed me, it will not be difficult to realize that my sympathies were especially stirred by the announcement that his wife was so near him. Passing through the day's battle unhurt, I despatched at its close, under flag of truce, the promised message to Mrs. Barlow. I assured her that if she wished to come through the lines she should have safe escort to her husband's side.

In the desperate encounters of the two succeeding days, and the retreat of Lee's army, I thought no more of Barlow, except to number him with the noble dead of the two armies who had so gloriously met their fate. The ball, however, had struck no vital point, and Barlow slowly recovered, though this fact was wholly unknown to me. The following summer, in battle near Richmond, my kinsman with the same initials, General J. B. Gordon of North Carolina, was killed. Barlow, who had recovered, saw the announcement of his death, and entertained no doubt that he was the Gordon whom he had met on the field of Gettysburg. To me, therefore, Barlow was dead; to Barlow, I was dead.

Nearly fifteen years passed before either of us was undeceived. During my second term in the United States Senate, the Hon. Clarkson Potter, of New York, was a member of the House of Representatives. He invited me to dinner in Washington to meet a General Barlow who had served in the Union army. Potter knew nothing of the Gettysburg incident. I had heard that there was another Barlow in the Union army, and supposed, of course, that it was this Barlow with whom I was to dine. Barlow had a similar reflection as to the Gordon he was to meet. Seated at Clarkson Potter's table, I asked Barlow: "General, are you related to the Barlow who was killed at Gettysburg?" He replied: "Why, I am the man, sir. Are you related to the Gordon who killed me?" "I am the man, sir," I responded. No words of mine can convey any conception of the emotions awakened by those startling announcements. Nothing short of an actual resurrection from the dead could have amazed either of us more. Thenceforward, until his untimely death in 1896, the friendship between us which was born amidst the thunders of Gettysburg was greatly cherished by both.

Magic Eraser

Okay, I'm not usually one to talk about cleaning products, but my mom and my sister have been raving for months about how awesome the Magic Eraser is.

They swear it is the best thing to clean the bathroom.

Well, I just happened to have one sitting out the other day (that seems like a random thing to have sitting out, but that is just how my life goes) and I looked over at the nasty, grease covered stovetop and I thought, "Hey, why not?"

And it was amazing! It seriously got clean in one swipe! No scrubbing. No heavy cleaners.

It rocked my world. Kind of makes me want to go clean other things now!

I can't recommend it enough!

And that's enough talk about cleaners.

typos

Yes, I'm an English nerd. Yes, I notice typos and misspellings everywhere. Most of the time I get mildly annoyed by them but nothing major. But I love when the typo changes the meaning of a sentence without the author realizing it.

There are many, many great examples on Facebook.

http://www.happyplace.com/3645/the-best-obnoxious-responses-to-misspellings-on-facebook

But you can also find them in real life. I was looking at my client's intake form the other day at work and it asked her how she heard about our spa. Most people will put down "from a friend" or "thru yelp." We make our clients fill out a new form every few years and so they don't always remember how they originally heard about it.

My client put down "I've been coming here for ions."

Really? I didn't even know that we carried ions at the spa!

It's such a tiny typo, but makes such a big change in the sentence! That's why English is so much fun!

pics from my trip

This pic isn't actually from my trip, it's from about a block away from my house in Chicago but I completely fell in love with this cloud and had to share it!

This is the Biltmore Estate is Ashville, NC. It is the largest private residence in the US. Owned by the Vanderbilts. It's pretty much a castle only more comfortable with modern conveniences.

It contains my dream library! Seriously, it is straight out of Beauty & the Beast. We weren't allowed to take pics, hence the poor quality as I quickly snuck this one in. There is a chess set there that used to be owned by Napoleon.

The best part about road trips are the sunsets! This is the sunset in Kentucky which was of course way more spectacular than my phone is showing.

This is the question and answer session at the end with Orson Scott Card. He is sitting down because he had a stroke earlier this year and was pretty wiped out by the end. The girl to the left was the annoying girl in class who ALWAYS had her hand up. While I was sad to leave, I was NOT sad to get away from her.

This is the first time I ever had Chick-fil-A. Not that impressed. It was fine but not worth all the raving that southerns do about it.

Again, the pic doesn't do it justice but our drive took us through the Blue Ridge Mountains and there was just gorgeousness and forests all around. Blows my mind how rural most of the US is!

And I hate the Chicago Skyway toll road but I have to say that it gives you a pretty striking view of the city as you enter from that direction.

permission

Do you want to know what boggles the mind? How little self-confidence writers have. Whenever we share our work with people we have to do it with the caveat that it "isn't finished yet" or "isn't very good."

Orson Scott Card (henceforth referred to as OSC) talked about how in his daughter's third grade writing class the teacher did a brilliant thing- she gave the kids free writing time. Write however you want. Spell however you want. Punctuate however you want. You won't be graded. You won't be corrected. Totally freedom to write whatever you want and NOT be told that it is wrong. Not be judged.

Why don't we have self-confidence? Because we ARE judged. Often. And mainly by ourselves. And we hold ourselves to higher standards.

Well, I'm changing that. I'm giving myself permission to write whatever I want. I'm giving myself permission to fail and not let it ruin my life. (Though I'm not going to.) But I'm not going to let the fear of that stop me.

It's not failure till you stop.

As long as I keep writing I haven't failed. As long as I keep breathing, I haven't failed. There is always the chance to try again and succeed. I won't be a failed writer until I die. Until that point, if I am not successful, I will just be a not-yet successful writer. Not a failed writer.

I'm giving myself permission to LOVE what I write, even if it isn't award winning.

I give myself permission to ignore my critics, particularly my inner ones.

In short, I give myself permission to rock.

I give you permission too.

Rock on, crouton.

uncle orson's writing class

You are probably wondering what it is like to take a writing class with your favorite author. Well, let me tell you, it's AWESOME!!!

Orson Scott Card is my favorite author. While known mainly for his sci-fi and fantasy he also has written thrillers and horror and historical fiction.

I knew he was a Mormon but didn't know what to expect. And he was exactly what I expected and nothing like I expected. He is OPINIONATED! Not all of which I agree with, but most I do. He talked about how being an English major in college will not help you be a writer. English classes teach you how to dissect literature, to look for symbolism and foreshadowing. It doesn't teach you how to write.

He spent the class teaching us how to write. And how to be marketable. You want to write in present tense? Go ahead, but realize that most best selling authors are set in past tense.

How much better is it to be taught writing by a best selling author whose works you love than by my former writing teachers who have never been published or published only in New Zealand? I'm much more willing to believe him than them. Plus he is telling me the things that I WANT to hear. You DON'T have to start a story in the middle of an action shot. You don't have to give elaborate descriptions of your characters.

The things he said just made sense. I like sense.

Plus he is a decent human being. A real person.

The writing class was wonderful. Spending time with my mom on the way there and back was wonderful. Surrounding myself with fellow fantasy and sci-fi nerds was wonderful. All in all, a wonderful trip.

Glad to be back home and ready to write!