secret to happiness

Do you want to know what the secret to happiness is?

Well, I'll tell you... all you need is meaning/ a purpose in your life. That's it. That's what it takes.

I think that is one of the reasons that religion is so popular. It's the idea that we were specifically/purposefully put here by some higher power and that automatically gives our lives meaning. If there is no god and we just evolved from single cell organisms, then what is the point? Why are we here? What are we doing? Why do we bother?

The idea that there is no meaning to us being here is terrifying. And so we've come up with the idea that God put us here. We still don't know why. We just figure that it is a hidden meaning that only God knows, but still, that there is, in fact, a meaning.

But on a less cosmic scale, we need meaning/a purpose in our individual lives. It doesn't have to be some grand thing. Sure, we can all agree that curing cancer gives your life meaning and makes you feel like you have a purpose. Does that mean that everyone who is not doing that is wasting their life? That everyone else is going to be unhappy?

No, you just need to find something that is meaningful to you. Maybe you find meaning in raising your children to be good people. Maybe you find meaning in helping your company run smoothly so that you can provide some sort of service to the public. Maybe you find meaning in being a janitor so that children have a clean, healthy place to learn. It can be anything, as long as you find meaning in it. Maybe you don't even like your job, but you can still find meaning in the fact that you are providing for your family.

So what's your purpose? Where do you find meaning?

On a lighter note-

Q) Why was the dolphin so sad?

A) He had no porpoise in life!

I can see!!!

On Friday night I had LASIK surgery. I kept waiting to get nervous. I mean, for Christ's sake, they are taking a laser to my eye ball, that's something to get nervous about, right? But it just didn't happen. I was excited. Giddy. A little worried that at the last minute they would sorry, but you aren't a good candidate. But I never really got nervous.

After they gave me another eye exam (they are unbelievably thorough) and made me watch another video (of what to expect and frequently asked questions) they took me back into the doctor's office where I finally met the doctor who was to perform my surgery. The most interesting things that he told me was that if I wash my hands but then don't thoroughly dry them afterwards it doesn't really count as washing them. Also I am not allowed to wear any make-up for a week. This has really cut down on my time getting ready in the mornings. I mean, I only ever spent about ten minutes getting ready in the first place, but now that I don't have to put in contacts or put on make-up, it takes no time at all.

He told me that in a week from now when I do start wearing eye make-up again, I have to wear all new make-up. To avoid infections. It is just more sanitary. In a month I can go back to my old make-up.

And then they took me into the room with the "laser." They make me lay down on a little bed and then they handed me a stuffed teddy bear to hold on to. That was such a good idea. I wasn't freaking out, but just having that teddy bear to hold on to really helped me stay calm. I asked if they always had the teddy bear or if after doing a bunch of these surgeries they finally figured out that people needed something to hold. They have always had it. They laughed about the big, macho tough guys who grasp onto it for dear life. They also have a stuffed sheep but it is much less popular.

At one point the doctor said to me, "Don't worry, your eye isn't burning." Which I thought was an odd thing to say because I wasn't worried that my eye was burning. It hadn't even occured to me. Sort of like if you went up to someone on the street and said, "Don't worry, your hair's not on fire." But then a few seconds later I started to smell the burning smell that was coming from the laser. It turns out it was a good thing he told me that it wasn't coming from me, because that is not the smell you want to smell when you are taking a laser to your eye ball.

The entire procedure lasted less than five minutes. They don't give you any real medication but they put a lot of numbing drops in your eyes. It's weird to have somebody touching your eyes and you can't even feel it. The part that I was worried about the most was where they put something directly on your eye to keep the eye open and stop it from moving around and your vision fades out for a few seconds.

I was worried that I was going to panic and jump out of the chair, yelling, "I'm blind! I'm blind!"

I didn't.

In fact, it didn't even bother me. And the thing that they put on my eye wasn't scary either. I was picturing some big suction cup or a vacuum attached to my eye. I didn't even really see what it was but it wasn't a big deal.

Then they have you stare into a blinking red light for 40 seconds on each eye. And then you are pretty much done.

Maybe it was easier for me because I have been putting contacts in my eyes for the last 16 years so I am used to poking myself in the eye and having stuff in my eyes doesn't bother me. Maybe it was easier for me because without my glasses on I am practically completely blind so I couldn't really see what they were doing during the surgery. But it was a piece of cake.

My vision was a little blurry afterwards but right away I could read the clock that was on the wall. That's insane. Without my glasses I would have guessed that the round blob on the wall was PROBABLY a clock, but I couldn't have told you for sure.

That night they tell you to go straight to bed because the next four hours are the worst. There is no sharp pain, but there was a dull pain behind my eyes as though I was starting to get a headache. I went home, took some Advil, put in some eye drops, donned my awesome goggles that I have to wear while showering and sleeping for the next week and went to sleep. Sure enough, when I woke up around midnight, the pain was gone.

My eyes are a little bit dry, which is to be expected while I recover, but not painfully so and eye drops take care of that. The worst part, in my opinion, is the steroids drops I have to put in my eyes that actually leave a gross, metallic taste in the back of my mouth. But even that is tolerable, just a little unpleasant and I only have to take them for four more days.

I woke up the morning after my surgery and looked around and started to cry. Sure, I could see my clock without having to put on glasses. That was great. But that wasn't why I was crying. I was crying because my vision is amazing. I never saw this well with glasses. It is like a whole new world. I suspected that people could see this well, but didn't believe that I would ever be able to. For the past few years my vision has deteriorated and I was having trouble seeing stuff like street signs. I'd go to the doctor thinking that I needed a new prescription and they'd say my prescription was fine. WTF?? I am guessing the problem was my astigmastism, which also got corrected with the surgery.

It is amazing. I wish I did this years ago. I can see!!! You silly people with your awesome vision have no idea how amazing this is. It seriously is a miracle. If Jesus really existed and cured people's blindness, I can understand why they would follow him around and worship him.

I just can't stop looking at stuff. In the car with my sister I would point out signs and tell her what they said. She was like, "Uh-huh, I know."

I'm sitting here doing my little happy dance in my chair because I am just that excited. This rocks!

And I just checked one thing off of my "to do before I die" list. Go me!

vicious attack!

On Saturday morning I was attacked. And now I feel so violated.

That's right, I was just minding my own business when I heard some weird clicking noises coming from my computer. I went to check it out, just to see someone opening up a bunch of windows on my computer. They'd open them, I would shut them. I would try to shut down, they would stop me. It was a tug-o'-war over the cursor. I eventually won and shut down my computer.

Unfortunately, the battle didn't end there. I can't get rid of the bad stuff on my computer because I need my password to do that and I can't type my password because my keyboard isn't working. Sigh! Does my keyboard just happen to not be working? Or is my keyboard not working because they somehow disabled it?

And why do mean people hack computers anyways?

I can't remember who it was, maybe John Updike, but a famous author said that he only writes his novels on a computer that does not have any sort of internet access so that nobody can get in and hack it. He has a totally different computer for internet. Some people might think he is paranoid. I think he is smart.

what I learned today...

I went to the Field Museum today. I love that place. Situated right on the lake with a gorgeous view of the skyline. Filled with dinosaur bones and mummies, it never fails to delight. I was a little appalled by the wild children running amok, crossing barriers and pawing the displays while their parents did nothing to stop them, but that's neither here nor there.

I saw two exhibits today, one about water and the other a photo exhibit about Freedom rides and overcoming segregation. That was more than enough for one day. The joy of being a member is you don't have to try and see the whole museum in one visit!

There is always way more information than I can process at one time but I did come away with two interesting new tidbits of information.

1) In Africa, where they don't have normal pipes and plumbing like we do, they've come up with this really awesome thing called a Play Pump to get clean water into their pipes.

Basically it is a merry-go-round type ride, in some ways similar to the really dangerous, metal round things that spun on the playground that we had as kids that would inevitably start spinning way too fast and you had to hold on for dear life or the centrifugal force would send you sailing onto the concrete. Theirs are more elevated, but the kids play on them and as they spin it round and round the force generated brings up water and pumps it into a water tank high about the ground. It's frickin' brilliant!

Check it out: www.playpumps.org

2) Snow is formed when water goes from a gas form to a solid form, skipping the liquid form.

Who knew?

To Insure Prompt Service

I've figured it out. I know how to make the workforce in America both more productive AND happier.

Give them tips!

Not tips as in advice, but actual money.

There is never a day when I don't give 100% at my job. How many people can say that? But the amount of money I make is directly related to the quality of work I do. I work entirely on commission which means that I only make money when I am giving massages, so I try to make every client love their treatment so that they will come back. The other reason I work so hard is because the better I am, the more the client enjoys the massage, the bigger the tip I'll get.

There is something immensely satisfying about going to the tip jar at the end of the day and getting cash money for the work that you did.

Now I know that people get bonuses in their paychecks and things, and that IS a good incentive, but I still think tips are better.

Can you imagine? "That was a great report you typed up, here's $20!" Or "thanks for sending out that email, here's $5." If we gave people slightly lower base salaries and then rewarded them with cash tips for doing good work, well I doubt people would spend so much time on Facebook or on the phone when they were supposed to be working!

Giving tips is giving positive, immediate feedback. People will feel like the work they do does matter and that will make them happier. Plus having a pocketful of cash will also make them happier.

question

Do you think animals ever think to themselves, "Man, I'm so out of shape!"?

drug use

I was looking at my dad's University of Chicago quarterly magazine. The cover story was about a guy who used to be a heroine addict and now is really big into shadow boxing. Wow, what a touching, great story!

It makes me want to become a drug addict. Ya know why? Because then no matter what you do, you really seem like you are doing great.

If you look at my life right now, it doesn't seem that special. But if I had been a hardcore drug addict before- you would be looking at my life saying, "Good for her! She's got a steady job, she pays all her bills, she's in great shape, she's not living in the gutter, she doesn't have any children out of wedlock. She really has got her act together."

So yeah for me! And yeah for you! You are doing a great job.

There is a store by my work that has the cutest little framed sign. It has a little random cartoon character and he is saying, "You are doing everything right."

We need to be told that every now and then.

When we are little we get applauded all the time. Yeah, you didn't wet the bed! Yeah, you put on your own clothes! Yeah, you tied your shoes!

Nowadays we only get applauded for really big things like raises and giving birth to children. What about the fact that you made it through a whole day without punching your boss, even though they REALLY deserved it? That should be applauded.

What about when you limit yourself to two cookies even though you want to eat the whole box? That should DEFINITELY be applauded.

***

I'm in the midst of reading 'Tis by Frank McCourt. It is the sequel to Angela's Ashes. I don't really like it but there was one paragraph that caught my attention today. He was talking about going to college and being surrounded by the other students, who unlike him don't have to work the night shift to put themselves through school:

When they're not talking about their averages the students argue about the meaning of everything, life, the existence of God, the terrible state of the world, and you never know when someone is going to drop in the one word that gives everyone the deep serious look, existentialism. They might talk about how they want to be doctors and lawyers till one throws up his hands and declares everything is meaningless, that the only person in the world who makes any sense is Albert Camus who says your most important act every day is deciding not to commit suicide.

For most of us, that's not even a decision we have to consciously make. For some people it is. But I would have to agree- that is the most important act we make. And I applaud you for it.

woke with the strangest feeling

I woke up this morning and had the strangest feeling. I realized that I actually really like my body. I felt good. I looked in the mirror and liked what I saw. When does that happen?

Granted, it could be because I am comparing it to the body that I had three weeks ago before I started my hardcore workout regime. Though I haven't lost much weight, I have definitely lost a couple of inches.

It just seems weird to admit that I like my body. My first thought is that it seems like a vain thing to say. But ya know what? It's not vain... it's healthy! Feminists have for years been trying to combat the negativity that we are bombarded with by the media. Teaching us to love our bodies.

Well ya know what? It's working. I love my body. I love that it does what I tell it to. I love that I can rollerblade for miles every day. I love that I can feel my muscles flexing under my skin. I love my curves. I love the softness of my skin.

Sure, I'd still like to drop some weight, mainly so I could fit back into all my pants! I currently can only fit into one pair of jeans. These are the jeans that I finally went out and bought a few months ago. I didn't want to buy them because they were size 12. But they fit. And as my sister and I were just discussing... only you ever see the size label on your clothes. So suck it up and buy clothes that actually fit you. You'll look a lot better in the 12's than trying to squeeze your ass into those 8's.

In my job we learn to treat every person and every body with "unconditional positive regard." Really it should be "unconditional love" but "positive regard" was more P.C.

I can see the beauty is everyone else's body, so why not my own? Would you ever tell your friend that her thighs were too fat? Do you not like your friend because her under arms sag?

It is time to treat yourself like you would treat your friends. Love yourself for who you are.

Sure, there are always going to be things you want to improve about yourself, but that doesn't mean that you can't love yourself for who you are right now.

***

On a side note, my blogs have been annoying lately. Well, they've been annoying me lately anyways with their chirpy optimism and promises of change and improvement and blah, blah, blah. I've got to move away from that crap. But I was really happy this morning and realized how rare that is so wanted to share.

happy

My happy thought for the day is this: Julia Child didn't learn to cook until she was 35.

There is hope for me yet.

:)

time to get a move on

It's been a few months since I've started this blog and what have I accomplished? Not a whole lot.

I've learned to play tennis and do some cool hula hoop moves. Which is nice. But not really something to write home about.

I've had a great time hanging out with friends- new and old. There's a lot to be said for that. It makes life worth living.

As a result of living with my sister and taking frequent long walks with her, we have bonded and gotten to know each other in a whole new way.

I've grown really comfortable being single and feel stronger. Don't get me wrong... every now and then I still throw little pity parties for myself where I dwell on the fact that I might never fall in love again. But I don't really believe that's true.

So all that is something, but not enough. It's time to step it up. I seem to be pretty good at adding things to my "to do before I die" list but I don't seem to be that good at actually crossing things off.

But that's about to change.

I'm starting by getting Lasik eye surgery. I have to start somewhere, right? I've always wanted it and the technology has improved to the point where they can fully correct my vision. It's expensive. Damn expensive, but with the payment plan and zero interest I will have it paid off in a year and a half. Not bad.

And because of deciding to get Lasik and therefore having to go get an exam, I got to dreamily gaze at an adorably cute optometrist all afternoon. See, good things happen when you decide to take control of your life!

chicago baseball

A lot of people think you have to choose between being a Cubs fan and a Sox fan. But you don't. I like them both. I think the reason that I can like them both is because I'm not a die hard fan. I go to more Sox games because it is easier to get tickets to those games and because I have a lots of Sox fan friends, but I actually prefer the Cubbies. Though both teams have their fair share of idiot fans.

I am a rarity though. Most people love one team and hate the other.

Anyways, the funniest thing I have seen this week was when I was watching a Sox game on TV. It was an away game and there wasn't much of a crowd. The camera panned to one section that was all but deserted. There were only four people in the section. It was a family- a mom and a dad and two young boys.

The mom and dad sat with the younger son between them and were huddled together under a Sox blanket. The older son sat about 12 rows up by himself... under a Cubs blanket!

Classic Chicago!

are you special?

Do you think you are special?

Maybe I am just lucky to be surrounded by really amazing people but I wouldn't describe any of my friends as just a normal person.

I've always believed that everyone in their hearts thinks that they are truly special and different. Maybe I am completely wrong about that.

I got a friend request from someone on Facebook that I didn't know. So I looked at their info and in their "about me" column they had written "I'm just a regular guy, no bells and whistles."

Really? Perhaps it is because I really am different but I would never describe myself that way. Nor would I want to. Again, what's the fun in being normal?

Which made me think about why someone would want to be "a regular guy." Well, it can feel good to fit in. It means that you have things (beliefs, activities, etc) in common with lots of other people. Especially if you were ever ostracized before, being accepted and fitting in could be ideal. And it can be a much more succinct description for a guy rather than saying, "I like cars and sports and beer and boobs, etc."

Yet I think every person, especially the more you get to know them, is special. So that even if they are doing "normal" things with their life it doesn't make them any less special.

On a sort of related note, I have heard that when asked to rate their appearance on a scale of 1 to 10, that over 75 percent of the population will rank themselves as a 7 or 8. How would you rank yourself?

I'd probably give myself a 7 or 8. Anyways, this means that most of the population thinks that they look above average. Which ties in with my belief that I thought that everybody sees themselves as being better than average.

nerd alert

Okay, I'm going to admit something that is kind of embarrassing and nerdy. On Twitter I follow some friends, some news feeds and... some celebrities. That's right, I stalk celebs via Twitter.

It started because I had heard that John Mayer was an obsessive tweeter and he gets made fun of for doing it so much so I wanted to check it out and see how annoying he was. In case you were wondering, it's true, he is sort of obnoxious. But amusing too. His latest tweet?

johncmayerJust figured out Rock Band. The right hand has to stay down the entire length of the note. Dumb. But I'm rocking now. @tonyheld is toast.

Then there is my personal favorite- Sarah Silverman. She might be the funniest tweeter I have ever met.

What makes me super nerdy is that in my head I pretend that I am totally friends with these people. Like, "oh yeah, Sarah Silverman is sending out a tweet to me. That's cool."

Such a nerd. I was skeptical at first but I am liking twitter. I don't have to worry about annoying people with constant facebook updates now. I update via twitter instead. I have a lot of friends in facebook so my news feed is made up of info from lots of different people. I was thinking about my friends though who only have twenty or thirty friends on facebook- I worry that their home page is comprised entirely of updates from me!

let's get physical

I was walking home the other day and I was in a funk. I was focusing on things that other people had and that I wanted. That is always a recipe for destruction.

It was a lovely summer day, everything was lush and green. The air was a little cool but it was a nice change from the heat wave we'd been having. There were pretty flowers everywhere. There were little birds hopping around discovering treasures in the grass. There were children playing in the playlot, letting out delighted shrieks in the way that only children can do. But was I seeing any of this? If I was it wasn't registering.

I walk fast. I knew that in a couple of minutes I would get home and I would still be in a funk.

I told myself to stop being in a funk. Stop thinking about the stuff I didn't have and focus on the great stuff I do have. I told myself to stop.

And so I did. I stopped. To a passerby it must have looked kind of weird for me to be striding down the sidewalk at full tilt and then come to a screeching halt but that's what I did.

I stopped. And took a few breaths. And looked around me. And smiled.

Wow. I could have told myself to stop having those negatives thoughts all day and nothing would have come of it. But actually stopping, stilling my body, looking at the world, did the trick.

It made me think about how important physical actions are. How just standing up straight can make you feel stronger and more confident. How smiling even when you don't feel like it, can make you feel happier.

Try it. Take a deep breath. Now give yourself a little hug. Now sit up straight, with your head held high. Take another deep breath. Now smile. And know that right now I am smiling back at you.

Don't you feel better?

“This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.” -Charlie Brown