facebook profile pic

So here's the thing- yesterday was a big day in court fighting to get gay marriage legalized. And a lot of people on Facebook changed their profile pic to a red equal sign to show support of gay marriage.

And, of course, that created a bunch of clever spin offs.

And I will admit that I don't usually do things like change my facebook pic for things like this. I've seen too many "It's national brother day, change this to your facebook status if you love your brother!" and other such stupidity. A lot of times I think, "What's the point? That won't change anything."

So while I am a firm supporter of gay marriage, I wouldn't usually jump on the bandwagon of facebook trends. That is, until I read some statuses by some gay friends of mine.

Everyone changing their profile pic in support of marriage equality is making me so happy. It may not seem like a big deal to you but to me it's like this grand statement saying, "we love you" "we are standing with you against this hate" "this country is changing" "Michele Bachman is crazy". So thank you!

Eloquently said by my partner, Dan. I don't think y'all know how much it meant to see the overwhelming support from all of you today. Always knew you were there, but seeing it took my breath away.

Absolutely amazed by the updates on FB from our straight allies. You guys and gals play a big role in this civil rights fight with us. You have been with us in this fight all along the way. And the Dan and Meta Show certainly wouldn't speak for the entire gay community (although we have requested that power from them several times), thank you, thank you, thank you!

And that was enough for me. Is changing my profile picture going to affect if the law gets changed? No. But if it makes even one person feel supported and accepted and loved, then it is worth it. 

baby blues

Last week was rough.

As I said to Mike, "You know how when you are really happy- everything just sort of seems to go your way? And it is like you draw more happiness and happy people towards you? And you notice pretty and awesome things that you never noticed before- even though you've walked by them a thousand times? Yeah, well, last week was the exact opposite of that."

And it is mainly just hormones, because nothing is going that poorly in my life. Though losing my Gonzo button- which was my "something blue" from my wedding- really bummed me out.

But sometimes you need a crappy week to make you appreciate the good weeks.

The hardest thing for me right now is not being pregnant. I've ALWAYS wanted kids. And I've always had that urge to have kids. I've felt like my biological clock was ticking since I was 21. And while I'm soooo glad that I waited to have kids with Mike rather than having kids with the wrong person just so I could have kids, it doesn't change the fact that I really want kids and it is hard not having them.

And I've become jealous. Not of my friends who have older kids, for some reason that is okay. But of my friends who have had babies in the last few weeks or who are pregnant. Seeing it on Facebook almost brings me to tears. Before it was okay. Before it was my conscious decision to not have kids yet.

Now it's not. Now it's my body not doing what I want it to. And now it's worrying. Is this just the normal period that people go through when trying to get pregnant? Or did the procedures that I had done when I had the pre-cancerous cells on my cervix years ago really mess up my ability to get pregnant? It was a possibility that I had to risk at the time. Or maybe it's not that at all. Maybe it's Mike's sperm. Or maybe I'm pregnant right now.

That's the hardest part- the build up of hope every month just to be shot down.

And sweet Jesus, I've only been trying for three months! I know people who have done this for years. How do they do it? While I've always been sympathetic towards them, I now have so much more love and tenderness towards them. I remember a client I had a few months ago- she was having invitro done the next day and she was one of the biggest balls of stress I've ever seen. I remember thinking at the time that there was no way it was going to take because no baby could survive in that sort of stressed out environment. Now I wanna go back and just give her the biggest hug ever.

Anyways, I'm feeling much, much better. And hopeful. And I've been writing a ton- finally back to work on my novel.  And life is good.

oops!

So much for my New Year's Resolution, I didn't post a single time in February! That's okay, February is the lamest month ever. That's why we keep it so short.

Instead of doing a real post let's just do some bullet points, shall we?

- I hate when friends name their baby something that I was planning on naming a kid, cuz then it seems like I am just copying them. Of course, unless you make up a new original name, you are going to be copying somebody.

- I love it when I get my password right (for things I don't often log into) on the first try.

- It's snowing again. Yuck. But at least we're not having a mega-drought. So that's good.

- We are redoing our living room. My next post will have pics, but I'm too lazy to upload them from my camera right now.

- I'm doing a competition with my sister to see who can lose the most weight in the next eight weeks. I'm gonna win. It's only been two days and I already feel skinnier.

- It's only been two days and I remember why I don't like dieting- I miss food!

- My landlord is hispanic and her teenage son yells at her all the time and I want to go down there and punch him. He should not be talking to his mama like that.

- I had a scary cab driver last night. He was convinced every red light was a personal vendetta against him. People who hate driving should NOT be cab drivers.

- I'm in a grouchy mood. And I'm sick of the city. And I'm dreaming about moving out to the country. But then I think about the bugs and the snakes and how I'd probably get stuck with a neighbor I didn't like so I should probably just stay here.

- Now you can see why I haven't posted. Not much to talk about. No major news. I'm not pregnant. My mom's health is not great but it's steady and not horrible. Mike is still awesome. My coworkers are still not the best but I am trying to be nicer to them.

-And I had to buy new pants because mine totally split in the crotch when I was at work on Saturday. So that was fun.

I'll talk to you again when I am less grouchy!