I miss the old christmases

Do you remember when Christmas used to be fun and magical?

Christmas as an adult is different. It's expensive. And exhausting. And emotional.

That's not to say it's not lovely. It's still fun. I still enjoy parts of it. I do. Really.

But when we were at my aunt's house last night I got pretty down. I had been doing really well, but last night it was baby central. It seems like all of my cousins (who are younger than me) are popping out babies. There were four babies under the age of 2 years-old there last night. And lots of happy aunts/grandmas cooing and cuddling them and it was sweet. And I wanted to punch them all in the face.

And then Mike sees me get upset and then he gets upset. And then I think about all the people who are single and how hard it might be for them to be there pretending it is all great. And then I think about all the people with anxiety and other problems who struggle to be in those situations and how hard it is for them. And then I think about all the people who are missing someone who has passed away and how hard it is for them.

Like I said, do you remember when Christmas used to be fun and magical?

I have an amazing life. I have the best husband ever. But that doesn't stop me from getting sad sometimes. As much as my brain tries to convince my heart to be happy, it doesn't always get with the program.

Was 2014 a good year? It was a hard year. Lots of hurdles. Lots of challenges. Lots of being in limbo, especially in regards to Mike opening his restaurant, which I have no control over.

It wasn't a bad year. I did lots of growing. I totally rocked this school year. I learned more than I ever thought capable. And I did pass my comps, by the way!

But given the choice, I would not repeat this year. I'm glad to have it behind me.

I could post about the awesome presents I got for Christmas, and the amazing dinners my husband cooks me and tell you about my upcoming trip to Puerto Rico. I could paint a picture that would make you super envious of my life. But that's what Facebook is for! Ha! Here on my blog, you get the more balanced picture. Yes, my life is amazing, but I'm a little down right now. And that's okay.

Balance is good. It makes you appreciate what you have. And right now I have a bed that is calling my name!

I hope everyone reading this had a wonderful Christmas and found more reasons to smile than to cry this year.

winter break! woohoo!

A friend just complained that I haven't updated this since September... so in honor of the one person that actually still checks this, here goes...

I just finished my "hell week" which was actually more like two weeks. I had six finals and then my "comps" the big scary end of the year test (which consists of eight different sections) which you need to pass to move on in the program. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I had to know the locations and actions of over 200 acupuncture points. I had to know the Chinese and Latin names of over 200 herbs as well as their functions and I had to be able to identify them based on their looks. And I had to try and remember something about how to practice Chinese medicine and the theory behind it. I haven't gotten my grades back yet but the only portion that I bombed was actually the bio-science portion which is odd because that's one of my strengths. However, the questions were not at all relevant to what I am going to be doing in real life so I'm not that upset about not doing well on it. For example, one of the questions was which type of plant is more common: angiosperms or gymnosperms? There were four possible answers but I ruled out whatever the other two were. And then I just had to guess. Because WHO FUCKING CARES??? How is that going to matter as an acupuncturist? I just looked up the answer and it is that there are more known species of angiosperms that all other types of plants combined. So I got that right, so maybe I got lucky on some others too? Fingers crossed!

Here are all the herbs I had to learn!

Now I'm on vacation. And it's lovely. And I don't know what to do with myself! I'm almost done reading my first book. I have several more lined up. Vacation is lovely. Oh, I already mentioned that. Well, it is!

I went to the eye doctor yesterday and she had me do the Snellen chart (I bet you didn't know that had a name!) where you read the letters that she has on the far side of the room. And I was able to read the bottom line so she put up an even smaller line and I could read that too! She told me that she only asks people who have had Lasik if they can read that one- it means I have 20/15 vision! Woohoo! Seriously, getting Lasik was the best thing I ever did. She told me that a lot of professional athletes are coming in and getting Lasik to TRY to get to 20/15 vision to give them an advantage!

Christmas is coming and I'm very much looking forward to it. What's your favorite part about Christmas? Mine in my stocking! My parents' rule was that you only got stockings while you were in school but I love them so much that Santa (my sister!) took over for them and has continued to fill it year after year. Did I tell you that I got Mike a Justin Bieber stocking? He hates it, but I think in twenty years time when it becomes "retro" that it will be awesome. You have to think ahead on things like this.

I got really pissed at a client the other day. She wanted super duper amounts of pressure. More than I wanted to give her, but she was adamant and said it felt great and was really helping and how she gets migraines when people massage her with less pressure. So I gave it to her. And then she complained later that she was really, really sore. No fuck! Grrrrr!

Mike and I are already plotting ideas for next year's christmas card. Some of Mike's friends didn't realize that this year's was a Word Find puzzle. How do you NOT realize that it is a word find puzzle? It SAYS it is a word find puzzle. It has a list of words. It looks like a word find puzzle. I don't understand. Well, they are all stoners so perhaps that has something to do with it.

There is no room in our tiny apartment for a Christmas tree, so I "put up" at tree on our fridge. I was going to decorate it with paper ornaments and garland but Mike had the great idea of using the Christmas cards we receive as "ornaments." It turned out kinda cute, all things considered, but we are running out of room.

Speaking of Mike, he is doing well- as I type this he is off talking to a chef he hopes to hire. We are just waiting on one teeny tiny stupid woopid permit from the City of Chicago zoning department and then we can get our small business loan! Again, fingers crossed!

Alright, buddy (you know who you are!), I've posted something, are you happy now?

Merry Christmas everyone!

so this is what 35 feels like

I keep waiting to wake up one day and actually feel like an adult. I don't think it is going to happen, or at any rate it hasn't happened yet. I kept thinking... maybe when I turn 21. Nope. Maybe when I turn 25? Not at all. Thirty? Not so much. Maybe when I got married?

Right, so I'm a kid faking it in a grown-up world. Perhaps if I got a grown-up job and had a grown-up mortgage I would feel like more of a grown-up.

But what is being a grown-up anyway? I take care of my responsibilities and bills. I think about other people's needs and don't think the whole world revolves around me. I try to make the world a better place.

For some reason in my mind I equate having a boring office job with being a grown-up. But really, that is more about being an UNHAPPY grown-up!

I'm quite happy with the life I've chosen- hence why I chose it. And while having more money would make my life easier, it wouldn't necessarily make it better. So I stick by my decisions.

Though a funny moment did happen the other day. My mom, brother and sister and I were playing euchre and my mom looks at me and goes, "Wouldn't it be funny if you were the first person in our family to get their PhD?" We all turned to her with open mouths of shock. Realizing that what she said sounded somewhat insulting, she tried to backtrack. I knew what she was getting at. I was the flighty one who became a massage therapist as opposed to my siblings who got degrees in things like engineering or masters' in human resources- you know- things they could actually make a respectable living at.

If I do go on to get my PhD, I will make my mom call me "Doctor Nikki" every time she talks to me in retaliation for that comment. Which just goes to show how not grown up I am.

All this blah-blah-blahing about growing up is because I am turning 35 tomorrow. Which I'm not too excited about. Birthdays don't usually phase me but I always wanted kids before I was 35 and that didn't happen. The part of me that gets to go to bed in 20 minutes (when my laundry is done and why I am killing time by writing this until it is done) without having to take care of anyone or be disturbed by anyone is pretty glad that I don't have kids. But the deep down yearning is still there.

Can I be honest? I'm just in a bad mood because I sat on a wet seat on the el today and the wetness soaked into the pants I was wearing and was really, really disgusting. I tried not to let it ruin my night but things kept going wrong after that. So it's that more than anything that is making me all snippy tonight.

Turning 35 is wonderful. Some people never make it to 35. They are killed by illness or violence or tragic accidents. I am soooo lucky I get to turn 35 tomorrow. Every gray hair (or glitter strand as I like to call them) and every wrinkle is a gift.

And while I don't feel particularly grown-up, I do feel like I have learned a thing or two during my years here on earth. Mainly that kindness and gratitude are the most important things in the entire world.

I am grateful that I sat on the wet seat on  the el on my way HOME from school and not to school so that I was able to go straight home and scrub myself in the shower for 15 minutes straight and then wash my pants on high heat setting right away. I am grateful that I get to go to bed in five minutes and that I have a roof over my head and a comfy bed to lay in. I am grateful that I have the most incredible husband in the world. I am grateful that we are moving on to foot points during needling class tomorrow which are less scary than wrist points. I am grateful that I have friends and family who love me and I get to go out to dinner at least four times to celebrate my birthday! I am grateful I'm alive.

over-sharing

I had a horrible nightmare the other night, that I had written something completely personal and inappropriate and shared it on facebook. 

I know some people do that, but it is so not me. 

I actually let very few people in to my life. I probably SHOULD write super personal things on facebook. It would be good for me. Get me to share and open up. 

I was thinking about that today at school. I like my classmates. I talk to my classmates. But I only have one classmate that I am truly myself with, that I am willing to be vulnerable with. 

Fuck it. What's the worst that could happen if I let myself be vulnerable?

I could get hurt. That's what could happen. 

The best things in my life have come from being vulnerable- but the worst pain has come from being vulnerable too. I'm especially thinking of dear friends that I had who I never even speak to anymore- that's their doing, not mine. And it hurts. I'm sure they have their reasons, but it hurts. 

So I'm bitter at the world today. And I'm tired. And if we are being honest, I'm a tiny bit tipsy.                

I have a teacher that intimidates the fuck out of me. Speaks like seven languages and is crazy smart. And a thought occurred to me the other day, about how she goes home alone to a lonely apartment, and it probably isn't at all the life she had dreamed for herself. She is brilliant and accomplished but she has had disappointments in life too. Crazy how we are all just human when you get down to it. 

This has been a really hard year for me and I know my problems are nothing compared to some of my friends'. But I'm frustrated and feel alone. 

And I'm throwing myself a pity party. 

I know I could reach out to my friends and then I wouldn't feel so alone. But then I wonder why it has to be me that reaches out? Why does nobody ever think to reach out to me?

It makes me sad. 

But that's life, eh?

So I'll just suck it up and tomorrow will be better. 

In the meantime I will post some photos...

This is me and my sister when we washed an elephant.

God, that was YEARS ago, but it was still one of the coolest things I have ever done. 

This is more recently at Millenium Park in Chicago. 

I love the fountains there.

And I love the little girl in the wheelchair that was playing like all the other children and having a wonderful time. 

Seriously, how can I bitch and moan when I have it so good???

This was me studying for my finals at the end of last semester.

That was just the beginning.

The room got a WHOLE lot messier!

I finally went to the Mars Cheese Castle that is just across the border in Wisconsin. It has been on my To-Do List for YEARS and it finally happened. 

My husband is pretty adorable.

And we have lovely picnics, so that's something. 

Also we go to the beach/dunes in Michigan which is my happy place. 

The funniest part about going to the dunes/beach in Michigan is that they have a children's play area but all they have in the play area is a SAND box... at the BEACH!!!!

This is Squish, our hedgehog. He is a bad influence on me and makes me drink fancy beers.

Despite what you may be thinking, this photo is not posed. 

Mike took a photo of me enjoying my nap the other day.

It really was a heavenly nap.

Anyways, that's enough for one day.

Tempted to delete this whole post, but since nobody reads it anyways I will go ahead and leave it.

my first needle!

I got to needle my first person yesterday! I've been in school for almost a full year and I finally got to needle my first person! Mind you, it was only one point, but still it was exhilarating. So much of what I have learned this year is the theory behind the points and where the actual points are and human anatomy that you need to be careful of. We literally "don't want to strike a nerve!"

We started out by practicing on inanimate objects- an orange, a piece of foam, a bunch of paper towels folded up into a block- which by the way is IMPOSSIBLE to needle. I started on the orange and felt like such a stud. "This is easy!" But then I moved on and I couldn't even get the needle into the folded paper towels, it just kept bending. Apparently there is a teacher at the school (that I haven't had yet) who is from a foreign country and she had to be able to get the needle thru the block of paper towels in 10 seconds or less before she was ever allowed to needle a human. That's old school.

We got to move on once we decided we were comfortable. First we needled our non-dominant arm and then we needled our dominant arm. We only did one point- Large Intestine 11 (which is halfway between the lateral epicondyle of the humerus and the lateral end of the cubital crease.) I totally almost passed out when I first needled it on myself. Oops. I don't know why, it just freaked me out. Receiving acupuncture doesn't bother me. But the fact that I was doing it to myself (or maybe it was because I was sitting up??) just got me all light-headed. You put the needles in far enough that you get a "qi response" which either the patient reports or you the practitioner can feel. I could strongly sense the the qi getting activated. Anywho, I did some breathing exercises and calmed myself down and was fine.

Then came the big step... needling someone else. My partner, Jenny, decided at first that she wasn't ready to needle someone else, but she was willing to let me try. It was so scary!!! But then I took a deep breath and just did it. And it was totally fine. And I liked it. I wasn't sure how I would feel about putting needles in someone but I didn't mind it- especially when I know how beneficially it can be.

And Jenny was encouraged by my success and worked up the nerve to do it to me. And that went well too!

One of my classmates did manage to bruise their partner when they needled them. Oops! Soooo glad that wasn't me!

A year from now I will probably have put 1000 needles in people and I won't even remember how scared I was and how proud of myself I was for sticking one little needle in. But it was pretty awesome.

the end of an era

So Monday afternoon I got an acupuncture treatment and it was lovely. I left feeling all relaxed and zen and then checked my voicemails to find out that I no longer had a job. What?!? It was quite the blow. The spa that I have worked at for 10+ years closed permanently on Monday with absolutely no warning. I mean, yes, I knew that they had been struggling financially throughout the years, but I thought we were doing better. I'd been busy when I was there. I hadn't heard any talk recently about problems.

I had my last day there and didn't even know it was my last day. No goodbyes. No closure.

At least my last few weeks there were awesome. All of my massages went really well and I was super happy. So that's how I will remember it.

And I have to say, I am rather proud of myself on how I have handled this. It's like I'm a grown up or something. :) But I found out on Monday and then had to take midterms on Tuesday and Thursday that I totally rocked and by Friday I had found a new place to work.

The problem with the job that I just left is that it was my dream job. The other therapists I worked with were amazing and the love and support I got from them made work so enjoyable. Made life so enjoyable. My clients were lovely. It was a healthy, relaxed atmosphere. And they were cool with me working only two days a week.

I scoured the want ads for a while and everything sounded horrible. Starting from scratch just made me want to cry. Dealing with spas that try to force you to sell beauty products to your clients goes against everything I believe in. I finally realized what I had to do... I had to go off on my own.

So now I'm renting an acupuncturist's office on Sundays when he's not there. I have the whole place to myself. I checked it out on Friday and it has a good vibe to it. Not super fancy but it has a good vibe to it. I already set up a webpage and am gonna order business cards tonight. I contacted a few of my regular clients (whose info I had, my boss won't give me any contact info of other clients) to let them know how to contact me if they want a massage.

I haven't even been unemployed a week and already I have a plan. And things are going to be alright.

Change is scary but it can be good, right? It's a chance for me to run things like I want to run them. And give me a taste so I will know if I really want to run my own place when I am out of school or not.

So it's been a big, scary, stressful week. But good stuff is happening.

50th anniversary party

This past weekend was my parents' 50th wedding anniversary party. 

50 friggin' years.

I've only been married to Mike for two years and already we have so many memories and experiences together. Can you imagine what you have shared and lived through by the time you get to fifty??

My dad wanted a party. My mom hates parties.

We compromised by having a "simple" backyard BBQ.

Except we never have a simple backyard BBQ.

We did skip the bouncy room and dunk tank this time around but we did get an ice cream cart (stocked to the gills!) and a popcorn machine (which Brian already had expert knowledge of since he is in charge of that for their church fundraisers) and a pretzel warmer and hotdog and bun steamer (just like at the ballpark!)

 All of my nephews and nieces were in town. And let me tell you something. Kids are really weird. I mean, the stuff that comes out of their mouths. So weird. 

But it totally changes the energy when you have kids around vs just adults. 

I overhead someone at the party say that only 5% of all married couple reach the 50 year anniversary mark. Mike and I both have parents who have reached that mark. I'd be lying if I said that didn't affect me. Would I have this stupid plucky optimism that I have about love if my parents weren't still married? Probably not. 

I don't often think about what my parents have taught me about marriage. Rather I think about what they taught me about family. We certainly don't have the same views on everything but that doesn't matter. Family is about showing up and supporting each other. And we manage to have a fair bit of fun together too. 

HERBS!!!

You know, if it weren't for herbs, I might actually like school. 

And here's the thing... I find my herbs classes to be FASCINATING. 

Seriously, this stuff is straight out of Harry Potter.

It's just really, really hard. And I haven't figured out a way to memorize them all yet. 

I'm still hoping that it just clicks. Or that repetition does the trick. 

We were slow in the clinic the other day so my advisor asked me what herbs I knew. I stared at her for a second with a deer in the headlights sort of look. I seriously thought she was asking me to recite back every single herb I had learned! Sometimes they just like to test you like that- keep you on your toes! Turns out she just wanted to know if I had taken Herbs 1 yet. Which I have. So she sent me over to the Herb room to study and clean the shelves. Doesn't it look fun?

Each jar contains a different raw herb. They range in texture from powders to twigs. I'll admit that a fair number of them are brownish but there are some really pretty ones too. I found some "indigo" powder that was a gorgeous blue. 

There are hundreds of herbs. Some are very pretty like this one.

It's called Ju Hua. Otherwise known as Chrysanthemum flower. 

 Nice, right?

And then of course, there is this guy...

That was Chan Tui.

Otherwise known as cicada shell! Yum!

Very few clients elect to actually get the raw herbs, they prefer them in granule form that we mix from this set of shelves. 

However, we still have to learn to identify and know the properties of every single herb. 

And it's really, really hard. Have I mentioned that? For our midterm the teacher will take about 30 samples of the herbs we have learned and will have them sitting in little piles on the table with a number next to them and we have to know which herb is which just by looking at them and smelling and touching them. But of course they never give you the super easy ones like the chrysanthemum or cicada that I just showed you. Instead it will probably be one of these three...

Without the other two sitting next to it to compare it to, could you tell which one was which?

Like I said, herbs are hard. 

thinking about you

So here's a thought for you... how many people do you think thought about you today?

You might assume that your significant other did. Sure. Probably some of your friends. That's reasonable. Maybe a family member or a coworker.

But then I was thinking about all the random people that I think and wonder about on a daily basis. There are some that I think about all the time. Old friends, ex-boyfriends, classmates. I also have this weird thing that when I am massaging my clients' legs I often think about my old roommate- even though I have no association between massaging legs and my old roommate. They just pop into my head.

I think about clients I haven't seen in five years. I think about that girl on my soccer team when I was 10 years old. I think about my grade school friend's older sister. I think about the lady who rides the bus at the same time as me whom I've never even made eye contact with. I think about the teacher in college that I never even took a class with. I think about my landlord and my former landlord and the one before that. I think about my old waitress at the restaurant by my work. I think about members who I used to check in at the gym. I think about my ex-boyfriend's coworkers.

I don't think about all those people EVERY day. But I must think about hundreds of people a day. Well, at least a hundred.

And so it's very possible that 100 people thought about me today.

That's weird to me.

country living- sam's wedding

Mike and I took a little roadtrip this past weekend. Perhaps if we had thought it out, we would have decided it was a bad idea, but we didn't and I'm glad we went. 

Mike worked a double on Friday night and then we got up early Saturday so we could drive more than 8 hours to Odessa, Missouri for our friend's wedding reception. We got there just in time for it and then we drank and danced all night and got up the next morning to drive the 8+ hours back home and then Mike had to work a double on Monday. Ouch!

On the way home Mike let me stop at the Pink Elephant Antique Mall. I've driven by this place a bunch of times whenever we go to St. Louis and I've always wanted to go in but there is "never time to stop" when I'm with my family but luckily Mike is all about having little adventures and let us stop to check it out. 

The wedding itself was lovely. On a small farm.
I absolutely adore weddings.
They're so hopeful.

 But the best part was getting to sit around a huge fire and stare up at tons of stars! 

Oh the stars! 

Chicago is awesome in many way but you can only see about 10 stars at night and that's on a good night!

We were originally supposed to camp out at the farm that night but I freaked out when I read the expected overnight temperature was going to drop to 37 degrees! So I booked us into a hotel room instead. Mike was a little disappointed at first but the king size bed and two person whirlpool in our room helped him get over it! 

I've always thought of myself as a city girl but I've got to say, the country is

calling to me more and more lately. I wouldn't be surprised if I moved out there even before my program is finished.

May 10, 2014 pic a day

Hi. This is me. Right now. 

You can see some of my herbs and my big ass herb textbook on the table behind me just taunting me.

This is my closet. The upper shelf and bar holding all my hanging clothes collapsed.

This happened when I was at work. Mike walked in and saw it and asked what I did to my closet. 

"Oh, just something new I'm trying. Do you like it??"

completed list

I make "To Do" lists all the time. Some are "to do before this weekend" and some are "to do before I die." I find them really helpful. And it helps me stop worrying about needing to do it. If it is written down on a list I don't have to think "don't forget to do ..." constantly.

So those are all well and good, but I'm in a nostalgic mood. So this list is going to be things that I'm glad I completed in life...

Things that I've done in this life...
- had a pet dog
- played soccer in college
- won a Star Award for volunteering when I was in my 20s
- got my Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do
- started acupuncture school
- fell in love
- got my heart broken
- got myself out of bad relationships
- got married
- traveled to France
- learned to speak French
- ate sushi
- graduated college
- gave a speech in front of a large group of people
- ran in a race
- got certified and went scuba diving
- went bungee jumping
- saw the Rolling Stones in concert
- tried snowboarding
- experimented with drugs
- went streaking
- sowed my wild oats
- washed an elephant
- took piano and trumpet lessons
- got Lasik
- saw Mount Rushmore
- saw the Grand Canyon
- went to the top of the Eiffel Tower
- took dance lessons
- threw a party with a photo booth
- became a massage therapist
- lived abroad
- stayed in touch with a lot of my friends
- went on a blind date
- got drunk at a college party
- ate gelato in Italy
- went to Orson Scott Card's writing seminar
- went to Vegas
- was named captain/MVP of my high school soccer team
- sunbathed nude
- went to Walt Disney World
- had a foreign boyfriend
- had a tongue ring
- got a tattoo
- went on a volunteer mission trip to help people less fortunate than myself
- lived by myself

I've had a fun life.

a pic a day

My new goal is to take a picture every single day. At least one. And with that I will update my blog. The trick of course is to actually download those pics so I can use them in this blog. Maybe tomorrow. Right now I am busy procrastinating from cleaning up the mess in my backroom. My closet exploded.

And I should be studying herbology. Sweet baby Jesus, this herbology class is going to be the death of me. Last semester herbs made my life miserable and we only had to learn about four herbs a week. This semester we are up to learning 12 a week.

One of the herbs for this week is Zi Su Ye which is traditionally served on the plate when they give you sushi. Some people think it is just for garnish, but actually it is quite tasty and as an added bonus one of its functions is to treat food poisoning- especially food poisoning from seafood! How fun is that? Herbs is actually one of the most fascinating classes out there- but remembering all the details is just really hard.

 
Zi Su Ye

Of course, I keep complaining and I keep passing all my classes. And just think how much I'll know in four years!

brian h.

This is one of those posts that I am writing for myself so that someday in the future I look back on it and remember to be a good person.

I have met many incredible people since I have started grad school. One of whom was Brian H. who was in my "cohort" when I started. Brian was young, maybe 26? And he had survived cancer. Prostate, I believe. And what was awesome about Brian is that he not only survived cancer, but he thrived. He didn't just listen to what the Western doctors told him to do. He researched and tried to heal himself as naturally as possible, including acupuncture and better diets. And he did really well. In fact his Western doctors often mentioned how they had never seen anyone deal with the chemo without getting sick before. But he did. Because he was really taking care of himself.

Well, Brian decided to drop out of our program because he was more interested in the foods and nutrition aspect of it, not so much in the acupuncture and he wanted a school that was more based on that.

Brian also ate at Chipotle a lot. Not that has anything to do with anything, I just knew he really liked it. So when he told us he was leaving the program I got him a Chipotle gift card and wrote him a little note that basically said that I was sad he was leaving the program but glad he figured out what was right for him and wished him the best of luck. And then I held on to it for a while. Because, well, I didn't know him that well. And, would it seem weird? I didn't want to be some creepy weird girl.

But then I decided screw it, and our friend Jenny was going to see him over our break and I gave her the card to give to him.

And I didn't think much more of it.

And then a few weeks later Brian popped into our classroom because he was in the neighborhood and he snuck up behind me and gave me a big hug and told me how happy my card had made him.

And that is my last memory of Brian. Because he passed away yesterday. His cancer came back. And he had a heart attack. And now he is gone. And that sucks.

It really sucks. Nothing is going to stop that from sucking. But do you know what would suck even worse? If I HADN'T given him that card. I would be regretting that so much right now.

So, Nikki Becker, my future self, I am speaking to you. If you EVER have the chance to do good in this world, to make people happy, to show people that you love them... you take it. Because it is worth possibly looking like an idiot or a weirdo and you might not get that chance again.

match.com revisited

Wanna hear something funny?

So back in the day I was on Match.com (what was that back in 2008 or 2009 or something?) and I wasn't planning on actually putting a profile up but was working on my profile and accidentally made it public and this guy responded- he was new in town and we ended up hanging out a couple of times just as friends.

And then of course in 2010 I put the profile up for real and I met Mike and the rest is history.

Here is what my profile looked like...

Nikki’s Match.com profile

About her and who she’s looking for:

I like to skydive nude.

Okay, not really. I’ve never been skydiving. Let alone naked. I went bungee jumping once but that was fully clothed. Admit it though, that first sentence got your attention. After a while these profiles can all start to sound the same.

I was reading through some of them and saw that people actually wrote “sarcasm” as a turn off! Really? I thought about putting it down as one of the languages I am fluent in.

Reading through the profiles also gave me a clearer picture of what I am looking for. For example, I tend to avoid profiles that are bitter sounding, i.e. “I’m sick and tired of games.” Or the ones that exaggerate their good qualities. You claim to be funny and clever and yet you don’t write a single funny or clever thing in your profile? Hmmm?

Yet as I sit here I realize how hard it is to come up with something clever or funny to write here. Maybe I am being a little too hard on those guys. How do you convey how totally awesome you are without sounding cocky and then explain, why, if you are so awesome, you are still single? 

Random? Yes, but a lot better than most of the profiles out there. Seriously, 95% of all the profiles say exactly the same thing.

Anywho, my friend is now on OKCupid and one of her "potential matches" that she gets sent daily had a profile that she just had to show me...

She said, "Oh my god, he put that he skydives naked as his first line too! What are the odds?!?"

Um, the odds are pretty good... considering that he is that guy that I hung out with back in 2009! The bastard stole my profile!!!

not a lot going on

Hello my lovelies,

Do you know what is a great feeling? When you have to enter a random password that you haven't entered in months and you get it right on the first try! Go me!

I think I've been waiting to update this blog until I had more exciting news to share. But since that might never happen I might as well write something!

My life is overwhelmed by school. I'm still constantly surprised at how difficult it is. Not impossible- it just takes so much more time and effort than I expect. But there was a funny moment the other day when only about half of us showed up for our Anatomy class and the teacher, Dr. Downie, made a comment about half the class being missing and I replied that "the good half is here" and Jenny modified that to "the BEST half is here." And our teacher goes, "That's true." And we all stared at him with dropped jaws. "You can't say that!"we said to him. He just shrugged and said, "Well, it's true."

It's fun being an adult learner rather than a normal student. It's also fun being in grad school because people have to really seriously want to be there. And they are all really smart.

I think my teacher thinks I am smarter than I actually am. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

And now to completely change the subject. Do you know what thought I had yesterday?

Four years ago I didn't even know that Mike existed.

And now he is a huge, main, central, integral part of my existence and day-to-day life.

And four years ago he wasn't even a glimmer on my radar. I'd never met him. I'd never heard of him. Nothing.

Makes me wonder what life could be like in five years. I mean, anything could happen. Five years ago I would have said that "in five years I would like to be married." And now I am. But my life is still nothing like I expected. And that's kind of fun.

So what do I want my life to be like in five years???
- have kids
- have a dog
- have a house in the country in Michigan
- be done with acupuncture school
- grow my own herbs/ veggies/ flowers
- have started learning sign language
- have visited China

Is it bad that is all I am coming up with? As for the rest of it, I'll just enjoy seeing what happens.