problems

Okay, the quote that I was looking for that led to the last post was the one about how "If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back."

I think it is really true. Why is that? Are we just used to our problems and know that we can handle them (because we HAVE been handling them) and therefore they are less scary than someone else's problems?

Who is to say which problem is the worst? Is having an abusive husband worse than having extreme agoraphobia? I mean, I wouldn't want either, but having never experienced either, I can't say which is worse.

I don't think they can be compared. Which is good. Because it isn't a competition. Sometimes it seems like it is. You hear one person say something crappy that happened to them and the other person tries to top it.

Are we trying to be empathetic? Letting them know that they are not alone in having problems? Are we just sharing our problems to get the sympathy because we feel that will help us?

All I know is that no alien race will ever be able to understand humans, because humans don't even understand ourselves.

I'm just in this weird state of mind lately where I feel like I don't have any problems.

Don't get me wrong, bad stuff still happens, but I can easily deal with it and thus it doesn't feel like a problem. And it isn't that I don't care. I do. I care a lot.

So I was sitting here thinking about what "problems" I have...

- I have debt

- I have an unreliable income based on commissions so on days like today when I have no clients, I don't make any money, which makes it hard to budget and pay off bills

- my mom is not in great health, though she is currently cancer free so I'm not complaining

- Mike's mom is not in great health, she had surgery yesterday but it went well so I am not complaining

- I watch my friends and family struggle with things/jobs/people that make them unhappy, but for the most part, that is their struggle, their life, their thing that THEY need to do something about, not me- and I know it will all work out

- I get cold sores on my upper lip- total pain in the butt, however it is mostly manageable

- I get frustrated that I can't turn the stories in my head into wonderful stories on the page

- I don't always like my boobs and my body- but a lot of times I do

- I'm not very good at sticking to a diet and then I get mad at myself

- I can't afford amazing vacations, a car, cable, a dog or a nice apartment... but those are all sort of extra things that would be nice, not necessary things to make me happy

- I don't have a good singing voice, which doesn't really deserve to be on this list, but it is the one thing I would magically change about myself

But other than that, I totally am loving my life. All those things are easily made up by these things....

My anti-problems:

-my small, little apartment feels safe and "like home."

- I absolutely adore my fiance and he treats me really well

- I have a job that I love

- I have friends that I love

- I love my family and they are super supportive

- I love Mike's family and they get along well with mine

- I'm smart

- I'm athletic

- I'm attractive

- I have the world's best chef as a fiance

- I'm self confident

- books--- they make everything better! And I'm a good reader

- I no longer have depression

- I'm able to pay my bills on time and have a roof over my head and food on the table and everything is copacetic

- I'm good at finding things to laugh and smile about every single day

So, there you have it. I'm sure some more real problems will crop up again in the future. So thank you, Universe, for this little reprieve.

50 life lessons

I was searching for a specific quote today and my googling brought up this list, which I liked and always find to be a good reminder:

50 Lessons Life Taught Me

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s not OK to get angry with God even if He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is—–about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never—–blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
20. It is never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare and then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this—–matter?”
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in—–touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or—–didn’t do.
35. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative – dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

Routine

So I am reading my family bookclub book called "The Art of Fielding" which is about baseball which means that I am NOT in love with the book but he does have a way of stringing words together, I'll give him that. Some really lovely sentences and ideas.

There's also a lot of gay sex. Thankfully my grandma (who is also in my bookclub) decided that she didn't like the book and wasn't going to read it, way before she got to that part. Not sure how well she would have done with that.

Anyways, there is a scene between these two guys who get together and have sex in the afternoon and then one of them goes into the kitchen and makes coffee and brings it out in the same two mugs every time...

The routine became entrenched: After they did whatever they did that day, Owen would go out into the hallway and return eight minutes later, always bearing the same two steaming mugs from the particleboard shelf above the coffeemaker: KISS ME I'M IRISH for himself, IF MOMMA AIN'T HAPPY for Affenlight. They sippsed their coffee and smoked a cigarette, chatted, read Chekhov together, passing the book back and forth once Owen's headaches subsided. The kitschy mugs had been culled, over the years, from Mrs. McCallister's home kitchen cupboards. It might have sounded silly, but Affenlight loved the way Owen always picked these same two mugs and even, presumably, went so far as to rinse them in the sink when they were dirty. Such consistency suggested, or seemed to suggest, that Owen found their afternoons worth repeating, even down to the smallest detail. This was the dreamy, paradisiacal side of domestic ritual: when all the days were possessed of the same minutiae precisely because you wanted them to be.

I just love that. You always hear about people being "stuck in a routine." But you don't always hear about the flip side- which is that something can become a routine because it is perfect and exactly what you WANT to do every day.

Makes you think about the word "routine" in a different way. :)

twenty-five things about me

A few years back there was a fad that started on Facebook where people would make and share a list of twenty-five fun facts about themselves. I miss that. So here we go again...

1) I'm not a fan of diamond rings. Mike gave me a cute little claddagh ring as a placeholder until I find the ring that I want but I may just keep this always.

2) I've been dreaming about/planning my wedding since I was a little girl. And it is going to be NOTHING like I thought it would. I always swore that I would NOT get married outside (too chancy) but now I am. Of course, I always swore that I would not marry a redhead either. Mainly what I've learned is that it's a good idea to not make sweeping declarations! :)

3) I'm crazy good at Words with Friends. My friend Sara and I like to make it more interesting by playing dirty words with friends. If the word isn't obviously dirty on its own, you have to put it into a sentence that makes it dirty.

4) One of the best things I have ever done was get Lasik surgery for my eyes. I still feel like I have a super power because I can see so clearly.

5) I have learned to like beer in the last year or two. Which is good since I am marrying a brewer. One of my favorite beers is Guinness.

6) My sister and I tried to learn all the countries and capitals in the world. I don't know all of them but I know over 150 of them! The country of Nauru doesn't have a capital.

7) My least favorite foods are grapefruit, olives, anise, ginger, hard boiled eggs, canned tuna and white fish.

8) I still sometimes dream in French.

9) I get super sleepy in moving vehicles. When I take car trips by myself I need to schedule nap breaks.

10) Mike and I play Yahtzee at least twice a week. We are fairly evenly matched but I like to hang it over his head that I hold the high score of 640.

11) I don't cook. Pretty much ever. Sometimes I bake. But not often since I am trying to eat less sweets.

12) My favorite actor is Stanley Tucci.

13) I'm obsessed with the Muppets. My favorite characters are Waldorf and Statler- the grumpy critics. I got two of the exact same birthday card this year because both Mike and Jake saw it (it had Waldorf and Statler on it) and thought that it would be perfect for me.

14) I own a Kindle but have never read a single book on it. It sounds like such a great idea in theory but I just love the feel of books.

15) I sneeze whenever I go from a dark place to a really sunny place.

16) I play in a rec volleyball league and I am the youngest person on my team. Some of my teammates are in their 60s! And we still usually win first place!

17) I'm happier now than I've ever been in my entire life.

18) I had my first kiss when I was 11 years old- playing Spin the Bottle.

19) When I was little I wanted to be an archeologist.

20) My best feature is my smile. I get complimented on it all the time- despite the fact that I have a huge gap in between my front teeth. I can blow bubbles through that gap.

21) I'm a Mac person.

22) The weirdest thing I have ever eaten was a chicken heart and I have no desire to ever eat it again. Kinds of makes me nauseous just thinking about it.

23) I love the smell of spring... the world coming alive again.

24) I'm terrified of ladders. Mentally I don't think I am, but physically every time I try to go up on one my body just panics and starts shutting down.

25) My favorite song when I was growing up was Puttin' on the Ritz by Taco.