hey buddy, you got change?

I don't usually write posts in the middle of the afternoon on a Saturday, that's because I am usually at work. Not today. Today I am curled up in my bed trying not to die. Actually, I feel fine, except for one small thing... every time I move the world starts spinning. So as long as I am staying relatively still I am fine. I'm guessing I have some inflammation of the inner ear going on. It started when I woke up this morning to use the bathroom at 4:45. I stumbled into the bathroom. I had just woken up from a dream that I was back at Carleton about to start my junior year. In the dream Jamie and I were joking about how we didn't have much time left at college which in the dream seemed so funny to us because we still had two whole years left. Two years in terms of college time seemed like forever. I woke up from the dream so sad. I wish I could redo my entire senior year. What a waste.

Anyways, so I woke up, stumbled into the bathroom, nearly missed the toilet and had to grab onto the wall to stop myself from falling into the shower. "Whoa!" I thought to myself, "how much did I have to drink last night?" I thought about it and realized I had nothing to drink the night before. There was no reason for the world to be spinning like this.

I finally managed to make it back to sleep and had a dream that Carol Burnett was my shrink. That has nothing to do with this story other than that it was really funny.

So here I am, hours later, having successfully wasted most of the day but starting to get very bored. Still have a bit of a fever and am trying to entertain myself without moving.

During my many hours of laying pathetically in my bed today I thought about a question that a friend had recently asked me. Would I be willing to get back together with my ex-boyfriend if he changed for me? Would I want him to?

That's a tough question. I've only ever had one boyfriend who tried to change me (Brian) and I really resented him for it. Yet, I think there are times when people can change and want to change and just need to be given the opportunity to change or need to be given a nudge.

I have made changes for boyfriends in the past and they were positive changes that either I didn't realize I needed to make until they showed me or that I needed help with changing. I've gotten better with money, better with communicating, and I've dropped some of my more annoying habits. Change can be good. Other people can help us become better/improve ourselves.

But to change FOR somebody? I think it has to be a change that you WANT to happen in your life. If you change just to make somebody happy then you will end up resenting them.

You want somebody to love your for who you are, faults and all. So you should be willing to love somebody else for who they are, faults and all. If you need them to change for you to love them, maybe that's not really love.

On the other hand, I believe you can love somebody and just not be compatible with them. Does that diminish that love?

I guess my answer is no. I don't want my ex to change for me. People need to make changes for themselves. If those changes just so happen to make them into people that I would get along better with, well who knows...