a fleeting thought

I've been thinking about something lately. Do you know what we really appreciate? We appreciate the things that we know aren't going to last. That bowl of ice cream? Delicious. But it we had sixty gallons of ice cream in the freezer that we had to get through? Ugh. Tummy ache just thinking about it. 

What about summer? The warmth. The carefree days. (Who has ever heard of the carefree days of winter? No one.) Why do we love summer? Well, because it rocks, obviously. But also because we know that it won't be here forever. Blink your eyes and suddenly it is fall, with winter nipping closely at its heels. 

Childhood. It comes and goes so quickly. That's what makes it so special. If your child was going to be a two year old forever? Living hell. But knowing that soon they will be going off to preschool? Cherish these moments! 

When someone you know unexpectedly dies it can make you appreciate life. You realize just how short life can be and you take full advantage of it. But usually we forget that. We see our lives stretching out before us interminably. And so, since there is always tomorrow where we can change and improve things, we make do with what we have today. But all those tomorrows suddenly become yesterdays and before you know it, years have passed and you are still going to that job you hate or are putting off your dreams. 

So again, I am going back to this theory that we appreciate things that we know won't last. 

But what about relationships? And this could really apply to any relationship: significant others, friends, parent/child.

What if you were told that you only had two years to be with someone and that you should just make the most of it, enjoy it as much as you can, celebrate each other? It's an interesting idea. I think it would be easier to overlook the little, annoying things that a person does when you know that you won't have to put up with it forever. My habit of saying "Yo," at the end of a sentence goes from being annoying, to quirky and endearing when you know you'll never hear it again two months from now. 

I'd venture to say that in some ways you would probably be happier in a relationship that you knew would only last two years. You wouldn't feel the need to change each other. You wouldn't nit-pick as much. 

I don't know if it would work though. I think most people would say, "Why bother? What's the point?" Why would you put all that work and effort into getting to know someone, to love someone, if it is just going to end? 

Yet do you not enjoy summer because you know winter is coming? Or is it sweeter? 

Obviously we love people and enjoy our time with them. That's true. But looking back, the time you had with a loved one seems so much sweeter after they have died or, less morbidly, the relationship is over.  

So why doesn't the whole "two year long relationship and then it's over" idea work? Why hasn't that become the ideal relationship cycle for our society?

I guess it's the idea that you are building a life together. Sure you can love someone for a limited time, but after those two years, where are you? Sure you have grown as a person but in terms of your life, you are back to square one. 

We (and I can make these random generalizations because it's my blog. So sue me.) are looking for someone to share the rest of our lives with. We want a permanent relationship. But does having a relationship that lasts a really long time make you appreciate it less?

My parents are celebrating their 45th wedding anniversary this year. Has some of the spark and sizzle gone out of their relationship? Has it been replaced with routine and comfort? Would their relationship have been dearer to them if it had only lasted two years? 

I would say no, because with that long term relationship comes something that you don't get with a two year relationship. There is love and trust, a lifetime of shared memories, there is growing together. And when that is gone it will be even more missed than a quick little two year relationship and will seem even sweeter. 

But that brings me full circle to my original point though- as you relax into the comfort of these long term relationships- you see them continuing forever and so you don't appreciate them (at the time) as much as you should. You don't cherish them as much as you should. 

So I don't think the answer is to actually have two year relationships that then end. I think the answer is to have long term relationships but treat them like the precious things they are. Remember that that person is a prize who can be taken away from you at a moment's notice and treat them as such. 

Wow, that's a whole lot of rambling for one night. I would erase it but that's against the rules. I could have just as easily summed it up by saying, "Life is short. Appreciate what you've got."

Now go tell someone that you love them.