I hate being shy. But I am. Painfully shy.
Some people may not even realize how shy I am. They probably just think I'm a snotty bitch who refuses to talk to them. And once I've known someone for a while, I am no longer shy around them so it is easy for them to forget how shy I am.
I've tried to overcome it. And I've definitely improved over the years. I force myself to leave my comfort zone and talk to people. I'm okay in one-on-one situations so I do fine at work. I am actually really good when I am around other shy people. But there are still some situations where it is hopeless. Like yesterday. I went to a party with a group of people who all know each other really, really well. But I don't know them that well. In fact, I hadn't seen most of them since high school.
It was all I could do to not run into a corner and hide. Thankfully they had some "anti-shy juice" at the party. Otherwise known as beer. And eventually I relaxed and was talking to people more.
I just wonder why it is that I get so shy. I think it is definitely part of how I was raised. I have shy, quiet, anti-social parents so I think that rubbed off on me some. But I just don't see myself as the typical wall flower. I don't have low self-esteem. It isn't that I don't have anything interesting to contribute. I have funny stories. But I would rather whisper my stories to my best friend and have her tell them than put myself in the spot light. I wonder if that is why most of my really good friends are such extroverts? Having them be the center of attention takes the attention away from me and that is just the way I like it!
I get so jealous when I see people, like my friend Jake, who can just talk to anybody. I thought that my shyness was something that I would outgrow in time. And I had really been doing so much better lately. I'm frustrated with myself. Oh well, there are worse afflictions to be had than just being shy. But sometimes I think it's a miracle that I have ever made any friends at all! :) Do you remember the first time I met you? Do you remember me being super shy?
That's the crazy thing - I am shocked every time you tell me you are shy (it makes me feel like I don't know you very well because we talk so much on paper). First time we met you weren't shy either.
ReplyDeleteI think I need to look up the word again!
Of course I remember, and yes, you were shy. Just giggled at my stupid jokes when no one else would. Do you still wear the zipper on your necklace? Or the turtle?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I applaud you for going outside of your comfort zone. That's awesome.
I had totally forgotten about the turtle necklace- symbolizing me coming out of my shell!
ReplyDeleteAnd sadly, no, I no longer have my lucky zipper. I left it at TaeKwonDo overnight and they threw it out- not recognizing it for the fine piece of jewelry that it was!