over-sharing

I had a horrible nightmare the other night, that I had written something completely personal and inappropriate and shared it on facebook. 

I know some people do that, but it is so not me. 

I actually let very few people in to my life. I probably SHOULD write super personal things on facebook. It would be good for me. Get me to share and open up. 

I was thinking about that today at school. I like my classmates. I talk to my classmates. But I only have one classmate that I am truly myself with, that I am willing to be vulnerable with. 

Fuck it. What's the worst that could happen if I let myself be vulnerable?

I could get hurt. That's what could happen. 

The best things in my life have come from being vulnerable- but the worst pain has come from being vulnerable too. I'm especially thinking of dear friends that I had who I never even speak to anymore- that's their doing, not mine. And it hurts. I'm sure they have their reasons, but it hurts. 

So I'm bitter at the world today. And I'm tired. And if we are being honest, I'm a tiny bit tipsy.                

I have a teacher that intimidates the fuck out of me. Speaks like seven languages and is crazy smart. And a thought occurred to me the other day, about how she goes home alone to a lonely apartment, and it probably isn't at all the life she had dreamed for herself. She is brilliant and accomplished but she has had disappointments in life too. Crazy how we are all just human when you get down to it. 

This has been a really hard year for me and I know my problems are nothing compared to some of my friends'. But I'm frustrated and feel alone. 

And I'm throwing myself a pity party. 

I know I could reach out to my friends and then I wouldn't feel so alone. But then I wonder why it has to be me that reaches out? Why does nobody ever think to reach out to me?

It makes me sad. 

But that's life, eh?

So I'll just suck it up and tomorrow will be better. 

In the meantime I will post some photos...

This is me and my sister when we washed an elephant.

God, that was YEARS ago, but it was still one of the coolest things I have ever done. 

This is more recently at Millenium Park in Chicago. 

I love the fountains there.

And I love the little girl in the wheelchair that was playing like all the other children and having a wonderful time. 

Seriously, how can I bitch and moan when I have it so good???

This was me studying for my finals at the end of last semester.

That was just the beginning.

The room got a WHOLE lot messier!

I finally went to the Mars Cheese Castle that is just across the border in Wisconsin. It has been on my To-Do List for YEARS and it finally happened. 

My husband is pretty adorable.

And we have lovely picnics, so that's something. 

Also we go to the beach/dunes in Michigan which is my happy place. 

The funniest part about going to the dunes/beach in Michigan is that they have a children's play area but all they have in the play area is a SAND box... at the BEACH!!!!

This is Squish, our hedgehog. He is a bad influence on me and makes me drink fancy beers.

Despite what you may be thinking, this photo is not posed. 

Mike took a photo of me enjoying my nap the other day.

It really was a heavenly nap.

Anyways, that's enough for one day.

Tempted to delete this whole post, but since nobody reads it anyways I will go ahead and leave it.