brian h.

This is one of those posts that I am writing for myself so that someday in the future I look back on it and remember to be a good person.

I have met many incredible people since I have started grad school. One of whom was Brian H. who was in my "cohort" when I started. Brian was young, maybe 26? And he had survived cancer. Prostate, I believe. And what was awesome about Brian is that he not only survived cancer, but he thrived. He didn't just listen to what the Western doctors told him to do. He researched and tried to heal himself as naturally as possible, including acupuncture and better diets. And he did really well. In fact his Western doctors often mentioned how they had never seen anyone deal with the chemo without getting sick before. But he did. Because he was really taking care of himself.

Well, Brian decided to drop out of our program because he was more interested in the foods and nutrition aspect of it, not so much in the acupuncture and he wanted a school that was more based on that.

Brian also ate at Chipotle a lot. Not that has anything to do with anything, I just knew he really liked it. So when he told us he was leaving the program I got him a Chipotle gift card and wrote him a little note that basically said that I was sad he was leaving the program but glad he figured out what was right for him and wished him the best of luck. And then I held on to it for a while. Because, well, I didn't know him that well. And, would it seem weird? I didn't want to be some creepy weird girl.

But then I decided screw it, and our friend Jenny was going to see him over our break and I gave her the card to give to him.

And I didn't think much more of it.

And then a few weeks later Brian popped into our classroom because he was in the neighborhood and he snuck up behind me and gave me a big hug and told me how happy my card had made him.

And that is my last memory of Brian. Because he passed away yesterday. His cancer came back. And he had a heart attack. And now he is gone. And that sucks.

It really sucks. Nothing is going to stop that from sucking. But do you know what would suck even worse? If I HADN'T given him that card. I would be regretting that so much right now.

So, Nikki Becker, my future self, I am speaking to you. If you EVER have the chance to do good in this world, to make people happy, to show people that you love them... you take it. Because it is worth possibly looking like an idiot or a weirdo and you might not get that chance again.