the motion of the ocean

Is there anything more calming than sitting next to a big body of water with waves rolling in?



(There is nothing exciting on this video, it is just really sort of relaxing and pretty and calming. I could have it going as background video at all times.)

As people on the coasts will tell you, nothing is as great as the ocean. And I have to agree. But Lake Michigan, especially when the waters are churning, is a close second. And a LOT closer to home, so I'll take it!

The lake has always been a really special place for me. When I was a little girl my mom used to take me and my brother Mike (and occasionally my other brother Ryan, i.e. Mike's best friend that I saw more of than his own family did) down to the beach. I think I am one of the few people that the lifeguards at the beach ever forced to have a "time out." Oops. Apparently pelting little old ladies with wet clumps of sand is forbidden. Who knew?! :)

In high school I would go down to the beach with friends to play sand volleyball.

Right after college I worked a block away from the lake at a horrible job and I would escape down there on my lunch break to regroup and restore my sanity.

Later I became obsessed with the lakefront bike path and would spend hours rollerblading along it... occasionally going all the way up to my job in Evanston.

And when I had my evil boyfriend that is where I used to go to cry my eyes out. Walking along, seeing how pretty it was, telling myself to stop and notice how pretty it was and being so miserable that all I could do was cry.

I was thinking about that this week. Because I was sitting at the lake and was just so happy that it made a tear come to my eye. And so I recalled all the other, much different, tears that I have shed at the lake.

I am in such a different place now.

It's hard to imagine being as miserable as I was. Being on the emotional roller coaster that I was on. And again, all I can say is "Thank you!" to my friends for putting up with me during that time! I mean, I know it's always fun to have a sort of crazy friend who makes you feel better because your life is going a lot better than hers. So I'm glad I could fill that place for you back then. But you guys put up with a lot of drama from me that year. And though I still blame all of you for not giving me a sound talking to and just snapping me out of it... I do love you all for being there for me... again... and again... and again!

A large part of me wants to forget those times. Pretend that they never even happened.

But sometimes we need rough times like that to make us appreciate the good. Too much sunlight can make us blinded. Sometimes we need shadows as well.

Though, I'll tell ya, I am liking being in the sunshine a lot better.

I'm not the girl I used to be.

Part of me looks at this blog and says "A year with nikki? Not much has happened in this year!" Until you look back at that person that I was. I feel like I have done a lifetime of growing in the past three years. And each days brings me closer to being the person that I want to be.

So maybe I am still in the same job and haven't published a book yet. Maybe that didn't happen this year. But I've learned to be happy with still being in my job and happy despite the fact that I haven't published a book yet.

I think one of the biggest lessons you will ever learn in life (and especially in terms of happiness) is that it is not always about changing the world. It is about changing how you perceive the world.

Love. Happiness. Change. It all comes from within.

And 10 times out 10, I would choose to be who I am now even if I haven't quite done everything that I've wanted to do, rather than be who I was six years ago but with all the accomplishments in the world.

I'm a f*cking work in progress, I tell ya.

Why does every single solitary post I write end up talking about change and progress and blah, blah, blah?!?

I do REALIZE how annoying that is. I'll work on it, I promise. Don't worry, I'm still riding the el daily... I'm sure I'll have more stories from there soon! This past week has been strangely (blessedly!) uneventful!