From what I've seen, two seems to be the magic number. Several of my friends and family already have two kids and have decided that they are done. They only want two kids?! When my best friend, for example, told me that she and her husband didn't plan on having any more kids, I was surprised. I'm not sure why I was surprised, I never pictured them with a brood of eight or anything. I guess part of me always envisioned having kids at the same time as my friends or as my siblings. Seeing our children grow up together. Throwing joint birthday parties for them. Vacations together at the lake. All that crap. So to hear that my friends are done having kids when I haven't even started sort of took me by surprise. Part of me is sad, obviously. Part of me is jealous that they have kids and I don't. But mainly I think it is cool that my kids will have older kids to look up to. And I do take some pleasure in knowing that I have lived a really fun life that I couldn't have lived if I already had kids, plus I can still experience all that. I still have so much to look forward to. Meeting the love of my life. Getting married. Getting pregnant. Having children. Hearing their first word. Seeing their first steps. That is all still ahead of me. Which is pretty cool.
But back to the numbers issue. Why only two kids? There are obviously factors that go into this decision. A major one is definitely money. Kids are expensive. College tuitions are ridiculous (I don't even want to think about what they will be 25 years from now!) Most people (unless you are the Octo-Mom) want to make sure that they can afford to raise their children and to do so in a manner that lets them continue to live comfortably. Is it fair to bring children into this world if you can't afford to give them health care and food and shelter? I think almost everyone would agree that you shouldn't have kids if you couldn't afford that stuff. But what if you can cover that stuff but can't afford new soccer cleats and tuba lessons and books? These things aren't necessities, so how important are they?
Another factor to consider is overpopulation. I don't think you could ever tell people that they can't have children. There is just something built into our genes that makes us want to procreate. But should we do something like China where we limit the amount of children that a couple is allowed to have to just one or two? This policy does make sense. According to Wikipedia (I know, such a trustworthy source) "Chinese authorities thus consider the policy as a great success in helping to implement China's current economic growth. The reduction in the fertility rate and thus population growth has reduced the severity of problems that come with overpopulation, like epidemics, slums, overwhelmed social services (such as health, education, law enforcement), and strain on the ecosystem from abuse of fertile land and production of high volumes of waste."
I can not ever imagine them passing such a policy in the United States. However, is it our duty as intelligent, socially and environmentally conscious people to take it upon ourselves to limit the number of children we have to do our part to stop overpopulation?
What about making the number of children you are allowed to have be based on merit? I'm not saying I agree with this, I'm just throwing it out there. Should super intelligent or super talented people be allowed to have more children to help improve the gene pool?
I think a subconscious factor is what we grew up with. I have often noticed that people who grew up in a family with two kids think that having two kids is the right number. Whereas, people who grew up in a family with three kids often think three is a good number. Maybe this isn't true, but I grew up in a family of six kids and I think six sounds like a pretty good number. I love being part of a huge family and want my kids to be able to experience that.
Am I going to have six kids? Probably not, for the above stated reasons. So how many? I would never want to have an only child (though I do know a few who turned out alright! :) ) Two kids would be okay, but a lot of children that I have seen who only have one sibling (especially if it is a sibling of the same sex) tend to be overly competitive with their sibling. Three seems like a pretty good number. You have to take into consideration that you are going to mess up a lot with the first one, seeing as how you've never had a kid before. The second one gets easier (unless it is Ella!) and then you have got it down and can really enjoy it when you have the third. Ah, it's fun to just make random statements like that. Check back in with me again once I actually have kids and see if my tune has changed!
These are some of the factors that will influence my decision to have kids. I am curious though, what other factors have influenced your decisions? Please do tell.
Good topic! Close to my heart, obviously. Chuck and I think we'll stick to two. Reasons include but aren't limited to: we both came from small families so we're used to it, I hate being pregnant, our house and finances seem to suit two kids more than three or four, and....well I guess that's mostly it. Chuck really feels strongly about the financial aspects - he wants to be able to provide a comfortable life for our family and doesn't want a lack of money to hurt that.
ReplyDeleteI had two things in my head when we were deciding:
1) I remember vicious fights with my cousins (who I'm now super close with) because one of us was always left out. Three seems hard that way. And I wasn't willing to go for four to even it out!
2) I remember one of my friends had 3 siblings, all of whom had a ton of activities they wanted to do. I remember at the soccer games one parent would be there for a half, then leave to go to another kid's activity, and one of the kids was always left with no one there. That made me sad. So this way, Chuck and I know that (at least in theory) one or both of us can be there at all times.