one year

Well, I've been doing this whole blogging thing for a year. A year with Nikki. My mission statement was that you can change your life and get the life you want. You just have to have the guts.

I still firmly believe that.

However, it has been a year and I definitely don't have the life that I want. Not even close.

No husband. No babies. No money.

Though, really, if I wanted, I COULD have had that. But it would have gone against what my heart was telling me to do.

Do I still want those things?

Yes.

Would I probably be happier if I had them?

Yes. But only if I got them in the way I wanted. Getting them just to say I have them doesn't really count. Sure, I could get knocked up and force a guy to marry me. But that's not really what I mean when I say that I want to have a husband and a baby.

I was talking to a friend of mine who is married. I asked her if she was happy she was married and glad that she did it. She said that she was. She loves being married to her husband. It's even better than she thought it would be. But then she added something. She said that she loves being married because she found the right guy. She would rather not be married and just be alone than be with the wrong guy.

So what have I learned in a year?

Not a whole lot.

Okay, that's not true. But if I am sitting here in the kitchen of this house writing this blog again a year from now, I might just fall into a pit of despair that I never crawl back out of.

A tad bit drastic? Maybe.

But it's true. Life is way too precious to be living it the way I have been.

Let's do this thing.