grad school

Well, I did it. I got in to grad school and start on Tuesday. I have orientation tonight where I will meet my fellow students. Who knows, maybe I will meet some bosom friends?

My parents are happy because they like the idea of me being in legit school and getting my masters.

I am happy because I get to learn about Chinese medicine which appeals to the spiritual side of me.

What I love about Chinese medicine is that it makes energy work more tangible/physical. There are specific indicators that you can look at- like the tongue or the pulse or someone's finger nails that help you diagnose what is going on in the body.

I'm not knocking Western medicine and for an acute problem I would recommend everyone going to their doctor. You break your arm and you are not going to go see an acupuncturist.

Where I think Western medicine fails is in the preventative stage. Also in the idea of what being well and healthy is. Being healthy isn't simply not being sick. That's just the middle ground. Chinese medicine can help people feel great.

Anyways, I'll be able to tell you a lot more in a few years. But I wanted to write a blog post today because I'm about to set out on a big adventure and it'll be interesting to look back when I am done and see where I was.

So where am I? Living in Chicago in a tiny apartment. Which, to be fair, is huge by New York or Paris standards! And would be plenty big enough if I didn't have so much crap. No children, no pets, but one hell of an awesome husband. Still working at 1000 Waves and really enjoying that. A bit overweight but generally healthy. Trying to give up processed sugar and soda pop- and while it is not completely gone from my diet, it is getting much better.

So where do I hope to be in five years... in a house, with mike who has his brewery/restaurant thriving, with a kid or two and a dog or two and my own space to do massage/acupuncture and qi gong. I also want to see my sister married, my brother have a job he loves, my friends have significant others that they love and enough money that I don't have to feel super stressed out.

just do it

I'm a planner. I like to plan and scheme and dream. I do actually DO things as well. But I tend to hang out in the planning stage for a long time. Don't really rush into things. Not major life decisions anyways. Or do I?

I guess sometimes I just go with my gut. And it leads me to wonderful places.

And now my gut is telling me that I should go to acupuncture school and learn about Chinese medicine.

I'll admit that it's been in the back of my mind for years. But way back on a back burner. Yesterday was the first time that I started talking about wanting to actually do it. My mom told me that I should do it right now. Don't wait. My husband said HELL YES! (but that's just because he likes being my guinea pig!)

And so tomorrow I'm meeting with the admissions officer. And I've already hit a couple of people up for letters of reference.

And it is scary and exciting and new. And I'm loving that. I'm loving getting out of my comfort zone.

Break me wide open so the world can pour in

Holy emotional turbulence, Batman! What a day.

But before I get to that... doesn't it seem weird that we can have so much affection for things like the moon? But I really do love the moon.

Yesterday in shiatsu class we worked our Gallbladder and Liver meridians. To start the class we did a few stretches, a meditation and then a couple of qi gong exercises. And the exercises helped my jaw to finally release. My jaw has been "stuck" for months. Not terribly painful or anything, but somewhat uncomfortable. Like a bone/knuckle that needs to crack that you can't get to go. Or like needing to sneeze and it just won't come.

Well it finally released. And when you've been holding on to something for MONTHS and finally let it go, it's huge. It felt great. But the release of so much tension is overwhelming. So I felt a bit weepy. In a good way, but weepy still.

And then following class I had my free shiatsu session with Steve, the founder/ owner of my school.

Which starts by doing a client intake interview which is a lot of VERY personal questions. And I was weepy to begin with. And they were things that are not easy to talk about. Things that I thought I had gotten a lot better at talking about... but apparently that is just when my protective walls are up.

Because yesterday when my walls were down, suddenly it all felt so very raw.

And suddenly I was bawling on the table.

He starts by working in my hara (abdomen) and he hit the spot for Lungs (which ties in with grief and letting go) and I just lost it. I probably could have been broken open even more but I was a little resistant- I didn't really want to be sobbing on the table with this guy I barely know, so instead I was just heavily crying, instead of outright sobbing.

I hate the "emotional hangover" after a good cry though. And while a good cry is necessary and helpful every now and then, having a good cry in front of someone I don't know is NOT my idea of a good time.

And despite my Lung meridian making me cry so hard, it is actually my Stomach meridian that I need to work on- especially for getting pregnant.

Stomach is about appetite and NOURISHMENT. And while that does involve food and eating, it also means nourishing the soul. So I need to think about what nourishes my life- and do more of that. I was making a list yesterday and was laughing to Mike saying that this will be an excuse to pamper the heck out of myself. I NEED to get pedicures to nourish me so that I can get pregnant, baby! ;)

So obviously this is a short and random list of things that came to me during a five minute period last night but here are some of the things that I came up with that nourish my soul:

pictures of puppies and pandas

trees

the Lake

cuddling

puppets

laughter

getting body work

magic

yahtzee

connecting with people

fancy face cream

baths

swimming

good food

dipping my hand into a bag of beans/grain

using special glasses and plates

helping others

making others smile/laugh

having a clean house

looking pretty

letters

hanging out with friends

scented candles

mood lighting

peter lik photography

flowers

colors

pinterest

good books

working up a good sweat

picnics on the boulevard

fresh sheets

circuses

food art

monet’s paintings

music

a good hair wash

pedicures

baking

hedgehogs

yoga

tai chi

qi gong

tae kwon do

hula hooping

thankful lists

presents

eye lash extensions

good glass of wine

shaving with a good razor

lemony drink

sleeping naked

kisses

hugs

I realize that some of these seem a little bizarre- like "eye lash extensions." But hey, whatever works, right? 

What nourishes your soul???

happy anniversary

Mike and I just had our one-year wedding anniversary. That year just zoomed by. I've just sat here for about three minutes deciding what to write next because I am so happy but if I talk about how totally awesome our relationship is, I will sound like a dick. Or people will just say, "Just you wait til later in the marriage. You guys don't know what's coming."

Whatever.

My point is that one year in, I would say that getting married to Mike is the best decision I have ever made.

We watched the video from our wedding yesterday. It was fun to see the wedding from a different prospective. I have to say, our wedding was fun. And there was a lot of laughing. And a lot of clapping. Mike and I joked about that. We said, "Do most people get applause after they say their vows?" Or should I say, "Sing them?"

My vows:

 Finding someone that you can live with, that won’t drive you crazy, is no easy task.

I choose you, however, not simply because I can live with you, but because I can't live without you.

You have made my life better and easier, sharing my burdens and giving me your love, strength… and food. Your joy for life is contagious. Your sense of humor is just as nerdy as mine. Your hugs heal me. And your kisses melt me.

I could go on for hours about how much I love you, but I think Bob Dylan summed it up best…

I love you more than ever, more than time and more than love

I love you more than money and more than the stars above

I love you more than madness, more than waves upon the sea

I love you more than life itself, you mean that much to me.

However, it takes more than just love to make a marriage work, and so I promise to stick by your side through good and bad. I promise to not take you for granted, to treat you with respect and to make you laugh at least once a day as long as we both shall live. I promise to try to be the best version of me that I can be. And I promise to help you be the best version of you that you can be. And I promise that even when I am tired or angry or upset, to still keep my promises.

I, Nicolette Becker, take you, Michael Carroll, to be my husband, my partner, and my missing piece as we face all of life’s adventures, joys and challenges together.

I love you.

Anyways, upon re-hearing my vows, I thought about if I was holding true to them.  For the most part, I am. We laugh non-stop when we are together and I told him to go ahead and quit his job so that he could follow his dreams even if that is a little scary and not currently a good financial decision. 

But am I being the best version of me that I can be? Meh. Not really.  Time to step it up a notch. 

Let's make year two even better than year one! 

this week in pictures

I'm too lazy to actually come up with a topic for this blog post so instead I went through and found some pics I've taken lately and will just comment on those...

We had a picnic at the beach the other day. It was my friend Emily's first time at a Chicago beach which is absolutely ridiculous. It's not the ocean, but Chicago has some legit beaches. It was an absolutely lovely, albeit slightly cold, day. Makes me wish I always had Sunday afternoons off!

My brother Mike and his three girls were in town for a few days. They were there while I was setting up to give a massage. Lily wanted to try out the massage table and was quickly addicted!

And Amelia has finally passed the stage where she is afraid of me. And despite not knowing me very well (they live in Atlanta) she decided that she likes me because her older sisters do. So here's the thing about her older sisters... I don't love other people's kids. I'm not one of those people who goes gaga over babies. But I ADORE my nieces and nephews which is why I know I will adore my own children. Lily and Ella made me come up to the attic to see their "playroom" which was little more than a mattress on the ground. I helped them set up the playroom more by opening a box of stuffed animals and moving the mirror AWAY from the bed that they were jumping on! We then pretended that there was a thunder storm and we had to hide under the covers whenever there was lightning. 

They are such a fun age. 

Mike and I drove up to Minnesota for the 4th of July because his dad's family was having a reunion. However, while there I got to see my best friend Jamie too. While we were waiting for Jamie to get off work and meet us at Carleton I took Mike to the local bar and we played pinball. I haven't played pinball since I was back there for reunion- but it only took five minutes before I was completely hooked! Mike and I actually ended up playing twice... once while waiting for Jamie and then again a few hours later while we were waiting for the restaurant we were going to dinner at to open.

Mike played extremely well the first time but not so well the second time. I said to him, "You were amazing this morning" and knowing that there was another bar patron who could hear us nearby he responds all sultry "thanks, baby." I totally cracked up knowing that the guy probably thought we were talking about sex, not pinball!

This is Mike in the Zen garden at Carleton.

Not only did I get to see Carleton and show it to Mike, but then we all got to play some soccer on Bell Field, which is one of my "happy places". This was our badass, serious pose.

This is Mike's dad and his uncles at the reunion. They are all extremely nice but Uncle Leo's Minnesotan accent was so thick that I couldn't understand a word he said.

While up in Minnesota we got to stay in student housing at Macalester college. It was more of an apartment than a dorm, but it definitely had a dorm feel! Brought me back!

Otherwise not much new in my life. Thanks for checking in!

my journey

Today I started my Shiatsu 2 class. I really wasn't planning on taking it until next year but things kept drawing me towards it. As we went around the class and introduced ourselves two of the women made comments about how if a year ago someone said that they would be taking this class and thinking about taking the whole certification program for shiatsu, they would never have believed them. They were firmly rooted in corporate America. And now they feel like their journey has just begun. 

Which made me think about my journey. I've been a massage therapist for over ten years now. I knew that I wanted to be a massage therapist since I was 12 years old, I was drawn to it. Without even knowing exactly why. Sure, comfy clothes, low stress, no meetings- all that stuff sounded appealing. (And is!) But something about what I do speaks to my soul. Did I know it would? Or did I just luck out?

Though I may look the same and seem the same to an untrained eye, I am such a completely different person than I was 12 years ago. How I see the world and others and how I connect with the world have all radically changed. My soul is so much more at peace. And I know I am still just beginning to "get it." But I'm so thankful that I decided to take this journey. 

And so it is fun to see other people starting on their journeys. We may end up in completely different places- but watching people break out of their bubbles and experience new things and grow? Amazing! Parents and teachers, of course, get to see this all the time. 

It's one of those things that words will never do justice to and you will just sound hokey if you try which is why I usually don't. But today was a beautiful day and I'm happy I'm taking this class so I wanted to share. 

On a side note, I had a total "duh!" moment today. The teacher was drawing a flow chart on the board in the shape of a star. And I know that the shape is often referred to as a "pentagram" which I never understood because, yes, it has five sides, but it is most definitely a star. 

And then I realized that the shape the five lines make at the CENTER of the star is a, wait for it...  pentagram! 

It finally makes sense! 

Also, during our lunch break Michael offered some of his granola (oh you little hippie, can you be more stereotypical?!?!) to Joe who hadn't brought any food. 

And then Michael said something that I just loved. "It tastes better when you share."

Yes, it does.  :)

Happy town. Population: me

Sometimes I feel guilty because it seems like people I know are dealing with much bigger issues in life as I just sail along. (knock on wood) Now, I know that I've HAD some bigger issues in my life (mom's cancer, sam being hospitalized, depression, love drama galore) and that everything goes in stages and I am just in a good stage right now. But my Catholic upbringing still causes me to feel guilty about it. 

But it doesn't stop me from enjoying it. 

The last few weeks have been exhausting because I've been busy having so much fun. And even though I'm an introvert, I still LOVE hanging out with my friends and family and get so happy from that. 

Anyways, here are some things that I am happy about right now:

My husband is the best cook EVER!!!!

And he is a total goofball.

And I adore his family. I seriously lucked out getting them for in-laws.

And Mike and I got to take a little getaway to rural Michigan the other day where we hung out at the beach and the dunes and the woods. The woods were so insanely green that it sort of blew my mind. 

The bed and breakfast we stayed at was adorable. We were the only people there and the weather was perfect. 

And I'm totally in love with this tree at the beach. 

We borrowed my parents' car to go to Michigan and when I asked if I could take it my mom said, "Sure, Mike just has to cook dinner for us!" So he did and it was delicious and at the end of the meal my dad goes, "So, when do you want to borrow the car again??" :)

Mike and I went to Half Acre's 5th anniversary party which was a blast. 

And they had a clown there. I am one of the few people who actually LOVES clowns. He made me a rattlesnake balloon animal. 

Life is a little crazy. Mike's last day at Half Acre is the 31st and who knows what life is going to bring but I've got the feeling it is going to be all good. Here is hoping that a bit of that goodness rubs off on my friends!