this week in pictures

I'm too lazy to actually come up with a topic for this blog post so instead I went through and found some pics I've taken lately and will just comment on those...

We had a picnic at the beach the other day. It was my friend Emily's first time at a Chicago beach which is absolutely ridiculous. It's not the ocean, but Chicago has some legit beaches. It was an absolutely lovely, albeit slightly cold, day. Makes me wish I always had Sunday afternoons off!

My brother Mike and his three girls were in town for a few days. They were there while I was setting up to give a massage. Lily wanted to try out the massage table and was quickly addicted!

And Amelia has finally passed the stage where she is afraid of me. And despite not knowing me very well (they live in Atlanta) she decided that she likes me because her older sisters do. So here's the thing about her older sisters... I don't love other people's kids. I'm not one of those people who goes gaga over babies. But I ADORE my nieces and nephews which is why I know I will adore my own children. Lily and Ella made me come up to the attic to see their "playroom" which was little more than a mattress on the ground. I helped them set up the playroom more by opening a box of stuffed animals and moving the mirror AWAY from the bed that they were jumping on! We then pretended that there was a thunder storm and we had to hide under the covers whenever there was lightning. 

They are such a fun age. 

Mike and I drove up to Minnesota for the 4th of July because his dad's family was having a reunion. However, while there I got to see my best friend Jamie too. While we were waiting for Jamie to get off work and meet us at Carleton I took Mike to the local bar and we played pinball. I haven't played pinball since I was back there for reunion- but it only took five minutes before I was completely hooked! Mike and I actually ended up playing twice... once while waiting for Jamie and then again a few hours later while we were waiting for the restaurant we were going to dinner at to open.

Mike played extremely well the first time but not so well the second time. I said to him, "You were amazing this morning" and knowing that there was another bar patron who could hear us nearby he responds all sultry "thanks, baby." I totally cracked up knowing that the guy probably thought we were talking about sex, not pinball!

This is Mike in the Zen garden at Carleton.

Not only did I get to see Carleton and show it to Mike, but then we all got to play some soccer on Bell Field, which is one of my "happy places". This was our badass, serious pose.

This is Mike's dad and his uncles at the reunion. They are all extremely nice but Uncle Leo's Minnesotan accent was so thick that I couldn't understand a word he said.

While up in Minnesota we got to stay in student housing at Macalester college. It was more of an apartment than a dorm, but it definitely had a dorm feel! Brought me back!

Otherwise not much new in my life. Thanks for checking in!

my journey

Today I started my Shiatsu 2 class. I really wasn't planning on taking it until next year but things kept drawing me towards it. As we went around the class and introduced ourselves two of the women made comments about how if a year ago someone said that they would be taking this class and thinking about taking the whole certification program for shiatsu, they would never have believed them. They were firmly rooted in corporate America. And now they feel like their journey has just begun. 

Which made me think about my journey. I've been a massage therapist for over ten years now. I knew that I wanted to be a massage therapist since I was 12 years old, I was drawn to it. Without even knowing exactly why. Sure, comfy clothes, low stress, no meetings- all that stuff sounded appealing. (And is!) But something about what I do speaks to my soul. Did I know it would? Or did I just luck out?

Though I may look the same and seem the same to an untrained eye, I am such a completely different person than I was 12 years ago. How I see the world and others and how I connect with the world have all radically changed. My soul is so much more at peace. And I know I am still just beginning to "get it." But I'm so thankful that I decided to take this journey. 

And so it is fun to see other people starting on their journeys. We may end up in completely different places- but watching people break out of their bubbles and experience new things and grow? Amazing! Parents and teachers, of course, get to see this all the time. 

It's one of those things that words will never do justice to and you will just sound hokey if you try which is why I usually don't. But today was a beautiful day and I'm happy I'm taking this class so I wanted to share. 

On a side note, I had a total "duh!" moment today. The teacher was drawing a flow chart on the board in the shape of a star. And I know that the shape is often referred to as a "pentagram" which I never understood because, yes, it has five sides, but it is most definitely a star. 

And then I realized that the shape the five lines make at the CENTER of the star is a, wait for it...  pentagram! 

It finally makes sense! 

Also, during our lunch break Michael offered some of his granola (oh you little hippie, can you be more stereotypical?!?!) to Joe who hadn't brought any food. 

And then Michael said something that I just loved. "It tastes better when you share."

Yes, it does.  :)

Happy town. Population: me

Sometimes I feel guilty because it seems like people I know are dealing with much bigger issues in life as I just sail along. (knock on wood) Now, I know that I've HAD some bigger issues in my life (mom's cancer, sam being hospitalized, depression, love drama galore) and that everything goes in stages and I am just in a good stage right now. But my Catholic upbringing still causes me to feel guilty about it. 

But it doesn't stop me from enjoying it. 

The last few weeks have been exhausting because I've been busy having so much fun. And even though I'm an introvert, I still LOVE hanging out with my friends and family and get so happy from that. 

Anyways, here are some things that I am happy about right now:

My husband is the best cook EVER!!!!

And he is a total goofball.

And I adore his family. I seriously lucked out getting them for in-laws.

And Mike and I got to take a little getaway to rural Michigan the other day where we hung out at the beach and the dunes and the woods. The woods were so insanely green that it sort of blew my mind. 

The bed and breakfast we stayed at was adorable. We were the only people there and the weather was perfect. 

And I'm totally in love with this tree at the beach. 

We borrowed my parents' car to go to Michigan and when I asked if I could take it my mom said, "Sure, Mike just has to cook dinner for us!" So he did and it was delicious and at the end of the meal my dad goes, "So, when do you want to borrow the car again??" :)

Mike and I went to Half Acre's 5th anniversary party which was a blast. 

And they had a clown there. I am one of the few people who actually LOVES clowns. He made me a rattlesnake balloon animal. 

Life is a little crazy. Mike's last day at Half Acre is the 31st and who knows what life is going to bring but I've got the feeling it is going to be all good. Here is hoping that a bit of that goodness rubs off on my friends! 

Ask for what you want in life

This isn't really a blog post for you guys as it is a reminder to myself for the future...

Yesterday was rough. It started out lovely. The weather was nice. The sky was blue. It was a walk in the park. Literally. And then I went to work. And it being the day before I get my period, my hormones were out of control.

Nikki, you should laugh. No, you should cry. Be angry. No, you should laugh. No, CRY!!! Just make up your mind, would ya?

Do you know how hard it is to be loving and mindful and giving at work when you feel like you are losing your mind? Well, I made it through. And did a rock star job at my massages, if I do say so myself.

And I stopped by the grocery store and bought WAY too many groceries. Which may not sound like a problem to most people, except that I have to walk a ways and take two busses to get home from the grocery store- while now lugging seven bags of heavy groceries.

And did I mention that it suddenly got very cold? And I was not dressed for it. And my busses took a long time to come so I was freezing?

(I'm not whining,  just trying to set the scene.)

So I finally got on the second bus and Mike and I were texting back and forth. I was trying to drop some hints about how I would like him to come help me lug these bags of groceries home. He wasn't picking up on the hints. His responses were more of the "great! can't wait to see you!" variety. Which is sweet. But wasn't doing it for my PMSing self.

So finally, do you know what I did? I straight out asked him to meet me at the bus stop and to bring my coat.

And he did. And my night was INFINITELY better and I was more in love with my husband than ever.

So the moral of the story is to just ask for what you want. Don't drop hints. Don't be mad that they don't just magically think of it themselves. Just ask. This I think applies to everything in life, not just husbands and PMSing wives.

facebook profile pic

So here's the thing- yesterday was a big day in court fighting to get gay marriage legalized. And a lot of people on Facebook changed their profile pic to a red equal sign to show support of gay marriage.

And, of course, that created a bunch of clever spin offs.

And I will admit that I don't usually do things like change my facebook pic for things like this. I've seen too many "It's national brother day, change this to your facebook status if you love your brother!" and other such stupidity. A lot of times I think, "What's the point? That won't change anything."

So while I am a firm supporter of gay marriage, I wouldn't usually jump on the bandwagon of facebook trends. That is, until I read some statuses by some gay friends of mine.

Everyone changing their profile pic in support of marriage equality is making me so happy. It may not seem like a big deal to you but to me it's like this grand statement saying, "we love you" "we are standing with you against this hate" "this country is changing" "Michele Bachman is crazy". So thank you!

Eloquently said by my partner, Dan. I don't think y'all know how much it meant to see the overwhelming support from all of you today. Always knew you were there, but seeing it took my breath away.

Absolutely amazed by the updates on FB from our straight allies. You guys and gals play a big role in this civil rights fight with us. You have been with us in this fight all along the way. And the Dan and Meta Show certainly wouldn't speak for the entire gay community (although we have requested that power from them several times), thank you, thank you, thank you!

And that was enough for me. Is changing my profile picture going to affect if the law gets changed? No. But if it makes even one person feel supported and accepted and loved, then it is worth it. 

baby blues

Last week was rough.

As I said to Mike, "You know how when you are really happy- everything just sort of seems to go your way? And it is like you draw more happiness and happy people towards you? And you notice pretty and awesome things that you never noticed before- even though you've walked by them a thousand times? Yeah, well, last week was the exact opposite of that."

And it is mainly just hormones, because nothing is going that poorly in my life. Though losing my Gonzo button- which was my "something blue" from my wedding- really bummed me out.

But sometimes you need a crappy week to make you appreciate the good weeks.

The hardest thing for me right now is not being pregnant. I've ALWAYS wanted kids. And I've always had that urge to have kids. I've felt like my biological clock was ticking since I was 21. And while I'm soooo glad that I waited to have kids with Mike rather than having kids with the wrong person just so I could have kids, it doesn't change the fact that I really want kids and it is hard not having them.

And I've become jealous. Not of my friends who have older kids, for some reason that is okay. But of my friends who have had babies in the last few weeks or who are pregnant. Seeing it on Facebook almost brings me to tears. Before it was okay. Before it was my conscious decision to not have kids yet.

Now it's not. Now it's my body not doing what I want it to. And now it's worrying. Is this just the normal period that people go through when trying to get pregnant? Or did the procedures that I had done when I had the pre-cancerous cells on my cervix years ago really mess up my ability to get pregnant? It was a possibility that I had to risk at the time. Or maybe it's not that at all. Maybe it's Mike's sperm. Or maybe I'm pregnant right now.

That's the hardest part- the build up of hope every month just to be shot down.

And sweet Jesus, I've only been trying for three months! I know people who have done this for years. How do they do it? While I've always been sympathetic towards them, I now have so much more love and tenderness towards them. I remember a client I had a few months ago- she was having invitro done the next day and she was one of the biggest balls of stress I've ever seen. I remember thinking at the time that there was no way it was going to take because no baby could survive in that sort of stressed out environment. Now I wanna go back and just give her the biggest hug ever.

Anyways, I'm feeling much, much better. And hopeful. And I've been writing a ton- finally back to work on my novel.  And life is good.

oops!

So much for my New Year's Resolution, I didn't post a single time in February! That's okay, February is the lamest month ever. That's why we keep it so short.

Instead of doing a real post let's just do some bullet points, shall we?

- I hate when friends name their baby something that I was planning on naming a kid, cuz then it seems like I am just copying them. Of course, unless you make up a new original name, you are going to be copying somebody.

- I love it when I get my password right (for things I don't often log into) on the first try.

- It's snowing again. Yuck. But at least we're not having a mega-drought. So that's good.

- We are redoing our living room. My next post will have pics, but I'm too lazy to upload them from my camera right now.

- I'm doing a competition with my sister to see who can lose the most weight in the next eight weeks. I'm gonna win. It's only been two days and I already feel skinnier.

- It's only been two days and I remember why I don't like dieting- I miss food!

- My landlord is hispanic and her teenage son yells at her all the time and I want to go down there and punch him. He should not be talking to his mama like that.

- I had a scary cab driver last night. He was convinced every red light was a personal vendetta against him. People who hate driving should NOT be cab drivers.

- I'm in a grouchy mood. And I'm sick of the city. And I'm dreaming about moving out to the country. But then I think about the bugs and the snakes and how I'd probably get stuck with a neighbor I didn't like so I should probably just stay here.

- Now you can see why I haven't posted. Not much to talk about. No major news. I'm not pregnant. My mom's health is not great but it's steady and not horrible. Mike is still awesome. My coworkers are still not the best but I am trying to be nicer to them.

-And I had to buy new pants because mine totally split in the crotch when I was at work on Saturday. So that was fun.

I'll talk to you again when I am less grouchy!