"in love" vs "love"

Have you ever been in love?

I was talking to one of my favorite coworkers the other day and discovered that she has never been in love. Say what?!? With some people that wouldn't come as a surprise. I would just think to myself, "Yeah, you're ugly and I don't like you. I can see why you've never been in love." But my coworker is AMAZING. And pretty and loving and lovable. So it came as a shock to me that she has never been in love.

She has been in relationships and has loved people but has never been "in love." And I think there is definitely a big difference. I love my parents but I'm not in love with them. I loved my dog but I wasn't in love with him. I love my friends but am not in love with them.

We are surrounded by movies and songs and books that talk about love and being in love. We are bombarded with it. To the point where if you haven't been in love you start to ask- well why not? What's wrong with me? Am I incapable of falling in love?

I think everyone is capable of falling in love. But you do need the right person. You can't force it. Speaking as someone who has done their fair share of dating (no comments from the peanut gallery) you don't fall in love with everyone you date, not by a long shot.

But should you date someone you aren't in love with? I realize those feelings of being "in love" can fade but shouldn't you have them at some point?

I've seen marriages where two people come together who love each other and then years later the marriage falls apart when one of them meets someone else and falls "in love." And while I was angry at the guy at first for throwing his marriage away, I can't say that I totally blame him. He had never been in love before. Until he met this new woman he didn't even know that he could feel this way. But now that he knows that he CAN feel this way, how is he supposed to be happy with what he and his wife had?

Being in love is a really strong and powerful feeling. And I don't think it is necessarily just the excitement and newness of the relationship that makes it seem so strong, but it is an actual different feeling than simply loving someone. Not that love should be underrated. Love is amazing. Love is powerful. But being in love is like love on heroine. It's intense. It's something that I think everyone should experience. It's awesome. It's a pretty valid legal defense: "I know that my actions were ridiculous, your Honor, but I was in love!"