don't work too hard

Hi.

My name is Nikki and I just ate way too many jalapeno peppers. They were pickled so it didn't seem like too many at the time but now my stomach hates me. It's good to do that every now and then just to remind myself that I shouldn't do it.

So what else is new? Yesterday was my birthday and it was pretty non-exciting. I had a full day of classes and then came home and ate delicious tacos (my favorite) and watched Forrest Gump.

Oh, and I had raging PMS which was causing me to almost keep breaking into tears throughout the day.

So that was fun.

I'm feeling much better now. Well, except for my stomach hating me for eating peppers.

Right, anyways. Moving on.

School is kicking my ass. I mean, it's fine and I will get through it fine but I will actually have to WORK to do well. Boo on that. Do you want to know something sort of funny though?

I was receiving an acupuncture treatment in the student clinic today and one of my chronic problems is just a lack of qi or energy. This can manifest in the body in my ways- including the obvious one of just not having very much energy or get-up-and-go. So the clinic supervisor came in and was observing the student working on me and was talking to me. She is this little lady from China with a HORRIBLY thick and difficult to understand Chinese accent. And she likes to yell at me that I am trying to do too much and that I don't have the energy to be doing all of this, that I'm not super woman.

So today her advice to me was to just try to pass- not to stress out and try to get A's. Just pass- don't stress out- don't work too hard. So that's my excuse if I don't ace these tests that I have on Thursday and next week- my teacher told me not to study!

She did not, however, tell me to type blog posts instead of working on my powerpoint presentation for tomorrow. So I better be off. Just wanted to say hi.

first day of school

I, of course, had a nightmare last night about the first day of school. In the dream I really had to go to the bathroom (which is not unusual, I dream about that nightly and it wakes me up so that I can get up and go to the bathroom) but in the dream I had to pee but a class was about to start but a rock concert just let out so I was late to class because 50 people were in line before me to use the restroom.

However, my actual first day went smoothly. I'm not in love with my first class. She just throws lots of information at you. My second class has the best teacher ever. And my fellow classmates are amazing.

One of the things I learned in my first class, however, which I think is awesome is that in olden days in China doctors got paid based on how healthy their clients were. The healthier the clients, the more they were paid. So it was in a doctor's best interest to do preventative medicine and keep everyone super healthy. What a concept!

So the funniest thing that happened this weekend is that Mike and I went out to dinner last night. We were going to a nicer restaurant so I got all dolled up. We got on the bus together but there were no seats together so we were sitting across the aisle from each other. He reached over and put his hand on my leg and I (pretending that I didn't know him) slapped it away with a shocked look on my face! I heard a couple of sharp intakes of breath from people around me- who really believed that I didn't know him and some stranger had just tried to put his hand on my thigh. Until I exploded in giggles. Mike just shook his head and said, "You are such a jerk." It was hilarious!

I also had insufficient funds on my debit card today when I went to Trader Joes. Oops! That should have been embarrassing but I thought it was a mistake by the bank. Nope. I just forgot to transfer funds. Teehee. Sorry to the ten people in line behind me! Maybe I should start keeping a credit card in my wallet. They had to return half of my items so that I could pay for them with the cash I had on me.

Anyways, I've got lots of reading to do, and these classes might kick my butt a little but I am still way ahead of a lot of people in my class who are coming straight from Corporate America.

Time to go read!

grad school

Well, I did it. I got in to grad school and start on Tuesday. I have orientation tonight where I will meet my fellow students. Who knows, maybe I will meet some bosom friends?

My parents are happy because they like the idea of me being in legit school and getting my masters.

I am happy because I get to learn about Chinese medicine which appeals to the spiritual side of me.

What I love about Chinese medicine is that it makes energy work more tangible/physical. There are specific indicators that you can look at- like the tongue or the pulse or someone's finger nails that help you diagnose what is going on in the body.

I'm not knocking Western medicine and for an acute problem I would recommend everyone going to their doctor. You break your arm and you are not going to go see an acupuncturist.

Where I think Western medicine fails is in the preventative stage. Also in the idea of what being well and healthy is. Being healthy isn't simply not being sick. That's just the middle ground. Chinese medicine can help people feel great.

Anyways, I'll be able to tell you a lot more in a few years. But I wanted to write a blog post today because I'm about to set out on a big adventure and it'll be interesting to look back when I am done and see where I was.

So where am I? Living in Chicago in a tiny apartment. Which, to be fair, is huge by New York or Paris standards! And would be plenty big enough if I didn't have so much crap. No children, no pets, but one hell of an awesome husband. Still working at 1000 Waves and really enjoying that. A bit overweight but generally healthy. Trying to give up processed sugar and soda pop- and while it is not completely gone from my diet, it is getting much better.

So where do I hope to be in five years... in a house, with mike who has his brewery/restaurant thriving, with a kid or two and a dog or two and my own space to do massage/acupuncture and qi gong. I also want to see my sister married, my brother have a job he loves, my friends have significant others that they love and enough money that I don't have to feel super stressed out.

just do it

I'm a planner. I like to plan and scheme and dream. I do actually DO things as well. But I tend to hang out in the planning stage for a long time. Don't really rush into things. Not major life decisions anyways. Or do I?

I guess sometimes I just go with my gut. And it leads me to wonderful places.

And now my gut is telling me that I should go to acupuncture school and learn about Chinese medicine.

I'll admit that it's been in the back of my mind for years. But way back on a back burner. Yesterday was the first time that I started talking about wanting to actually do it. My mom told me that I should do it right now. Don't wait. My husband said HELL YES! (but that's just because he likes being my guinea pig!)

And so tomorrow I'm meeting with the admissions officer. And I've already hit a couple of people up for letters of reference.

And it is scary and exciting and new. And I'm loving that. I'm loving getting out of my comfort zone.

Break me wide open so the world can pour in

Holy emotional turbulence, Batman! What a day.

But before I get to that... doesn't it seem weird that we can have so much affection for things like the moon? But I really do love the moon.

Yesterday in shiatsu class we worked our Gallbladder and Liver meridians. To start the class we did a few stretches, a meditation and then a couple of qi gong exercises. And the exercises helped my jaw to finally release. My jaw has been "stuck" for months. Not terribly painful or anything, but somewhat uncomfortable. Like a bone/knuckle that needs to crack that you can't get to go. Or like needing to sneeze and it just won't come.

Well it finally released. And when you've been holding on to something for MONTHS and finally let it go, it's huge. It felt great. But the release of so much tension is overwhelming. So I felt a bit weepy. In a good way, but weepy still.

And then following class I had my free shiatsu session with Steve, the founder/ owner of my school.

Which starts by doing a client intake interview which is a lot of VERY personal questions. And I was weepy to begin with. And they were things that are not easy to talk about. Things that I thought I had gotten a lot better at talking about... but apparently that is just when my protective walls are up.

Because yesterday when my walls were down, suddenly it all felt so very raw.

And suddenly I was bawling on the table.

He starts by working in my hara (abdomen) and he hit the spot for Lungs (which ties in with grief and letting go) and I just lost it. I probably could have been broken open even more but I was a little resistant- I didn't really want to be sobbing on the table with this guy I barely know, so instead I was just heavily crying, instead of outright sobbing.

I hate the "emotional hangover" after a good cry though. And while a good cry is necessary and helpful every now and then, having a good cry in front of someone I don't know is NOT my idea of a good time.

And despite my Lung meridian making me cry so hard, it is actually my Stomach meridian that I need to work on- especially for getting pregnant.

Stomach is about appetite and NOURISHMENT. And while that does involve food and eating, it also means nourishing the soul. So I need to think about what nourishes my life- and do more of that. I was making a list yesterday and was laughing to Mike saying that this will be an excuse to pamper the heck out of myself. I NEED to get pedicures to nourish me so that I can get pregnant, baby! ;)

So obviously this is a short and random list of things that came to me during a five minute period last night but here are some of the things that I came up with that nourish my soul:

pictures of puppies and pandas

trees

the Lake

cuddling

puppets

laughter

getting body work

magic

yahtzee

connecting with people

fancy face cream

baths

swimming

good food

dipping my hand into a bag of beans/grain

using special glasses and plates

helping others

making others smile/laugh

having a clean house

looking pretty

letters

hanging out with friends

scented candles

mood lighting

peter lik photography

flowers

colors

pinterest

good books

working up a good sweat

picnics on the boulevard

fresh sheets

circuses

food art

monet’s paintings

music

a good hair wash

pedicures

baking

hedgehogs

yoga

tai chi

qi gong

tae kwon do

hula hooping

thankful lists

presents

eye lash extensions

good glass of wine

shaving with a good razor

lemony drink

sleeping naked

kisses

hugs

I realize that some of these seem a little bizarre- like "eye lash extensions." But hey, whatever works, right? 

What nourishes your soul???

happy anniversary

Mike and I just had our one-year wedding anniversary. That year just zoomed by. I've just sat here for about three minutes deciding what to write next because I am so happy but if I talk about how totally awesome our relationship is, I will sound like a dick. Or people will just say, "Just you wait til later in the marriage. You guys don't know what's coming."

Whatever.

My point is that one year in, I would say that getting married to Mike is the best decision I have ever made.

We watched the video from our wedding yesterday. It was fun to see the wedding from a different prospective. I have to say, our wedding was fun. And there was a lot of laughing. And a lot of clapping. Mike and I joked about that. We said, "Do most people get applause after they say their vows?" Or should I say, "Sing them?"

My vows:

 Finding someone that you can live with, that won’t drive you crazy, is no easy task.

I choose you, however, not simply because I can live with you, but because I can't live without you.

You have made my life better and easier, sharing my burdens and giving me your love, strength… and food. Your joy for life is contagious. Your sense of humor is just as nerdy as mine. Your hugs heal me. And your kisses melt me.

I could go on for hours about how much I love you, but I think Bob Dylan summed it up best…

I love you more than ever, more than time and more than love

I love you more than money and more than the stars above

I love you more than madness, more than waves upon the sea

I love you more than life itself, you mean that much to me.

However, it takes more than just love to make a marriage work, and so I promise to stick by your side through good and bad. I promise to not take you for granted, to treat you with respect and to make you laugh at least once a day as long as we both shall live. I promise to try to be the best version of me that I can be. And I promise to help you be the best version of you that you can be. And I promise that even when I am tired or angry or upset, to still keep my promises.

I, Nicolette Becker, take you, Michael Carroll, to be my husband, my partner, and my missing piece as we face all of life’s adventures, joys and challenges together.

I love you.

Anyways, upon re-hearing my vows, I thought about if I was holding true to them.  For the most part, I am. We laugh non-stop when we are together and I told him to go ahead and quit his job so that he could follow his dreams even if that is a little scary and not currently a good financial decision. 

But am I being the best version of me that I can be? Meh. Not really.  Time to step it up a notch. 

Let's make year two even better than year one! 

this week in pictures

I'm too lazy to actually come up with a topic for this blog post so instead I went through and found some pics I've taken lately and will just comment on those...

We had a picnic at the beach the other day. It was my friend Emily's first time at a Chicago beach which is absolutely ridiculous. It's not the ocean, but Chicago has some legit beaches. It was an absolutely lovely, albeit slightly cold, day. Makes me wish I always had Sunday afternoons off!

My brother Mike and his three girls were in town for a few days. They were there while I was setting up to give a massage. Lily wanted to try out the massage table and was quickly addicted!

And Amelia has finally passed the stage where she is afraid of me. And despite not knowing me very well (they live in Atlanta) she decided that she likes me because her older sisters do. So here's the thing about her older sisters... I don't love other people's kids. I'm not one of those people who goes gaga over babies. But I ADORE my nieces and nephews which is why I know I will adore my own children. Lily and Ella made me come up to the attic to see their "playroom" which was little more than a mattress on the ground. I helped them set up the playroom more by opening a box of stuffed animals and moving the mirror AWAY from the bed that they were jumping on! We then pretended that there was a thunder storm and we had to hide under the covers whenever there was lightning. 

They are such a fun age. 

Mike and I drove up to Minnesota for the 4th of July because his dad's family was having a reunion. However, while there I got to see my best friend Jamie too. While we were waiting for Jamie to get off work and meet us at Carleton I took Mike to the local bar and we played pinball. I haven't played pinball since I was back there for reunion- but it only took five minutes before I was completely hooked! Mike and I actually ended up playing twice... once while waiting for Jamie and then again a few hours later while we were waiting for the restaurant we were going to dinner at to open.

Mike played extremely well the first time but not so well the second time. I said to him, "You were amazing this morning" and knowing that there was another bar patron who could hear us nearby he responds all sultry "thanks, baby." I totally cracked up knowing that the guy probably thought we were talking about sex, not pinball!

This is Mike in the Zen garden at Carleton.

Not only did I get to see Carleton and show it to Mike, but then we all got to play some soccer on Bell Field, which is one of my "happy places". This was our badass, serious pose.

This is Mike's dad and his uncles at the reunion. They are all extremely nice but Uncle Leo's Minnesotan accent was so thick that I couldn't understand a word he said.

While up in Minnesota we got to stay in student housing at Macalester college. It was more of an apartment than a dorm, but it definitely had a dorm feel! Brought me back!

Otherwise not much new in my life. Thanks for checking in!