Happy town. Population: me

Sometimes I feel guilty because it seems like people I know are dealing with much bigger issues in life as I just sail along. (knock on wood) Now, I know that I've HAD some bigger issues in my life (mom's cancer, sam being hospitalized, depression, love drama galore) and that everything goes in stages and I am just in a good stage right now. But my Catholic upbringing still causes me to feel guilty about it. 

But it doesn't stop me from enjoying it. 

The last few weeks have been exhausting because I've been busy having so much fun. And even though I'm an introvert, I still LOVE hanging out with my friends and family and get so happy from that. 

Anyways, here are some things that I am happy about right now:

My husband is the best cook EVER!!!!

And he is a total goofball.

And I adore his family. I seriously lucked out getting them for in-laws.

And Mike and I got to take a little getaway to rural Michigan the other day where we hung out at the beach and the dunes and the woods. The woods were so insanely green that it sort of blew my mind. 

The bed and breakfast we stayed at was adorable. We were the only people there and the weather was perfect. 

And I'm totally in love with this tree at the beach. 

We borrowed my parents' car to go to Michigan and when I asked if I could take it my mom said, "Sure, Mike just has to cook dinner for us!" So he did and it was delicious and at the end of the meal my dad goes, "So, when do you want to borrow the car again??" :)

Mike and I went to Half Acre's 5th anniversary party which was a blast. 

And they had a clown there. I am one of the few people who actually LOVES clowns. He made me a rattlesnake balloon animal. 

Life is a little crazy. Mike's last day at Half Acre is the 31st and who knows what life is going to bring but I've got the feeling it is going to be all good. Here is hoping that a bit of that goodness rubs off on my friends! 

Ask for what you want in life

This isn't really a blog post for you guys as it is a reminder to myself for the future...

Yesterday was rough. It started out lovely. The weather was nice. The sky was blue. It was a walk in the park. Literally. And then I went to work. And it being the day before I get my period, my hormones were out of control.

Nikki, you should laugh. No, you should cry. Be angry. No, you should laugh. No, CRY!!! Just make up your mind, would ya?

Do you know how hard it is to be loving and mindful and giving at work when you feel like you are losing your mind? Well, I made it through. And did a rock star job at my massages, if I do say so myself.

And I stopped by the grocery store and bought WAY too many groceries. Which may not sound like a problem to most people, except that I have to walk a ways and take two busses to get home from the grocery store- while now lugging seven bags of heavy groceries.

And did I mention that it suddenly got very cold? And I was not dressed for it. And my busses took a long time to come so I was freezing?

(I'm not whining,  just trying to set the scene.)

So I finally got on the second bus and Mike and I were texting back and forth. I was trying to drop some hints about how I would like him to come help me lug these bags of groceries home. He wasn't picking up on the hints. His responses were more of the "great! can't wait to see you!" variety. Which is sweet. But wasn't doing it for my PMSing self.

So finally, do you know what I did? I straight out asked him to meet me at the bus stop and to bring my coat.

And he did. And my night was INFINITELY better and I was more in love with my husband than ever.

So the moral of the story is to just ask for what you want. Don't drop hints. Don't be mad that they don't just magically think of it themselves. Just ask. This I think applies to everything in life, not just husbands and PMSing wives.

facebook profile pic

So here's the thing- yesterday was a big day in court fighting to get gay marriage legalized. And a lot of people on Facebook changed their profile pic to a red equal sign to show support of gay marriage.

And, of course, that created a bunch of clever spin offs.

And I will admit that I don't usually do things like change my facebook pic for things like this. I've seen too many "It's national brother day, change this to your facebook status if you love your brother!" and other such stupidity. A lot of times I think, "What's the point? That won't change anything."

So while I am a firm supporter of gay marriage, I wouldn't usually jump on the bandwagon of facebook trends. That is, until I read some statuses by some gay friends of mine.

Everyone changing their profile pic in support of marriage equality is making me so happy. It may not seem like a big deal to you but to me it's like this grand statement saying, "we love you" "we are standing with you against this hate" "this country is changing" "Michele Bachman is crazy". So thank you!

Eloquently said by my partner, Dan. I don't think y'all know how much it meant to see the overwhelming support from all of you today. Always knew you were there, but seeing it took my breath away.

Absolutely amazed by the updates on FB from our straight allies. You guys and gals play a big role in this civil rights fight with us. You have been with us in this fight all along the way. And the Dan and Meta Show certainly wouldn't speak for the entire gay community (although we have requested that power from them several times), thank you, thank you, thank you!

And that was enough for me. Is changing my profile picture going to affect if the law gets changed? No. But if it makes even one person feel supported and accepted and loved, then it is worth it. 

baby blues

Last week was rough.

As I said to Mike, "You know how when you are really happy- everything just sort of seems to go your way? And it is like you draw more happiness and happy people towards you? And you notice pretty and awesome things that you never noticed before- even though you've walked by them a thousand times? Yeah, well, last week was the exact opposite of that."

And it is mainly just hormones, because nothing is going that poorly in my life. Though losing my Gonzo button- which was my "something blue" from my wedding- really bummed me out.

But sometimes you need a crappy week to make you appreciate the good weeks.

The hardest thing for me right now is not being pregnant. I've ALWAYS wanted kids. And I've always had that urge to have kids. I've felt like my biological clock was ticking since I was 21. And while I'm soooo glad that I waited to have kids with Mike rather than having kids with the wrong person just so I could have kids, it doesn't change the fact that I really want kids and it is hard not having them.

And I've become jealous. Not of my friends who have older kids, for some reason that is okay. But of my friends who have had babies in the last few weeks or who are pregnant. Seeing it on Facebook almost brings me to tears. Before it was okay. Before it was my conscious decision to not have kids yet.

Now it's not. Now it's my body not doing what I want it to. And now it's worrying. Is this just the normal period that people go through when trying to get pregnant? Or did the procedures that I had done when I had the pre-cancerous cells on my cervix years ago really mess up my ability to get pregnant? It was a possibility that I had to risk at the time. Or maybe it's not that at all. Maybe it's Mike's sperm. Or maybe I'm pregnant right now.

That's the hardest part- the build up of hope every month just to be shot down.

And sweet Jesus, I've only been trying for three months! I know people who have done this for years. How do they do it? While I've always been sympathetic towards them, I now have so much more love and tenderness towards them. I remember a client I had a few months ago- she was having invitro done the next day and she was one of the biggest balls of stress I've ever seen. I remember thinking at the time that there was no way it was going to take because no baby could survive in that sort of stressed out environment. Now I wanna go back and just give her the biggest hug ever.

Anyways, I'm feeling much, much better. And hopeful. And I've been writing a ton- finally back to work on my novel.  And life is good.

oops!

So much for my New Year's Resolution, I didn't post a single time in February! That's okay, February is the lamest month ever. That's why we keep it so short.

Instead of doing a real post let's just do some bullet points, shall we?

- I hate when friends name their baby something that I was planning on naming a kid, cuz then it seems like I am just copying them. Of course, unless you make up a new original name, you are going to be copying somebody.

- I love it when I get my password right (for things I don't often log into) on the first try.

- It's snowing again. Yuck. But at least we're not having a mega-drought. So that's good.

- We are redoing our living room. My next post will have pics, but I'm too lazy to upload them from my camera right now.

- I'm doing a competition with my sister to see who can lose the most weight in the next eight weeks. I'm gonna win. It's only been two days and I already feel skinnier.

- It's only been two days and I remember why I don't like dieting- I miss food!

- My landlord is hispanic and her teenage son yells at her all the time and I want to go down there and punch him. He should not be talking to his mama like that.

- I had a scary cab driver last night. He was convinced every red light was a personal vendetta against him. People who hate driving should NOT be cab drivers.

- I'm in a grouchy mood. And I'm sick of the city. And I'm dreaming about moving out to the country. But then I think about the bugs and the snakes and how I'd probably get stuck with a neighbor I didn't like so I should probably just stay here.

- Now you can see why I haven't posted. Not much to talk about. No major news. I'm not pregnant. My mom's health is not great but it's steady and not horrible. Mike is still awesome. My coworkers are still not the best but I am trying to be nicer to them.

-And I had to buy new pants because mine totally split in the crotch when I was at work on Saturday. So that was fun.

I'll talk to you again when I am less grouchy!

husband of the year

Alrighty, time to blog again. Wait a sec... it is 9:39 PM? Why the hell isn't my husband home? Oh well. Hopefully he is out making business deals that will land him a new brewery. Probably, however, he is just out drinking with his friends.

But you know what? That is okay. Because you know what? I have the best husband EVER!

Seriously, you know when you are younger and you think you want to be married and it will be great? And then you get older and you realize how messed up people are and you lower your expectations?

Well, being married (to Mike at least) is super friggin' awesome! It's the best thing ever. Of course, he is going for "husband of the year" award or something. He came out to OP and did game night with my family on Saturday night and the only thing he grumbled about at all was the bed. The bed hurts his back. I DID give him a massage the next morning to make up for it - in case you think he is an angel and I am just a jerk. 

Anyways, game night was a blast. My sister is an adorable host and came up with lots of cute ideas...

This is Mike playing Guesstures...

My sister had all sorts of snacks, including a "twister board" made of macaroons.

My cousin Des and her boyfriend Andy played a game (sort of like Password) that my sister made up.

And of course we played Telestrations which is our new favorite game EVER!

My sister had all sorts of cute signage up, which I will of course steal if I ever have a game night at my house.

But back to the whole marriage thing... you can tell me that it is because we have only been married six months, but it is great.  Really, really great. When I was little and still had these naive dreams about getting married, I never even thought it would be this great.

Hey, guess what, not to totally change the subject or anything, but I can totally see the Hancock building out my window. I never realized that during the day time but at night it is all lit up and I can see it. Learn something new every darn day.

I've had two glasses of wine tonight, and since I have not been drinking very much at all lately, my tolerance must have gone down because I feel very "happy" off of two glasses of wine.

Did you know that some people edit their blog posts? As you can tell, I don't do that. I get drunk and I ramble, and if you don't like it, well, you should send my five dollars. Huh? That's right, you should send me five dollars, and I will put that towards writing classes and eventually I will write better blog entries. But until then, shut the heck up. Cuz at least I'm writing.

So, going back to the photos above. Do you know what is fun? Hipstomatic. Which is an app I use on my iphone to take artsy looking photos. Same sort of thing as Instagram. Anywho... I was walking along the other day and I had my phone out and Hipstomatic up and thus was sort of looking at the world (via my phone) through Hipstomatic and it makes the world look really nice. I guess you could say they are my "rose colored glasses" but there was an article about hotels the other day where they showed pictures from the website versus pictures from real people that went there and basically what I got out of the article is that there are some amazing photographers out there who can make even a dump look inviting. And so basically two people can look at the same thing and see two totally different things.

Looking at things with a "photographer's eye" is fun. The other day it was super cold and I was waiting for the bus. Which is sort of a miserable experience. But then I saw this sign, and took a picture using Hipstomatic. Now my wait for the bus looks "artsy" instead of "miserable." See how this app is changing my life?

Or take a look at the bloody marys we made at brunch a few weeks ago. One picture is from my regular iphone camera and the other is from Hipstomatic. Both are awesome, mind you, but the one on top says "party" way more than the other one.

Did I mention that my husband is awesome? And a chef? Marry a chef! A retired chef. That is the best advice I can give young girls out there. He made me "grilled cheese" last night because that is what I asked for. And really he made me an open faced crostini with gouda and blue cheese (cuz that is what we had in the house) and he told me there was a surprise and it turned out there was also a slice of potato under the cheese but on top of the bread.

Okay, enough rambling for one evening. I posted my weekly blog update. Time for bed. Good night all!

is Chicago making me mean?

I was thinking today about how different I would be if I lived in a small town. There are lots of things I love about living in the city. Mainly the theater, restaurants, museums and transportation.

But what am I giving up to live in the city?

I don't know my neighbors. At all. Okay, I'm at a "chit chat small talk" level with the guy next door and with our landlord. But the other people on the block? Complete strangers.

I'm completely surrounded by strangers all the time. On the bus. At the gym. Walking down the street.

And my city, as much as I love it, is NOT safe. And so I am constantly on guard. I have my defenses up. I avoid eye contact and try to keep a low profile. Cuz you never know who is going to be a crazy.

I'm already an introvert so it takes me a while to open up to people but living in the city I am just starting to feel super cold. I connect to my friends and family through emails and facebook and the phone, but I'm not connected to the people who are all around me on a day to day basis.

It would be interesting to see how I would change living in a small town.

Do you think where you live changes who you are and how you act?