I can see!!!

On Friday night I had LASIK surgery. I kept waiting to get nervous. I mean, for Christ's sake, they are taking a laser to my eye ball, that's something to get nervous about, right? But it just didn't happen. I was excited. Giddy. A little worried that at the last minute they would sorry, but you aren't a good candidate. But I never really got nervous.

After they gave me another eye exam (they are unbelievably thorough) and made me watch another video (of what to expect and frequently asked questions) they took me back into the doctor's office where I finally met the doctor who was to perform my surgery. The most interesting things that he told me was that if I wash my hands but then don't thoroughly dry them afterwards it doesn't really count as washing them. Also I am not allowed to wear any make-up for a week. This has really cut down on my time getting ready in the mornings. I mean, I only ever spent about ten minutes getting ready in the first place, but now that I don't have to put in contacts or put on make-up, it takes no time at all.

He told me that in a week from now when I do start wearing eye make-up again, I have to wear all new make-up. To avoid infections. It is just more sanitary. In a month I can go back to my old make-up.

And then they took me into the room with the "laser." They make me lay down on a little bed and then they handed me a stuffed teddy bear to hold on to. That was such a good idea. I wasn't freaking out, but just having that teddy bear to hold on to really helped me stay calm. I asked if they always had the teddy bear or if after doing a bunch of these surgeries they finally figured out that people needed something to hold. They have always had it. They laughed about the big, macho tough guys who grasp onto it for dear life. They also have a stuffed sheep but it is much less popular.

At one point the doctor said to me, "Don't worry, your eye isn't burning." Which I thought was an odd thing to say because I wasn't worried that my eye was burning. It hadn't even occured to me. Sort of like if you went up to someone on the street and said, "Don't worry, your hair's not on fire." But then a few seconds later I started to smell the burning smell that was coming from the laser. It turns out it was a good thing he told me that it wasn't coming from me, because that is not the smell you want to smell when you are taking a laser to your eye ball.

The entire procedure lasted less than five minutes. They don't give you any real medication but they put a lot of numbing drops in your eyes. It's weird to have somebody touching your eyes and you can't even feel it. The part that I was worried about the most was where they put something directly on your eye to keep the eye open and stop it from moving around and your vision fades out for a few seconds.

I was worried that I was going to panic and jump out of the chair, yelling, "I'm blind! I'm blind!"

I didn't.

In fact, it didn't even bother me. And the thing that they put on my eye wasn't scary either. I was picturing some big suction cup or a vacuum attached to my eye. I didn't even really see what it was but it wasn't a big deal.

Then they have you stare into a blinking red light for 40 seconds on each eye. And then you are pretty much done.

Maybe it was easier for me because I have been putting contacts in my eyes for the last 16 years so I am used to poking myself in the eye and having stuff in my eyes doesn't bother me. Maybe it was easier for me because without my glasses on I am practically completely blind so I couldn't really see what they were doing during the surgery. But it was a piece of cake.

My vision was a little blurry afterwards but right away I could read the clock that was on the wall. That's insane. Without my glasses I would have guessed that the round blob on the wall was PROBABLY a clock, but I couldn't have told you for sure.

That night they tell you to go straight to bed because the next four hours are the worst. There is no sharp pain, but there was a dull pain behind my eyes as though I was starting to get a headache. I went home, took some Advil, put in some eye drops, donned my awesome goggles that I have to wear while showering and sleeping for the next week and went to sleep. Sure enough, when I woke up around midnight, the pain was gone.

My eyes are a little bit dry, which is to be expected while I recover, but not painfully so and eye drops take care of that. The worst part, in my opinion, is the steroids drops I have to put in my eyes that actually leave a gross, metallic taste in the back of my mouth. But even that is tolerable, just a little unpleasant and I only have to take them for four more days.

I woke up the morning after my surgery and looked around and started to cry. Sure, I could see my clock without having to put on glasses. That was great. But that wasn't why I was crying. I was crying because my vision is amazing. I never saw this well with glasses. It is like a whole new world. I suspected that people could see this well, but didn't believe that I would ever be able to. For the past few years my vision has deteriorated and I was having trouble seeing stuff like street signs. I'd go to the doctor thinking that I needed a new prescription and they'd say my prescription was fine. WTF?? I am guessing the problem was my astigmastism, which also got corrected with the surgery.

It is amazing. I wish I did this years ago. I can see!!! You silly people with your awesome vision have no idea how amazing this is. It seriously is a miracle. If Jesus really existed and cured people's blindness, I can understand why they would follow him around and worship him.

I just can't stop looking at stuff. In the car with my sister I would point out signs and tell her what they said. She was like, "Uh-huh, I know."

I'm sitting here doing my little happy dance in my chair because I am just that excited. This rocks!

And I just checked one thing off of my "to do before I die" list. Go me!

vicious attack!

On Saturday morning I was attacked. And now I feel so violated.

That's right, I was just minding my own business when I heard some weird clicking noises coming from my computer. I went to check it out, just to see someone opening up a bunch of windows on my computer. They'd open them, I would shut them. I would try to shut down, they would stop me. It was a tug-o'-war over the cursor. I eventually won and shut down my computer.

Unfortunately, the battle didn't end there. I can't get rid of the bad stuff on my computer because I need my password to do that and I can't type my password because my keyboard isn't working. Sigh! Does my keyboard just happen to not be working? Or is my keyboard not working because they somehow disabled it?

And why do mean people hack computers anyways?

I can't remember who it was, maybe John Updike, but a famous author said that he only writes his novels on a computer that does not have any sort of internet access so that nobody can get in and hack it. He has a totally different computer for internet. Some people might think he is paranoid. I think he is smart.

what I learned today...

I went to the Field Museum today. I love that place. Situated right on the lake with a gorgeous view of the skyline. Filled with dinosaur bones and mummies, it never fails to delight. I was a little appalled by the wild children running amok, crossing barriers and pawing the displays while their parents did nothing to stop them, but that's neither here nor there.

I saw two exhibits today, one about water and the other a photo exhibit about Freedom rides and overcoming segregation. That was more than enough for one day. The joy of being a member is you don't have to try and see the whole museum in one visit!

There is always way more information than I can process at one time but I did come away with two interesting new tidbits of information.

1) In Africa, where they don't have normal pipes and plumbing like we do, they've come up with this really awesome thing called a Play Pump to get clean water into their pipes.

Basically it is a merry-go-round type ride, in some ways similar to the really dangerous, metal round things that spun on the playground that we had as kids that would inevitably start spinning way too fast and you had to hold on for dear life or the centrifugal force would send you sailing onto the concrete. Theirs are more elevated, but the kids play on them and as they spin it round and round the force generated brings up water and pumps it into a water tank high about the ground. It's frickin' brilliant!

Check it out: www.playpumps.org

2) Snow is formed when water goes from a gas form to a solid form, skipping the liquid form.

Who knew?

To Insure Prompt Service

I've figured it out. I know how to make the workforce in America both more productive AND happier.

Give them tips!

Not tips as in advice, but actual money.

There is never a day when I don't give 100% at my job. How many people can say that? But the amount of money I make is directly related to the quality of work I do. I work entirely on commission which means that I only make money when I am giving massages, so I try to make every client love their treatment so that they will come back. The other reason I work so hard is because the better I am, the more the client enjoys the massage, the bigger the tip I'll get.

There is something immensely satisfying about going to the tip jar at the end of the day and getting cash money for the work that you did.

Now I know that people get bonuses in their paychecks and things, and that IS a good incentive, but I still think tips are better.

Can you imagine? "That was a great report you typed up, here's $20!" Or "thanks for sending out that email, here's $5." If we gave people slightly lower base salaries and then rewarded them with cash tips for doing good work, well I doubt people would spend so much time on Facebook or on the phone when they were supposed to be working!

Giving tips is giving positive, immediate feedback. People will feel like the work they do does matter and that will make them happier. Plus having a pocketful of cash will also make them happier.

question

Do you think animals ever think to themselves, "Man, I'm so out of shape!"?

drug use

I was looking at my dad's University of Chicago quarterly magazine. The cover story was about a guy who used to be a heroine addict and now is really big into shadow boxing. Wow, what a touching, great story!

It makes me want to become a drug addict. Ya know why? Because then no matter what you do, you really seem like you are doing great.

If you look at my life right now, it doesn't seem that special. But if I had been a hardcore drug addict before- you would be looking at my life saying, "Good for her! She's got a steady job, she pays all her bills, she's in great shape, she's not living in the gutter, she doesn't have any children out of wedlock. She really has got her act together."

So yeah for me! And yeah for you! You are doing a great job.

There is a store by my work that has the cutest little framed sign. It has a little random cartoon character and he is saying, "You are doing everything right."

We need to be told that every now and then.

When we are little we get applauded all the time. Yeah, you didn't wet the bed! Yeah, you put on your own clothes! Yeah, you tied your shoes!

Nowadays we only get applauded for really big things like raises and giving birth to children. What about the fact that you made it through a whole day without punching your boss, even though they REALLY deserved it? That should be applauded.

What about when you limit yourself to two cookies even though you want to eat the whole box? That should DEFINITELY be applauded.

***

I'm in the midst of reading 'Tis by Frank McCourt. It is the sequel to Angela's Ashes. I don't really like it but there was one paragraph that caught my attention today. He was talking about going to college and being surrounded by the other students, who unlike him don't have to work the night shift to put themselves through school:

When they're not talking about their averages the students argue about the meaning of everything, life, the existence of God, the terrible state of the world, and you never know when someone is going to drop in the one word that gives everyone the deep serious look, existentialism. They might talk about how they want to be doctors and lawyers till one throws up his hands and declares everything is meaningless, that the only person in the world who makes any sense is Albert Camus who says your most important act every day is deciding not to commit suicide.

For most of us, that's not even a decision we have to consciously make. For some people it is. But I would have to agree- that is the most important act we make. And I applaud you for it.

woke with the strangest feeling

I woke up this morning and had the strangest feeling. I realized that I actually really like my body. I felt good. I looked in the mirror and liked what I saw. When does that happen?

Granted, it could be because I am comparing it to the body that I had three weeks ago before I started my hardcore workout regime. Though I haven't lost much weight, I have definitely lost a couple of inches.

It just seems weird to admit that I like my body. My first thought is that it seems like a vain thing to say. But ya know what? It's not vain... it's healthy! Feminists have for years been trying to combat the negativity that we are bombarded with by the media. Teaching us to love our bodies.

Well ya know what? It's working. I love my body. I love that it does what I tell it to. I love that I can rollerblade for miles every day. I love that I can feel my muscles flexing under my skin. I love my curves. I love the softness of my skin.

Sure, I'd still like to drop some weight, mainly so I could fit back into all my pants! I currently can only fit into one pair of jeans. These are the jeans that I finally went out and bought a few months ago. I didn't want to buy them because they were size 12. But they fit. And as my sister and I were just discussing... only you ever see the size label on your clothes. So suck it up and buy clothes that actually fit you. You'll look a lot better in the 12's than trying to squeeze your ass into those 8's.

In my job we learn to treat every person and every body with "unconditional positive regard." Really it should be "unconditional love" but "positive regard" was more P.C.

I can see the beauty is everyone else's body, so why not my own? Would you ever tell your friend that her thighs were too fat? Do you not like your friend because her under arms sag?

It is time to treat yourself like you would treat your friends. Love yourself for who you are.

Sure, there are always going to be things you want to improve about yourself, but that doesn't mean that you can't love yourself for who you are right now.

***

On a side note, my blogs have been annoying lately. Well, they've been annoying me lately anyways with their chirpy optimism and promises of change and improvement and blah, blah, blah. I've got to move away from that crap. But I was really happy this morning and realized how rare that is so wanted to share.