When I was growing up one of my favorite books was Megan The Klutz. It was about a girl who was extremely clumsy but who still managed to win a beauty pageant. I don't remember what the beauty pageant had to do with anything but still the book really resonated with me because I am extremely clumsy.
Seriously.
It's embarrassing. In college my best friend would count the number of times that I fell during a soccer game. Not the number of times that I collided with another player. No, I would be all by myself and would just fall over.
It's sort of the story of my life. When I was little we ate dinner together as a family every night, or practically every night. One of my chores was to set the table. I would start by putting out the place mats. My older sister Sam wanted to know why we had to use place mats and couldn't have a tablecloth like her best friend's family used. My parents had to explain to her that it was easier to wash place mats and that I spilled too much stuff to use a tablecloth. My family actually cheered me when I made it through an entire meal without spilling something. This wasn't until I was about nine years old.
Today I sliced my thumb open while doing dishes when a steak knife slipped. Yeah. Can you say ouch?!? I immediately started sucking my thumb- a) to stop the bleeding and b) to stop myself from screaming.
Then I remembered hearing that you have more bacteria in your mouth than any other place in your body so was sucking my open wound really a good idea?? I decided that I didn't care. Plus, sucking my thumb felt really nice. I understand why little kids do it.
Thankfully my boss was able to rearrange the schedule so that I don't have to come in to work today. I use my thumb a lot during massages, plus I didn't want to bleed on clients (that is frowned upon) nor did I want to get oil in my open wound.
What I've realized is that I really use my right thumb for pretty much everything that I do. Thankfully you don't really need it for typing though!
The cut doesn't look like much so when my boss sees it on Thursday she will think I am full of it but it was super scary when it happened. My hands are my livelihood- I can't afford to have something happen to them. I can't afford to be a clutz. So I think I have to options- either stop being a clutz or just stop washing the dishes!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
tarot card reading
One of the things I did on my birthday was to go get a tarot card reading. I don't fully believe in them, but I don't fully disbelieve in them either. I believe there are people out there who are clairvoyant and have actual psychic abilities. The woman I saw was not one of them.
I wouldn't normally be willing to spend the money on getting a tarot card reading but it was my birthday so all caution was thrown to the wind.
The real reason we went was to see the guy who had read our palms before. His name was John and he had an aura sac. What is an aura sac? It's the nice term we have given to the huge fold of skin that goes from his belly button down to his knees! As you can imagine, it is hard to find clothes to handle that so his outfits are pretty interesting. And he smells bad, I don't think he is washing underneath that thing! It's possible that he lost a lot of weight, like maybe he used to be 500 pounds and now is only 300, and so has some extra skin. It's possible that he just has ginormous balls. We really don't know what it is, all we know is that it is really hard not to stare at it especially when your other choices are staring at his blackened teeth and fingernails.
But John is the kind of person that you WANT to tell your fortune, not the normal girl we had on my birthday. What's the fun in that? Normal = blah!
She didn't tell me anything very insightful. The one thing that she repeated about six times was that my lovelife sucks. Thanks. I got the point.
She said, "Money, career, family, that stuff's all fine, ah! but your love life... this is no good. Money will rise and fall but you will never starve. But this love life is terrible. This is not how it is supposed to be. You are bitter. Something happened in your past relationships that has made you bitter. And you have missed out on things that you were supposed to have now."
She also said a bunch of stuff that didn't really apply to me. Plus some generic stuff like, "You are worried about someone." Really?
It's a fun thing to do every now and then but I am not going to plan my life around what they say.
I wouldn't normally be willing to spend the money on getting a tarot card reading but it was my birthday so all caution was thrown to the wind.
The real reason we went was to see the guy who had read our palms before. His name was John and he had an aura sac. What is an aura sac? It's the nice term we have given to the huge fold of skin that goes from his belly button down to his knees! As you can imagine, it is hard to find clothes to handle that so his outfits are pretty interesting. And he smells bad, I don't think he is washing underneath that thing! It's possible that he lost a lot of weight, like maybe he used to be 500 pounds and now is only 300, and so has some extra skin. It's possible that he just has ginormous balls. We really don't know what it is, all we know is that it is really hard not to stare at it especially when your other choices are staring at his blackened teeth and fingernails.
But John is the kind of person that you WANT to tell your fortune, not the normal girl we had on my birthday. What's the fun in that? Normal = blah!
She didn't tell me anything very insightful. The one thing that she repeated about six times was that my lovelife sucks. Thanks. I got the point.
She said, "Money, career, family, that stuff's all fine, ah! but your love life... this is no good. Money will rise and fall but you will never starve. But this love life is terrible. This is not how it is supposed to be. You are bitter. Something happened in your past relationships that has made you bitter. And you have missed out on things that you were supposed to have now."
She also said a bunch of stuff that didn't really apply to me. Plus some generic stuff like, "You are worried about someone." Really?
It's a fun thing to do every now and then but I am not going to plan my life around what they say.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
birthday moment
One of my favorite birthday moments yesterday was when my mom called me and left a message on my voicemail.
She told me that she was at my sister's house, re-wallpapering the front entry way and she follows this up by saying, "So I guess you could say that I'm 'laboring' on your birthday again!"
Ba-dum-dum!
I also am going to take this time to point out that each successive childbirth does not necessarily get easier. I was my mother's sixth child and I was the most difficult birth she had! That was because I was head first, but facing the wrong way. Sorry, Mama!
She told me that she was at my sister's house, re-wallpapering the front entry way and she follows this up by saying, "So I guess you could say that I'm 'laboring' on your birthday again!"
Ba-dum-dum!
I also am going to take this time to point out that each successive childbirth does not necessarily get easier. I was my mother's sixth child and I was the most difficult birth she had! That was because I was head first, but facing the wrong way. Sorry, Mama!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
happy birthday to me
So this is what it feels like to be thirty...
... it feels pretty awesome if I do say so myself.
I still remember when I turned 13 years old. I remember being excited that I was officially a teenager and I remember looking in the mirror that day to see if I looked any different. Nope.
And my thirty-year-old self looks just like my twenty-nine-year-old self. Which is fine with me. I would kind of have hated to wake up and suddenly looked a lot older, ya know?
I expected to be upset about turning 30. I remember back when I was 23 and I had all these things that I wanted to accomplish before I was 30. I didn't accomplish all that many of them. Oh well. I think that is part of growing up- you realize that your life path changes and you don't have to get worked up and upset because your dreams have changed. That's how life works.
So what have I learned in the last 30 years?
I've learned that:
1) red wine goes with everything
2) so does chocolate
3) a few really good friends are worth more than a hundred artificial friends
4) you should dance for at least five minutes every day
5) everyone has their own path to take and you can't choose it for them
6) 20/20 vision is so worth a couple of thousand dollars
7) dogs are better than cats
8) releasing the pectoral muscles and psoas will cure your back pain
9) listening to rap music makes me angry (not at the music, but it just brings out my violent tendencies)
10) we all make mistakes
11) energy work is really powerful stuff and is not some hippie nonsense
12) things are going to change. nothing stays the same. so if it is bad, just keep going, cuz it can't be bad forever
13) you have no idea what is going on in other people's heads- for example, I thought this member at the gym where I worked really didn't like me (he was rather grumpy) and then on my last day of work there (he didn't know it was my last day) he made a comment to me about how I was the best employee there and how he always looks forward to my smiling face because it is a good way to start his day
14) holding a grudge will make you miserable
15) drinking lots of water is the best way for me to avoid being sick
16) it's a lot easier just to tell the truth
17) my parents were right about a lot of things
18) I shouldn't drink caffeine after 2 PM or I will be up all night
19) it is worth being the annoying person who is taking pictures all the time, to have those pictures later
20) I should always trust my gut
21) you shouldn't feel bad if you set goals for yourself, like coming up with 30 things that you have learned in the last 30 years, and then give up at 21. that's okay. it's not going to affect your life negatively
... it feels pretty awesome if I do say so myself.
I still remember when I turned 13 years old. I remember being excited that I was officially a teenager and I remember looking in the mirror that day to see if I looked any different. Nope.
And my thirty-year-old self looks just like my twenty-nine-year-old self. Which is fine with me. I would kind of have hated to wake up and suddenly looked a lot older, ya know?
I expected to be upset about turning 30. I remember back when I was 23 and I had all these things that I wanted to accomplish before I was 30. I didn't accomplish all that many of them. Oh well. I think that is part of growing up- you realize that your life path changes and you don't have to get worked up and upset because your dreams have changed. That's how life works.
So what have I learned in the last 30 years?
I've learned that:
1) red wine goes with everything
2) so does chocolate
3) a few really good friends are worth more than a hundred artificial friends
4) you should dance for at least five minutes every day
5) everyone has their own path to take and you can't choose it for them
6) 20/20 vision is so worth a couple of thousand dollars
7) dogs are better than cats
8) releasing the pectoral muscles and psoas will cure your back pain
9) listening to rap music makes me angry (not at the music, but it just brings out my violent tendencies)
10) we all make mistakes
11) energy work is really powerful stuff and is not some hippie nonsense
12) things are going to change. nothing stays the same. so if it is bad, just keep going, cuz it can't be bad forever
13) you have no idea what is going on in other people's heads- for example, I thought this member at the gym where I worked really didn't like me (he was rather grumpy) and then on my last day of work there (he didn't know it was my last day) he made a comment to me about how I was the best employee there and how he always looks forward to my smiling face because it is a good way to start his day
14) holding a grudge will make you miserable
15) drinking lots of water is the best way for me to avoid being sick
16) it's a lot easier just to tell the truth
17) my parents were right about a lot of things
18) I shouldn't drink caffeine after 2 PM or I will be up all night
19) it is worth being the annoying person who is taking pictures all the time, to have those pictures later
20) I should always trust my gut
21) you shouldn't feel bad if you set goals for yourself, like coming up with 30 things that you have learned in the last 30 years, and then give up at 21. that's okay. it's not going to affect your life negatively
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
note to self
Eating all the brownies in the house so that there will no longer be any brownies in the house to tempt me is not really an effective dieting strategy.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
magic
So, I guess it is about time that I let you guys know this... I'm magic. I've always had an inkling that I had some magic abilities but this weekend I proved it.
On Friday I was talking to my boss Jenny G. and she asked me where my client Tracy was. Normally I work on Tracy every Sunday but she hadn't been in to the spa for over a month. We discussed it for a few minutes and then I left. Jenny called me an hour later to tell me that Tracy had just called to schedule an appointment!
So yesterday I was joking around with Jenny that we obviously need to just concentrate really hard on a person and that will get them to call up and schedule a massage. So we were talking about some of my regular clients that I hadn't seen in a while.
So Jenny asked who we should concentrate on, I told her that we should concentrate on Sarah from England and Jennifer the yoga instructor.
So I walked into work today and looked at my schedule. Guess who randomly called this morning and booked an appointment? That's right- Jennifer the yoga instructor.
Bam! I'm tellin' ya, I'm magic!
On Friday I was talking to my boss Jenny G. and she asked me where my client Tracy was. Normally I work on Tracy every Sunday but she hadn't been in to the spa for over a month. We discussed it for a few minutes and then I left. Jenny called me an hour later to tell me that Tracy had just called to schedule an appointment!
So yesterday I was joking around with Jenny that we obviously need to just concentrate really hard on a person and that will get them to call up and schedule a massage. So we were talking about some of my regular clients that I hadn't seen in a while.
So Jenny asked who we should concentrate on, I told her that we should concentrate on Sarah from England and Jennifer the yoga instructor.
So I walked into work today and looked at my schedule. Guess who randomly called this morning and booked an appointment? That's right- Jennifer the yoga instructor.
Bam! I'm tellin' ya, I'm magic!
Friday, September 18, 2009
new word
Do you know what I love about the el? It keeps me feeling young and hip, like I really have my finger on the pulse of street culture.
A boy, who I am guessing was in his late teens or early twenties got on the el with me today and sat kiddie-corner behind me (or caddy-corner for all you weirdos!) and proceeded to have a phone conversation which was basically setting up a drug deal between him and "Fudge." "Fudge" is not pronounced just like the chocolate dessert, you have to make your voice deeper and draw out the "uh" as in "Fuuuuuuudge."
Anyways, when he was done with his conversation he said, "Excuse me?" And since I was the only person remotely near him, I looked over to see what he wanted. He continued, "Now, I don't want you to take this the wrong way... but girrrl, you are thick."
I'd like to convince myself that this was just a slang word for pretty but judging by the look he gave me I'm guessing he actually meant thick. As in, you have thighs as thick as tree trunks.
Why would a girl take that the wrong way? Let's just say that after the look I gave him, he did not try talking to me anymore.
A boy, who I am guessing was in his late teens or early twenties got on the el with me today and sat kiddie-corner behind me (or caddy-corner for all you weirdos!) and proceeded to have a phone conversation which was basically setting up a drug deal between him and "Fudge." "Fudge" is not pronounced just like the chocolate dessert, you have to make your voice deeper and draw out the "uh" as in "Fuuuuuuudge."
Anyways, when he was done with his conversation he said, "Excuse me?" And since I was the only person remotely near him, I looked over to see what he wanted. He continued, "Now, I don't want you to take this the wrong way... but girrrl, you are thick."
I'd like to convince myself that this was just a slang word for pretty but judging by the look he gave me I'm guessing he actually meant thick. As in, you have thighs as thick as tree trunks.
Why would a girl take that the wrong way? Let's just say that after the look I gave him, he did not try talking to me anymore.
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