I had two things happen yesterday that made me think about giving. The first was a conversation with my coworker who has a really cheap friend. She babysits for this friend but is always worried about how the friend will react to things. For example, if there was just a smidge of orange juice left, she would always ask before drinking it instead of just drinking it. The husband when she asked said, "Of course, just drink it, you don't have to ask." But she knew that the wife/her friend might very well care. My coworker just upgraded to a new bagless vacuum and gave them her old (which is still relatively new) one with extra bags because they were in need of one. They then went to a movie later that day where parking was $5 and her friend asked if she had the $2.50 in cash to pay for my coworker's half. She said she didn't have cash on her and her friend said, "That's okay, I know you're good for it." My coworker replied, "Seeing as how I just gave you a vacuum, I think we can call it even."
Now you can nitpick about points in this story, like the fact that if her friend drove and was therefore paying for gas, that my coworker should pay for the parking. And there are always going to be people who don't contribute whether because they are cheap or because they are struggling financially.
But I think when you start looking at being even and who owes who what, it is a recipe for disaster. This goes for money but also for time and help.
Since not that many people read this blog, I think I am safe from copyright laws and it is okay for my to go ahead and steal some paragraphs out of Steve Chandler's book "50 Ways to Create Great Relationships" about being a servant.
When the serving of others is done in a happy spirit, relationships blossom immediately.
However, when service is performed in the mood of self-sacrifice, the service is wasted. Anything we do out of a sense of obligation is not a gift at all. We're better off not even doing it.
Obligation does not build relationships, it wears them out.
How do you like it when you realize that someone who has done something for you did it out of a sense of obligation?
If I've enjoyed a wonderful romantic evening with my wife and tell her so the next morning, how would I feel if she turned to me and said, "Oh, I did it because I felt obligated. It was my duty."
Obligation does not create great relationships. Voluntary and creative service does.
Serve someone else's purpose. Find out when another person needs and provide it. Just for the fun of it.
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Service of others has gotten a weird reputation these days. We seem to have lost the fun and spontaneity that can be associated with it. Somehow we now associate it with dreary servitude and shuffling around- a kind of subtle inferiority.
In truth, when service is provided with the right spirit, it's a pure joy. The endless energy and spirit that my friend Steve shows is proof enough for me. I never see him happier than when he's helping someone out.
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Service is the opposite of inferiority to another person because in service the other person can't touch you. You are so high above your emotional center, you can't be intimidated. When your focus is on service, you are in the most spirited part of your being and it gives you the feeling of having wings.
People used to ask Mother Teresa how she found the inner strength to live such a life of self-sacrifice. All of her selfless service to the poor seemed so unimaginable to the journalists who interviewed her. However, as she often said in her interviews, "If people knew how much joy I was experiencing, they wouldn't consider this to be a sacrifice."
People who serve are way beyond the opinion of others. They are not worried about what other people think of them. They are too busy serving. And, as my mother used to annoy me by saying, "Busy hands are happy hands."As part of my cleanse this week, I've been trying to implement this more in my life and I will say, it really works. Most of the things that I have been doing are little and don't cost me a thing: sending ecards, washing other people's dirty dishes in the break room sink, sitting and talking to a coworker who usually drives me a little nuts, replacing Mike's burnt out lightbulb, helping my mom unpack boxes. And even the ones that did cost me money like buying a new clock for the break room, were completely worth the small price.
And as if I needed more proof of this, I had my favorite client Tilney last night. She is a giver. What she gives off is energy and happiness. The whole spa cheers up when we know that she is coming in. My boss leaned her head out of her office on Thursday and said, "Guess who is coming in on Sunday to see you, Nikki? TILNEY!!!"
I want to be a person who has an effect on people like that.
After my massage with her I was in a great mood and ran into Nina in the break room. Nina had worked on her a few months ago and had said to me then, "Nikki, I just worked on one of your regular clients, Tilney. She is amazing." So I told Nina that Tilney had just come in and did she remember her. And Nina said, "Of course I remember her. I still have the tip envelope she made for me up on my fridge." Tilney instead of just filling out the To and From on the tip envelope, likes to embellish it and write things like "Goddess Nikki" and "statues should be erected in your honor" and things like that. More important than the money, I look forward to seeing what she writes on the envelope.
So as I was leaving yesterday I asked at the front desk if I had any tips and Justine said, "Just the cutest tip ever!" with a huge grin and hands me the envelope from Tilney.
It just a little piece of old ribbon but I couldn't stop smiling on my way home.
I'm going to try to give some smiles and spread some sunshine this month.
Love you!
