why do you read?

Do you read for pleasure or to learn something? Of course, you could argue that it is a pleasure to learn something. 

Everyone in my family reads a lot. It's almost an addiction. A friend from grade school still teases me to this day about the time she invited me over to go swimming and I declined, saying, "Sorry, but I'm in the middle of a really good book." Everyone in my family reads different sorts of books. My mom reads murder mysteries, my sister (along with other things) reads romance novels, my brother reads thrillers, my dad reads more scientific or factual things and the odd book on math theory. I read everything. I try to read one non-fiction book for every two fiction books that I read. 

So is one type of book better than another? I say yes. I read science fiction. I read Harry Potter. I read current best sellers. I read 18th century French novels. (I have a lot of time on my hands.) But I find I don't have much to say to people after immersing myself in a sci-fi book for a week. I count recount the plot of the book but nobody really cares. However, I can now tell you everything that I am learning about the mob in Cuba in the 1950s (from the non-fiction book I am reading) and you might actually be interested. It makes me a more intelligent and more interesting person. 

So are fiction books totally worthless? What do we get from them? I think they can influence the way we think and feel. They can stir up emotions. They can teach us about morals. I think I learned more about morals by reading Louisa May Alcott books than I did going to Catholic school. 

Plus they can take us away. We escape into a different world filled with different characters and plots and that lets us forget about our own problems for a while. I would have to say that reading a book is a much better way to get away from our problems than say, drinking alcohol or doing drugs. 

And fiction books are enjoyable. There's a lot to be said for that. Some of the non-fiction books that I read are enjoyable. But others read like school textbooks and I read them solely to get information out of them. 

Where does the news fall in all this? Do you read the news every day? I try to. I definitely don't read it as much as I should and I don't read as many sources as I should. Hmm, the word "should" keeps popping up. Nobody is going to say that you "should" read 18th century French literature, but they will say that you "should" read the daily paper. Is reading about another murder that happened in Chicago going to really benefit me? Maybe as it warns me that I should probably avoid that area and informs me of a growing crime/gang problem in Chicago. Mostly it is just going to depress me. 

When my mom was struggling and emotionally distraught when she was going through cancer, her doctor suggested that she stop watching the news. Would we be a happier and more optimistic nation if we stopped watching the news? Or would we just be an ignorant nation? And why do only negative things seem to get deemed noteworthy enough to mention in the news? If there ever actually is a happy story in the news people will make comments like, "oh, it must be a slow news day!" Must it be? Must we only focus on the negatives? 

When my sister was in the hospital I would look up news stories every morning to entertain her with and to help her keep current. Sick of all the negativity, I would occasionally turn to happynews.com to hear about something positive every once in a while. 

The reading I do falls into different categories. The things that I feel I should read, need to read, want to read to improve myself and things that I enjoy reading. Why do you read?

internet dating

We all know people who have found their significant other via an online dating website. The sites really work. Yet, there is still a bit of a stigma to them that only desperate losers go on them. Totally not true. I know many friends who have done or are currently doing online dating. So the question I am asking myself is do I want to do it?

I was taking a look at match.com today to see what was out there. They let you search profiles for free. You just have to pay if you want to contact someone. The catch is that you have to create a profile to be able to search. And you have to write at least 200 characters about yourself and what you are looking for. They won't let you leave it blank. They obviously know what they are doing with this because otherwise everyone would leave it blank!

You can also add profiles of guys that you like to "your favorites" list so that you can find them again easily. I did this to a few profiles that I liked, not realizing that when you do that it sends a notice to the person telling them that you added them to your favorites list! Doh! 

So the question that I was dealing with today is what on earth do you write about yourself in a personal ad? Should you be completely honest? Do I admit that I wear jeans and t-shirts pretty much every single day so that I can find a guy who is down with that? Or do I omit it for fear of scaring off a guy that would potentially be a great match and who probably wouldn't care about that once he got to know me? Do you totally talk yourself up? Or should you be more realistic? Do you write the basic (a.k.a. boring) profile or do you try and make yourself stand out? 

I decided to start off my profile with the sentence "I like to skydive naked." I figured if nothing else it would grab their attention. 

So as I am doing this... just minding my own business... I received an email. But they won't let you see the email unless you sign up. They won't even let you see who it is from. What can I say, curiosity got the better of me so I signed up for a one month subscription. The email was from one of the guys that I had put in my favorites list. Now I have to decide what to do. Do I write him back? Do I ignore it? Do I write him back and explain to him that he seems really nice but I don't really want to date right now (even though I am searching on match.com but it is just for my own amusement)?

It's an interesting idea to date someone based on a list of facts (hair and eye color, smoking and drinking habits, etc) and what they write about themselves.  I don't know that I would have dated any of my ex boyfriends based on their profiles. Then again, I'm no longer with any of those boys so maybe there is some merit to it. 

what celebrity are you?

I don't think I know a single girl who doesn't love gossip magazines. Rich women and poor women alike enjoy the mindless entertainment that it provides. My coworkers scramble to be the first to read the new issues that come in. I'm not going to go into why we like them. Most of us admit that it is not something we are particularly proud of and often call it "our guilty pleasure." The fact is, we do like them and do read them. I can tell you way more about celebrity news than I would like to admit. 

Reading all of the celebrity gossip got me thinking about how glad I am to not be a celebrity. If all of the stupid things that I did and breakdowns that I had got caught on tape I would end up being the next Brittany Spears. Okay, maybe I wouldn't be quite that bad. So who would I be? Which celebrity, according to what you see printed in Us Weekly, People, etc., are you the most like? Are you a hip urban mom like Gwen Stefani? Are you a flustered mother of twins who wishes the father would help out more like Jennifer Lopez? Are you a drama queen like Heidi Montag? 

I've decided that the celeb whose life seems most like mine is Drew Barrymore. Her wild days seem to be behind her. And she is mostly known for falling hard for boys but not having her relationships last more than a year or two. 

Who would you be? 

ridiculous person of the day #1

So a client comes in today for a ninety minute treatment. She is running a little late but that isn't the real problem, the problem is that she has her 10 year old daughter with her. Why? Her daughter wasn't feeling well (but don't worry, she wasn't vomiting and didn't have a fever, the mother assured us.) The daughter was on spring break and since she wasn't feeling well she just "wanted some mommy time." So the mom's brilliant solution? She would bring the daughter with and the girl could sit in the waiting area for about two hours while the mom got a massage. Seriously?! Wow, talk about quality time together! 

How many kids should you have?

How many kids should a person have? Is there a universal number that we can all agree on or should it be decided on a case by case basis? 

From what I've seen, two seems to be the magic number. Several of my friends and family already have two kids and have decided that they are done. They only want two kids?! When my best friend, for example, told me that she and her husband didn't plan on having any more kids, I was surprised. I'm not sure why I was surprised, I never pictured them with a brood of eight or anything. I guess part of me always envisioned having kids at the same time as my friends or as my siblings. Seeing our children grow up together. Throwing joint birthday parties for them. Vacations together at the lake. All that crap. So to hear that my friends are done having kids when I haven't even started sort of took me by surprise. Part of me is sad, obviously. Part of me is jealous that they have kids and I don't. But mainly I think it is cool that my kids will have older kids to look up to. And I do take some pleasure in knowing that I have lived a really fun life that I couldn't have lived if I already had kids, plus I can still experience all that. I still have so much to look forward to. Meeting the love of my life. Getting married. Getting pregnant. Having children. Hearing their first word. Seeing their first steps. That is all still ahead of me. Which is pretty cool. 

But back to the numbers issue. Why only two kids? There are obviously factors that go into this decision. A major one is definitely money. Kids are expensive. College tuitions are ridiculous (I don't even want to think about what they will be 25 years from now!) Most people (unless you are the Octo-Mom) want to make sure that they can afford to raise their children and to do so in a manner that lets them continue to live comfortably. Is it fair to bring children into this world if you can't afford to give them health care and food and shelter? I think almost everyone would agree that you shouldn't have kids if you couldn't afford that stuff. But what if you can cover that stuff but can't afford new soccer cleats and tuba lessons and books? These things aren't necessities, so how important are they?

Another factor to consider is overpopulation. I don't think you could ever tell people that they can't have children. There is just something built into our genes that makes us want to procreate. But should we do something like China where we limit the amount of children that a couple is allowed to have to just one or two? This policy does make sense. According to Wikipedia (I know, such a trustworthy source) "Chinese authorities thus consider the policy as a great success in helping to implement China's current economic growth. The reduction in the fertility rate and thus population growth has reduced the severity of problems that come with overpopulation, like epidemics, slums, overwhelmed social services (such as health, education, law enforcement), and strain on the ecosystem from abuse of fertile land and production of high volumes of waste."

I can not ever imagine them passing such a policy in the United States. However, is it our duty as intelligent, socially and environmentally conscious people to take it upon ourselves to limit the number of children we have to do our part to stop overpopulation? 

What about making the number of children you are allowed to have be based on merit? I'm not saying I agree with this, I'm just throwing it out there. Should super intelligent or super talented people be allowed to have more children to help improve the gene pool?

I think a subconscious factor is what we grew up with. I have often noticed that people who grew up in a family with two kids think that having two kids is the right number. Whereas, people who grew up in a family with three kids often think three is a good number. Maybe this isn't true, but I grew up in a family of six kids and I think six sounds like a pretty good number. I love being part of a huge family and want my kids to be able to experience that. 

Am I going to have six kids? Probably not, for the above stated reasons. So how many? I would never want to have an only child (though I do know a few who turned out alright! :) ) Two kids would be okay, but a lot of children that I have seen who only have one sibling (especially if it is a sibling of the same sex) tend to be overly competitive with their sibling. Three seems like a pretty good number. You have to take into consideration that you are going to mess up a lot with the first one, seeing as how you've never had a kid before. The second one gets easier (unless it is Ella!) and then you have got it down and can really enjoy it when you have the third. Ah, it's fun to just make random statements like that. Check back in with me again once I actually have kids and see if my tune has changed! 

These are some of the factors that will influence my decision to have kids. I am curious though, what other factors have influenced your decisions? Please do tell. 

newfound respect for strippers

Wow. All I can say is wow. I have never been to a strip joint. But I have seen footage here and there of strippers in action. And I never really was impressed by what they do but now I have to give them props.

I went to my first (and possibly last) pole dancing class tonight. The "gym" that offers the class is women only and in addition to having pole dancing classes they also have classes by the names of "basic boxing for babes", "chair striptease", "hip hop booty camp" and "salsalicious" to name a few. I expected (as an independent and educated woman) to be offended when I walked in. Instead I found it surprisingly welcoming and empowering. 

I think (though I have no actual evidence) that all women want to be able to pole dance. Not on stage for a group. But we want to feel sexy. We want to turn on our significant other. 

So why don't more women pole dance? Um, because it's pole dancing. A) we don't want to be seen as whores. And B) we don't want to be seen as whores. The way I would describe this all women gym would probably be "Curves for sluts." This really isn't an accurate description of the place at all. Most of the women in the place were your average work-a-day women who just wanted to try something fun and new- and who were getting a great workout in the process.

And let me tell you something... pole dancing is f'ing hard! I wanted to kick the instructor (all 100 pounds of her!) in the head. She made it seem so effortless. Floating around that pole like a butterfly. I did not float like a butterfly. I more or less mauled the pole like a drunken frat boy. 

For those of you who really know me, you know that I am athletic. I have been playing sports all of my life. But I am not particularly graceful. Okay, so "huge klutz" might be a more fitting description. And while I am good at a skill after I learn it, I don't pick up on things right away. It takes a few times. Case in point, I once joined a step aerobics class that had a bunch of regulars in it. The class went pretty fast and I had never done the routine before. I got the basic gist of it but messed up a time or two. I did okay... or so I thought. After class a mentally handicapped kid in the class came up to me and told me that he could give me some pointers if I wanted. Ouch! 

But back to the pole dancing... it is possible that after several more classes I might finally get the basics down. I might be able to spin around the pole without banging my knee or falling on my ass. Maybe. I believe that could actually happen. But to do it and actually look sexy? 

I am at a loss for words to describe how utterly not sexy I felt tonight. It didn't help that there was an advanced student on the pole behind me that was climbing the pole up to the ceiling and then doing the splits around the pole as she slid her way down. Nor did it help that when we do our "sexy front bend" I look like I am having back spasms. 

Am I glad I did it? Definitely. I tried something new that I had never done. I went outside my comfort zone. I used muscles that I had not used in a long time (possibly never.) 

But I will admit that this week has been a bit of a rough one for me. I took on two new things that I suck at.  Not the most ego-boosting week ever. I want to do something that I am really good at to make myself feel better- my sister's suggestion? Eating. Thanks, Sam. 

Will I try pole dancing again? I'm not sure. It's a possibility but there are other things that I want to try first.  I do have another tennis lesson next week though. And the best part? I don't have to try to look sexy while doing it! 

Tennis

The results are in. The people have spoken (all four of you) and you have decided that tennis shall be the next new skill that I learn. 

Tennis. What a great game. I have always wanted to play. Let me clarify that, I have always wanted to play well. I have technically played before.  I have hit a ball around with friends or with my brother from time to time and enjoyed myself immensely. Not being able to serve or serve-receive, however,  has severely limited my game. Instead of just wishing that I would miraculously get better, I decided to do something about it. So today I had my first tennis lesson. 

I walked into the tennis club not knowing what to expect. My first thought was that I hoped I would have a hunk of a hottie tennis instructor. Then along comes Sean. I don't know that I would say he was a hunk, but he was kind of cute.  More importantly, however, he was very nice and VERY patient. I had no idea how little I knew about the basics of tennis. He changed my grip so that instead of having an eastern grip I now have more of a western grip?? Huh? All I know is that when you suddenly have to start holding the tennis racket differently (after years of holding it one way) you suddenly feel like it is the first time you have ever held a racket. And I don't mean that in a good way- like a "suddenly I know how to hold the racket and this all makes sense!" kind of way. I mean it more in the "holding the racket like this and trying to swing it makes me look like I never really mastered my basic motor skills" sort of way. 

I realized that one little hour lesson was not going to turn me into the professional player that I long to be. So more lessons are forthcoming. As I left the club this afternoon one thought kept going through my head... why didn't I take this up in high school when I could have been taught for free!?!

Better late than never. One of the things that motivated me to take up tennis was a client of mine. This client is around forty years old and plays tennis competitively (almost every weekend.) I assumed that she had grown up playing tennis and I was jealous that I hadn't grown up playing tennis. It turns out that she only decided to start playing tennis around four years ago. She, like myself, had not grown up playing tennis. Who knew? Another client had always wanted to play the cello, so when she was thirty-five she just signed up for lessons. 

I always hear about people who say how much they regret that they didn't stick with their piano lessons when they were a kid and how they wish they knew how to play now. Well, ya know what? It's not too late! You can still do it. You life doesn't have to end when you hit twenty-five or when you have kids. Spoken as only a person without kids can speak! I'm not saying it is easy, I am saying it is doable. 

And it's not easy. I am used to being good at things. I play soccer and volleyball weekly and while I am not outstanding, I am good. I have all the skills down. (Well, apart from serving, but we won't go there.) I sit here typing at my computer, doing easily 45 words a minute and I don't even have to think about it. But there was a time when I DID have to think about it. I used to hunt and peck. But I took lessons. And I learned. And I practiced. And I practiced.  And I practiced. It is okay to be bad at things when you are younger. It is expected. But as we become adults, it is hard to accept that we aren't automatically good at things. My tennis lesson today was pretty humbling. 

Humbling... but awesome! I can't wait for my next one. So to all of you people out there who have hidden dreams and desires tucked away on the shelves somewhere, it is time to take them down, dust them off, put away your pride and your excuses and go do that thing you always wanted to do!