finding our own truths

"Walk with those seeking the truth,

run from those who think they've found it."

I get bothered when people tell me that I can't understand something because I haven't experienced what they have experienced.

I mean, yes, it's true. But that is also just part of being human. That is how life works.

Whether it be good things or bad, big things or small things.

"Well, you've never experienced my aunt Bea's potato salad so you don't know how good potato salad can be."

or

"You were never molested as a child, so you have no idea what it is like to be me."

We all have experienced different things and that's what makes us unique. But it doesn't necessarily make us better than each other, which is the attitude we give off when we say things like "You've never done such and such, if you did you would know..."

I think it is one of the most complex things about being human... we can never experience what other people experience. Even if we do similar things, like get married or have kids, our experiences are going to be completely different.

And why does it even matter?

Because these are the things that make us who we are.

If we have had something make a huge impact in our lives, we automatically assume that people who have NOT experienced that same thing are lesser and are missing out.

Having to deal with my mom having cancer three times has made me a better person. Does that mean that if your mom hasn't had cancer three times that you are not as good as me? Does it mean that you don't understand the world as well as I do?

No.

It just means we are different.

But if something major happened in our lives and made us a better person, there is a natural desire to share that with other people. We want them to get that same feeling of growth that we got.

For me, one of my biggest growth experiences was going to live in a different country/culture where they didn't speak English. I was exhausted at the end of every day when I lived in France because it was such a learning and growing experience. It changed my life forever.

So do I think everyone should do that and that they would be better people if they did it? Sort of. I'll admit that I do. But that is because it worked for me. That is because it made me who I am. But what if you have no desire to go live in France? Does that mean that you can't live a whole and complete life? Of course not. You will just find different experiences.

So when people act like they have a new insight into the universe because they are married with kids, it bothers me. I understand why they feel that way. It was a HUGE thing for them. And they want everyone to experience it like they experienced it. They can't imagine someone feeling whole and complete and being a good person without it, because they aren't a whole and complete and good person without it. It is part of them.

But be careful... don't try to force your truths on other people. It's insulting and annoying. Don't tell me what I need to do to become as awesome as you. Because even if I did the same thing, I wouldn't have the same experience as you. Nobody wants to be told that they need to find God to be a whole, good person who understands the world. Nor does someone want to be told that they don't understand because they don't have kids.

Because they might not have kids, but they might have had a ton of other experiences that you haven't that have shaped them and have been huge for them. And YOU'LL never know what THAT is like.

So where does that leave us?

Where we started, where we will never know what it is like to be someone else and experience what they experience.

But that's okay, because we can still connect and relate and empathize and love each other. We don't have to be the same. We don't have to be better than one another. We can accept that we have lots to learn from one another and lots more growing to do and we will discover it on our own time.