cleaning out the house

My parents are moving back. My parents, whom I learned to be a packrat from, are moving back, with ALL of their stuff.

Thus I decided that I needed to go through all of my stuff in Oak Park and get rid of as much of it as I could. Three bags of trash, one pile of giveaways and countless trips out to the recycling bin and I am pretty proud of myself. Of course, I still have way too much stuff.

How do I get rid of this stuff that makes me smile so big every time I see it?

There is a love letter from my dad. I was at a retreat my senior year of high school and all my friends and family had written me love letters and at one point during the retreat we sat down and read them. My dad NEVER talks about his feelings or says sweet things to me so this letter means a lot.

"Dear Nikki,

I'm not sure why other people have kids. Maybe it is to satisfy some deep biological urge, or to relive their childhoods over again, or maybe it is a way to show they are grown-up. However, I think your mother and I have kids because it was the way we were raised, it was the right thing to do, and it was our calling, our vocation. I have never felt cheated, that my children took away from other things I could have done. To the contrary, I feel very blessed that I have been entrusted with your care and with that of your brothers and sisters. If there is any burden you have made it very light indeed.

You have made me proud and happy on so many occasions. For instance, in Dr. Showel's office when we were learning about your mom's condition. I imagine you were very scared yet you all were so brave, so very supportive and trying your best to learn how you could help. That day I had to mentally step back and look at you all surrounding your mother and feel very good for her as well as for myself. No matter what we were going to be a very together family.

I am also proud of your academics. I'll take what you've done, especially the way you have persevered in your math classes. I hope you have had your share of "aha" experiences, when suddenly everything becomes clear. Also I hope it gave you confidence that you can accomplish difficult and complex things in life.

I look forward to the coming soccer season. I know that you will have a great season. You will be a good leader. Your teammates have all the confidence in the world in you. I think everybody feels that everytime you set up in the box you are capable of scoring a goal. You should have that confidence too, you have certainly prepared yourself for it. After all success is when preparedness meets opportunity.

I want you to know that I love you, that I have since holding you right after your birth and that I am very very proud to be your father.

Love

Dad."

I obviously can't get rid of that.

But even other things. Stupid notes that my friends wrote me in high school. Katie Cerullo was one of my favorite people of all times and she tragically died at an early age. Memories and those notes are all I have.

Then there is stupid stuff that I really should get rid of but I find too amusing to look back on. I found a scrap of paper from 10/06/2006- it was my schedule for work that day and it was obviously a slow day at work (only one client) so I had been doodling and writing on my schedule.

The first thing I had written was:

She stood on tiptoes

to be closer to the stars.

Oh my gosh! I LOVE that! Have I ever told you of my secret dream to write greeting cards or things like the Storytime people?!?

Then there is a conversation between two people:

Which way?

To what?

Towards my future?

There is no path.

Yes, that means

you can't get

lost and you

can't get stuck

and you can

go anywhere.

What if I don't

know how to get

where I want?

You try a path

and it that doesn't

work you try

another path

and you just

keep trying.

But I'll give you

a hint... there

is no "there"

because life doesn't

stop once you get

married or get

the perfect job

And THEN there was a doodle I had drawn of a cute little bunny and next to it were the words "The rabbit knows too much"

Funny things come out of slow days at work!