why not being able to get pregnant is the best thing that ever happened to me

You learn a lot when you have children. Things you never expected. That's a given. You learn what you are capable of and what is important. That all makes sense.

What I didn't expect was how much I would learn and grow from NOT being pregnant.

Not in a general, I've spent my life not being pregnant sort of way, but in a trying to be pregnant and not being pregnant sort of way.

As much as it sucks, I'm kind of glad I haven't gotten pregnant right away because the amount of growing I have done this year is incredible.

I've dealt with illnesses in my family and loved ones before so I understood the idea, but I've never personally dealt with something that was so out of my control. There are things that I can do to improve my odds of getting pregnant, but when push comes to shove, it is out of my control. I can't just work harder to make it happen.

I've learned acceptance. Not a "give up" sort of acceptance. But a "I can't control the whole world" sort of acceptance.

And I understood in theory how much it sucked for women who were trying to get pregnant, because I've wanted to have a baby since I was 21 years old. I understood that longing.

But until I really tried to get pregnant, I never really understood the emotions- the hope, the discouragement, the fear that it will never happen. I never truly understood about dealing with comments, usually well meaning, that are like salt in an open wound.

My empathy has grown by leaps and bounds- both in regards to women trying to get pregnant and just people in general.

If I had gotten pregnant when I first started trying- I would have a baby right now. That's crazy to think about. But I think this period of trying to get pregnant and not being able to has made me a better person and that in turn will make me a better mother when it does happen.

I also wouldn't have started acupuncture school had I gotten pregnant when I first started trying.

Sometimes things work out like they're supposed to- we just don't realize it at the time. :)